Categories
America The Current Situation

“Quiet! I’m declassifying documents.”

Talosian (Star Trek alien with giant, veiny head) with caption “Quiet! I’m declassifying documents.”
Thanks to Star Trek Shitposting for the find!
Categories
America The Current Situation

The “I just said ‘It’s declassfied’” excuse

Donald Trump as “Jeannie” from “I dream of Jeannie,” saying “Declassified!”

In a new interview with his personal fluffer, Sean Hannity, Donald Trump test-ballooned his latest defense for illegally (and potentially treasonously) keeping U.S. government secret documents on his private gold club/residence:

“If you’re the president of the United States, you can declassify just by saying, ‘It’s declassified’.

Even by thinking about it, because you’re sending it to Mar-a-Lago or to wherever you’re sending it. … There can be a process, but there doesn’t have to be.”

It’s an understanding of secret documents that’s equal to the “I said so” rule of schoolyard games, or perhaps Michael Scott’s understanding of bankruptcy on The Office:

There were over 300 such documents stored at Mar-a-Lago, which is not a facility up to the task of securing such things. The search was a result of an earlier finding of other secret documents at the site.

Categories
Florida The Current Situation The Good Fight

The fake brochure that DeSantis used to con the migrants into boarding the plane to Martha’s Vineyard, and other facts about this cruel political stunt

DeSantis may have been inspired by a segment on Tucker Carlson’s show

A still from Tucker Carlson’s xenophobic “Welcome to Martha’s Vineyard” segment.
He should just ’fess up and call the show The Tucker Carlson White Power Hour.

A couple of days ago, Media Matters’ Matthew Gertz astutely tweeted that “when GOPers do depraved stuff it’s worth looking for the Fox host who suggested it.”

To no one’s surprise, the Fox host who suggested it was the host of Fox’s own White Power Hour: Swanson frozen foods heir Tucker Carlson, host of an old-timey whitefear-and-ragestoking evening show.

The migrants were given fake brochures about Massachusetts’ refugee benefits

DeSantis insists that the migrants boarded the plane voluntarily, but the migrants say that they were misled by a “blonde mystery woman” named “Perla,” who offered them McDonald’s gift cards, a free flight to a “sanctuary,” and other assistance. 

The newsletter Popular Information obtained a phony brochure written in English and Spanish that was provided to the migrants, pictured below:

Designed (poorly) to look like an official brochure, it says that migrants who arrive in Massachusetts would be eligible for a lot of benefits, including:

  • 8 months’ cash assistance
  • Housing assistance
  • Food
  • Clothing
  • Transportation to job interviews
  • Job training
  • Job placement
  • Registering children for school
  • Assistance applying for Social Security cards

Popular Information got the brochure from Lawyers for Civil Rights, a Boston-based law firm representing 30 of the migrants.

DeSantis’ communications director Taryn Fenske told Florida’s Voice that the brochure was legitimate and that the information it contained was accurate. However, what she omitted is even more important:

  • The brochure was not produced by the State of Massachusetts, nor is it official. It’s a “homemade” document pieced together from cut-and-pasted text from various Massachusetts government sites.
  • While the benefits listed exist, the migrants to whom they were given are not eligible for them. While refugees are eligible for such benefits, these migrants are seeking asylum, and refugee benefits don’t apply.
  • The devil is in the details. In trying to provide DeSantis with a loophole, Fenske insisted “the brochure does not say migrants immediately have access to the benefits.” But it worked — the idea was to convince them that those benefits were forthcoming, and all they had to do was board the plane.

Boston-based immigration attorney Matt Cameron summed up the situation quite well:

“DeSantis clearly does not know the legal difference between refugees (who are eligible for resettlement benefits) and asylum applicants (who are not).

It’s legally no different than promising someone who you know to have had no military service that they will be eligible for veterans benefits.”

Cameron also said the brochures “are either evidence of criminal intent or criminal stupidity.” My feeling:

Loki: “Bit of both.”

FDOT (Florida Department of Transportation) paid a secretive Oregon-based company to fly the migrants, and now that company’s website is offline

Here’s a record of a payment from FDOT to one “Vertol Systems Company Inc.” dated September 16, 2022 for the sum of $950,000. It’s courtesy of the @TampaniaBlog Twitter account:

They tweet:

In fact, if you go to the Transparency Florida site, you’ll see that FDOT has already paid Vertol Systems a total of $1.565 million dollars:

Vendor search result from Transparency Florida showing $1.565 million in payments to Vertol Systems

Typically, you’d be able to go to Vertol Systems’ site and see that they’re based in Oregon’s Hillsboro rather than Florida’s Hillsborough County and that they’re in the business of “specialized aircraft solutions specific to unique requirements.”

But you can’t. The site has been taken down…

…and quite interestingly (yet unsurprisingly), their LinkedIn company profile is unclaimed:

A Texas sheriff is launching an investigation into these flights, since they were a join operation with Texas

From the Daily Beast:

Bexar County Sheriff Javier Salazar confirmed the investigation during a press conference Monday “to clear the air for everyone,” alleging that 48 migrants were “lured under false pretenses” to stay at a hotel for a couple of days, shuttled to a plane, flown to Florida, and eventually transported to Martha’s Vineyard, where they had been promised work and solutions to other problems.

From Sheriff Salazar’s Twitter account:

DeSantis’ plan is backfiring

And garbage human that she is, Christina Pushaw, Rapid Response Director for DeSantis’ reelection campaign tweeted this:

Here’s a screencap, just in case she deletes it, as she is wont to do:

Categories
funny The Current Situation

Pictures aplenty for Sunday, September 18, 2022

Maybe the Queen’s will said “In the event of my death, the corgis should go to the groomer” and they misinterpreted the request.


Can we please make this the official logo for cryptocurrencies? And while we’re at it, American healthcare?



(Cough, cough)Ron DeSantis(Cough)


If you’re really a “Little Mermaid purist,” you should insist on the original way-more-gruesome version. Remember, it was written by Hans Christian Andersen, who was not only a nightmare writer, but also a nightmare houseguest.


Brett Favre is guilty of at least two heinous crimes:


Maybe it’s just unfortunately sign placement, but you might think twice before getting the beef jerky.


A guy once tried to fight me after I said that The Star-Spangled Banner is in 3/4 time (possibly because he thought all 3/4 songs are waltzes, and he believed that waltzes are wimpy).

But it is in 3/4 time. You could either just listen to the song and count, or you could consult the sheet music.



Once again, an important public service message:


A reminder for those of you who believe there’s a “War on Christmas” and who were upset about Pride Month earlier this summer.


As the gas prices continue to drop, I’m posting this as a reminder to you dolts who posted or bought into the Biden “I did that!” stickers we saw on gas pumps all summer.

Also:


Seriously, are you even good enough to qualify for impostor syndrome?


Whoever wrote this doesn’t believe in the God-given right for every American to have a gun and diabetes. “The beeping actually helps — it’ll cover the sound of me reloading!”



“Hey, it’s a 9-millimeter gun! That’s metric! See? I USE THE METRIC SYSTEM!!!”






Listen to this doctor…

…and not this one:



At last, the reason I went into tech instead of medicine like the rest of my family.


Once upon I time, I used to associate an American flag on your social media profile as meaning “having a can-do attitude.”

These days, it’s more often than not that it means this instead:


It’s an iron-clad law of humor that the butt is always funny:


It would appear that way.


As a super-social guy, the incessant “I hate going outside and dealing with people” posts drive me crazy, but this one at least made me chuckle:


And finally, let me leave you with this blessing:

 

Categories
Florida The Current Situation

You know who Ron DeSantis doesn’t shoo away? Nazis.

Black-clad white woman “sieg heils” the camera while holding a swastika sign as other black clad people wave Nazi, SS, Florida, and “DeSantis Country” flags in the background.
Tap to view the DeSantis Nazi fandom at full size.

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis’ political stunt of flying two planes of migrants to Martha’s Vineyard speaks volumes about his cruelty, but so does the story of the people that he doesn’t even shoo away from his rallies: Nazis.

Nazis hold racists depictions of Jews, with one holding a sign that reads “It’s the Jews, stupid” as Nazi and “DeSantis Country” flags fly in the background.
Tap to view the DeSantis Nazi fandom at full size.

When the far-right-wing student indoctrination group Turning Point USA held their Student Action Summit at Tampa Convention Center in July, DeSantis was one of the keynote speakers, and his Nazi fanbase showed up.

Nazis hold racists depictions of Jews, with one holding a sign that reads “It’s the Jews, stupid” as Nazi and “DeSantis Country” flags fly in the background.
Tap to view the DeSantis Nazi fandom at full size.

Despite the very bad optics, the organizers didn’t shoo them away, and neither DeSantis nor his spokespeople attempted to distance themselves from these people, who were waving “DeSantis Country” and State of Florida flags side by side with Swastika and SS flags.

Black-clad Nazis wave Nazi, SS, Florida, and “DeSantis Country” flags outside the Talking Points USA conference at the Tampa Convention Center.
Tap to view the DeSantis Nazi fandom at full size.

It would’ve been a very simple matter for Turning Point USA or DeSantis to send security to go to the Nazis and say “Hey, we appreciate your fandom, but you’re not pushing the kind of message we want to promote.”

It wouldn’t have cost taxpayer dollars to do that, unlike flying two planes of people to Massachusetts. They didn’t even have the decency to let the people at Martha’s Vineyard know that two planeloads of migrants were coming, requiring people there to scramble to set them up with shelter.

Black-clad Nazis wave Nazi, SS, Florida, and “DeSantis Country” flags outside the Talking Points USA conference at the Tampa Convention Center.
Tap to view the DeSantis Nazi fandom at full size.

The Nazis stayed, because they’re the people DeSantis and company don’t mind staying.

They and their sympathizers are the base now.

That wasn’t even the first time THIS YEAR that DeSantis refused to condemn Nazis

Oh yeah, there was that thing in January, where DeSantis refused to condemn some Nazi demonstrations in Orlando.

You’d think it would be easy and automatic to do that. In my Green Card interview, I reflexively, automatically, and happily denounced the Nazis — something that both DeSantis and the former president* have trouble doing.

The best DeSantis’ office couldn’t even bring themselves to put some distance between them and the Nazis, but try to blame others. DeSantis’ Press Secretary Christina Pushaw tried to put the blame on Democratic “crisis actors” in a tweet she later deleted:

Recommended reading

Categories
Stranger than Fiction The Current Situation

Oh, my sweet summer child…

Tweet — Person 1 asks “How can Charles be King and head of the church after cheating on his wife and divorcing her? Does that not go against what the church stands for?” / Response features picture of Henry VIII with the text “Man do I have a story for you”
Tap to view at full size.

Here’s the text:

Tweet 1: How can Charles be King and head of the church after cheating on his wife and divorcing her? Does that not go against what the church stands for?

Tweet 2, with picture of Henry VIII: Man do I have a story for you

Need an easy-to-read snarky version of that story? The Real Reason Henry VIII Created the Church of England has you covered.

If you don’t know what happened to each of the founder of the Church of England’s wives — all six of them — here’s a merry tune that explains it all in just over two minutes:

Categories
Tampa Bay The Current Situation

Tampa’s announced “Airside D” terminal will ruin my favorite TPA joke

The good news: Tampa International Airport (TPA) is already a delightful and efficient airport, and it’s now adding a new terminal: Airside D.

The bad news: Now my favorite TPA joke is ruined — or at least it will be, when it’s completed in 2027.

The joke (which I’ve managed to pull a couple of times) goes like this:

Unsuspecting victim: I see that there’s an Airside A, C, E, and F. Why’s there no B? Or D?

Me: I don’t know about B, but an Airside D would be insane.

Unsuspecting victim: Insane?

Me: Everyone knows that…D’s nuts!