Categories
It Happened to Me Toronto (a.k.a. Accordion City)

Alex is Missing

Alexandra FlanaganAmidst the merriment at Pete Forde’s 29th birthday party last night (Happy birthday, Pete!), I got a bit of news that concerned me: someone I know is missing.

“Take a look at this,” said my friend Rochelle as she unfolded a piece of legal-sized paper. It was a flyer with the word “MISSING” in large block letters across the top. What really caught my eye was the photo.

“That’s really weird,” I said, “the photo — she looks just like someone I knew from where I used to get my hair cut. Skater-girl type, really skinny, name’s Alex…”

I was so taken by how much the photo looked like Alex that it took me a moment to look at the missing person’s name: Alexandra Flanagan.

“Oh, shit,” I said, double-checking to make sure I wasn’t misreading the flyer.
I know her.”

The missing person wasn’t someone who looked like Alex; she is Alex, and she’s been missing for over a month.

Meeting Alex

I met Alex in 1999 at the House of Lords. It’s a cheesy rock-and-roll hair cutting place located on Yonge street’s main drag of head shops, grey market electronics stores and fast food joints. I still went there because one of their hairstylists, Roxy, had been cutting my hair just the way I like it for years.

One day, while waiting for Roxy to finish working on the customer before me, I was working on my laptop in the waiting area. I heard a voice say “Hey, you’re that guy who plays the accordion.”

I looked up from my laptop’s screen to see a skinny skater-girl type in her early twenties looking at me. She wore a raver shirt and baggy skater shorts and held out her hand.

“I’m Alex. I work in the back — I do hair colour. You ever need a colour job, come see me.”

“I’m Joey,” I replied, shaking her hand.

For years afterward, I’d run into Alex on a regular basis. I’d often run into her while grabbing a bite to eat in Chinatown, and a couple of times, I either joined her table or she joined mine. I also ran into her at dance clubs and DJ shows several times — and once, she did me a very big favour when I was on a date from Hell. I owe her one.

What’s Known About Alex’s Case

Here’s what Xtra, a local paper serving Accordion City’s Gay Village (the neighbourhood centred around Church and Wellesley) ran in a story dated August 2nd:

Posters seeking information about a woman who was last seen in Barrie dotted Toronto’s Church-Wellesley Village starting on Jul 20.

A spokesperson for the Barrie Police Service says 33-year-old Alexandra Flanagan has been absent from work and has not contacted her friends or family since Jul 8.

Flanagan, who identifies as a lesbian, spent several years living and working in Toronto’s queer village, including at the House of Lords hair salon on Yonge St at Isabella.

According to Barrie Police, Flanagan was last seen in Barrie on the evening of Jul 8 walking toward her Wellington St apartment with a male friend. The friend told police he left her at Sunnidale Park, but that 30 minutes later when he tried to call her there was no answer. When she didn’t turn up for work the next morning, Flanagan’s family got worried.

Sheffer says Flanagan was wearing khaki capri pants, a black belt and a black tank top with pink flip-flops when she was last seen. She is five-feet, one-inch tall, weighs 100 pounds, has red hair and green eyes, and has piercings in both eyebrows.

For more details about what is known about Alex’s disappearance, see:

Categories
Accordion, Instrument of the Gods funny Music

When This Computer Fad Blows Over, I’m Joining This Band

Band in shiny outfits with a shiny accordionist
Photo courtesy of Miss Fipi Lele.

Categories
Accordion, Instrument of the Gods It Happened to Me

Encounter with a “One Laptop Per Child” Computer

I got my first real-life look at one of the One Laptop Per Child laptops at the CommandN party last Thursday. While noodling with it, I got the idea to get a picture of it beside my accordion to show just how compact it is:

OLPC, side-by-side with my accordion.
The OLPC XO and my accordion. Click to see more photos in an article on Global Nerdy.

It’s nice and portable. No wonder the “One Accordion Per Child” idea never got any traction.

For more, see my article on Global Nerdy.

Categories
funny

Vintage “Lad Mag” Covers

Here’s a nice Friday time-waster for you: a Flickr photoset of vintage men’s magazine covers. A sample:

Cover of “True Men” magazine, August 1969 issue.
Just another Saturday night, back when I was single.
Click the picture to see the full set.

Categories
The Current Situation

7 Wonders of the Totalitarian World

Man Hands!

It’s all about the giant hands:

7 Wonders of the Totalitarian World
Photos from Esquire, courtesy of Miss Fipi Lele.

Here’s what these wonders are:

  1. Fist Crushing U.S. Fighter Plane, Libya
  2. Monument to President Laurent Kabila, Democratic Republic of Congo
  3. Lenin’s Mausoleum, Russia
  4. Monument to President Saparmurat Niyazov, Turkmenistan
  5. Mao Leading the Chinese People’s Liberation Army, China
  6. The Hands of Victory, Iraq
  7. Monument to the Founding of the North Korean Worker’s Party, North Korea

Render Into Caesar

If the folks at Family Security Matters have their way — see this article from Google’s cache titled Conquering the Drawbacks of Democracy (they’ve since taken the article down from their site) — America could earn its own totalitarian wonder. Here’s an excerpt (the emphasis is mine):

Caesar pacified Gaul by mass slaughter; he then used his successful army to crush all political opposition at home and establish himself as permanent ruler of ancient Rome. This brilliant action not only ended the personal threat to Caesar, but ended the civil chaos that was threatening anarchy in ancient Rome – thus marking the start of the ancient Roman Empire that gave peace and prosperity to the known world.

If President Bush copied Julius Caesar by ordering his army to empty Iraq of Arabs and repopulate the country with Americans, he would achieve immediate results: popularity with his military; enrichment of America by converting an Arabian Iraq into an American Iraq (therefore turning it from a liability to an asset); and boost American prestiege while terrifying American enemies.

He could then follow Caesar’s example and use his newfound popularity with the military to wield military power to become the first permanent president of America, and end the civil chaos caused by the continually squabbling Congress and the out-of-control Supreme Court.

President Bush can fail in his duty to himself, his country, and his God, by becoming “ex-president” Bush or he can become “President-for-Life” Bush: the conqueror of Iraq, who brings sense to the Congress and sanity to the Supreme Court. Then who would be able to stop Bush from emulating Augustus Caesar and becoming ruler of the world? For only an America united under one ruler has the power to save humanity from the threat of a new Dark Age wrought by terrorists armed with nuclear weapons.

It’s a bit over-the-top, even for neocons. I had to look around the site to confirm that it wasn’t some kind of Daily Show or Onion-style parody. Apparently, it’s the real, non-ironic deal.

Anyhow, if Family Security Matters get their wish, may I suggest this as a design for their totalitarian monument?

“Bob’s Big Boy” statue

Categories
funny

He Didn’t Order the Happy Meal

We all have days where we feel like this guy:

Husky death metal teen sitting alone in a food court
Photo courtesy of Miss Fipi Lele.

Categories
funny

Ten Ways to Look Like a Total Toolbag

I enjoy both smart-assery and dressing up, so this snarky-but-spot-on piece in Magnificent Bastard, titled Ten Ways to Look Like a Total Toolbag, amused me to no end. Here’s a preview:

Ten Ways to Look Like a Total Toolbag
Click the picture to see the article.

The ten ways, which are elaborated upon in the article, are:

  1. Backwards baseball cap
  2. Oakley Blades sunglasses
  3. Bluetooth headset
  4. Gold necklace
  5. Tommy Bahama shirt
  6. National Review magazine
  7. Belt-clipped cellphone
  8. “Cause” wristband
  9. Over-the-knee double-pleated shorts
  10. Crocs

I do occasionally wear a Tommy Bahama shirt when it climbs past 30 degrees (that’s 86 for my American friends), but I have a genetic right: I’m from a tropical country and I can pass for Hawaiian.

[Found via Reddit.]