May 2018 - The Adventures of Accordion Guy in the 21st Century

It’s a (REALLY) terrible week to be Jared Kushner

It hasn’t been a good week to be Jared Kushner in quite some time, but this week is especially terrible to be America’s best-known failson.

First, there’s the release of the much-anticipated Deadpool 2, which features the great Jared Kushner gag described as follows:

The joke comes early in the film when Deadpool is on his first mission as an X-Men trainee. He’s trying talk down a young mutant named Russell Collins aka Firefist (Julian Dennison), who has broken out of the Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation and is threatening to use his powers on the people front of that orphanage.

Deadpool quickly realizes that Russell has been abused by Essex House staff — and from that point on Deadpool refers to the people who work there as pedophiles. During the standoff, Deadpool asks Russell which one of the Essex House workers hurt him.

He doesn’t know any of their names, of course, so when Deadpool points at one particularly pale and slimy-looking guy who appears to be the headmaster’s right-hand man, he asks Russell, “Was it Jared Kushner?”

The resemblance between the aforementioned right-hand man — Head Orderly Frye, played by Canadian actor Nikolai Witschi — and Kushner is uncanny:

The Deadpool 2 jab is only the cherry on the sundae; the ice cream is the set of writeups from his Harvard classmates in the 15th Anniversary Report of the class of 2003.

Harvard claims that the 15th Anniversary Report dates back to the 1800s and is meant to “encourage alumni to maintain connections with each other.” As you might expect, it usually reads like LinkedIn for the privileged, but this year, it’s a very different creature, as Kushner is from the class of 2003. As Boston Magazine’s Spencer Buell writes:

So what might otherwise have been a largely unreadable collection of self-congratulation has this year become a sort of Ivy League burn book, where everything about Kushner—the tax-deductible $2.5 million his parents paid to smooth his path into the college, his inability to grow facial hair—gets a thorough and erudite roasting.

The roasting would’ve remained relatively obscure if not for the heroic work of MoveOb.org’s Ben Wikler, who brought it to light via Twitter:

Jared Kushner didn’t send in a note for Harvard’s 15th Anniversary Report. But flip to the page where his entry would go and you’ll find this, the end of a note from an alphabetically adjacent classmate. pic.twitter.com/HgN7wbPl9p

— Ben Wikler (@benwikler) May 19, 2018

I’ve taken the photos of the 15th Anniversary Report’s jabs at Kusher and posted them below. Enjoy!