Categories
It Happened to Me

Boston People Eat Weird Food, Man

Taken last Sunday near Boston Common:

Not just fried dough, but unattended fried dough!

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Accordion, Instrument of the Gods It Happened to Me Music Toronto (a.k.a. Accordion City)

Tuesday Night Fun

For those of you who do not live in Accordion City or its environs,

you might not be aware that The Maple Leafs won the playoffs against

the Ottawa Senators on Tuesday. This city is famous for loving its

hockey team as a mother loves her ne’er-do-well son, so even though there’s a long way to go

before the end of the playoffs, the streets went wild with the sounds of revelry.


Paul and I decided to enjoy some of the post-victory partying, so we

decided to go out, find a bar and hoist pints of ale with whatever

celebrants we could find. We walked south on Spadina to recharge our

wallets at the nearby ATM when we ran into the first partier of the

evening:

“Duuuuuuuuuuuuude!”

The streets were filling with cars full of fans waving Maple Leafs

flags, honking their horns and yelling “Go Leafs go!” I managed to whip

up more than a few into a frenzy of screaming, honking and high-beam

headlight flashing by playing the “Spanish Bullfight Chords”

followed by the “Charge!” theme on the accordion. I got an even better

response by playing the theme to Hockey Night in Canada, [261K MP3] which might as well be our second national anthem.


The bars on Queen Street were a little quiet for our liking. This

shouldn’t have come as a surprise, as Queen Street West is home to

hipster/live music bars, not sports bars.

“We need a bar where a man can drink plebian ales, wear his baseball cap backwards and enjoy the company of comely puckbunnies,” I said in my best beer commercial voice.

Hooters!” said Paul.

“You, my good friend, are a genius.”

You’d think that Hooters (where I usually meet our family’s

insurance agent Art — it’s his favourite place to meet with his male

clients, including Dad) would be packed on a game 7 playoff night.

However, that wasn’t the case; only a handful of tables were occupied,

and they were all being watched over by a couple of waitresses with

little to do.

We looked across Adelaide Street and saw that the Fox and Fiddle was

hopping. We went inside and took a couple fo stools at the upstairs

bar. Paul noticed that the stage was set up for a band and pointed it

out.

“I wonder…” I said, looking around until I saw the poster: “JAM NIGHT: Bring an instrument or come sing”.

Bingo.


The band was called Sonic Playground,

and their first set consisted of pop and rock cover tunes, all played

note-perfectly. You could tell by their way they played and

communicated with each other using nods and sidelong glances that they’d been playing together quite regularly for some time.

We decided to get a seat closer to the band. The area around the

stage was full of underweight women wearing slightly-too-small Maple

Leafs t-shirts and their overweight boyfriends wearing waaay-too-large

Maple Leafs jerseys. We found a table occupied by a girl sitting alone and asked if we could join her.

“Sure,” she said, looking at the display of her cell phone intensely, “I’m just waiting for a friend.”

“It looks like we have an accordion in the house!” said Sheri, the band’s lead vocalist. “Are you gonna play some polka?”

“AC/DC!” I yelled back.

“This oughta be good,” said Jay the guitarist.

The band finished its first set and took a quick break, after which

they started going through the list of people who wanted to sing or jam

with the band. Although I was not the first to get to the list, the

people before me signed up for the fourth, fifth or sixth slots; no one

wated to be first. Sicne the first slot was open, I took it.

“Let’s hear it for the guy with accordion!” Sheri said as I took the stage.

“You Shook Me All Night Long, right? In the original key?” asked Peter the bassist.

“Original key, G, yeah,” I replied, to which I got a nod and the opening guitar chords.

Here’s a still photo of what it looked like…

“I’d like to dedicate this number to a specific owner of American thighs…”

…and here’s a video [3 MB, MPEG; the sound is quite distorted, so turn your volume down].

You Shook Me All Night Long

is a guaranteed crowd pleaser just about anywhere in the world, and

when done with an accordion, the crowd reaction is always better. The

band want kind enough to let me have the solo, and I think Angus Young

would’ve approved of my work that night.

At the end of the number and after the applaused died down, I was about to step off the stage when Sheri and Jay stopped me.

“Hey! Why don’t you stay on and do another number with us?”

“I’d love to,” I replied. “Which one?”

“You pick,” said Jay.

“Hmmm…what do you guys know?” Noting that they were pretty

up-to-date with their cover tunes, I took a wild guess. “I do a pretty

decent version of Outkast’s Hey Ya…”

“Hey! We do that!” said Sheri.

“Okay, then…Hey Ya! One, Two, Three, UH! My baby don’t mess around because she loves me so and this I know fo’ sho’…”

Most of the bar got up and danced for this number. Years of being a

street musician served me well for this number: I managed to dodge out

of the way as a big guy in a Tie Domi jersey tripped ands fell onto the

stage while trying to impress the puckbunnies with fancy footwork.

All right, now fellas! What’s cooler than bein’ cool? SQUEEZE BOX!


All in all, a fun Tuesday evening. Perhaps I’ll have to drop by during their next jam night appearance (Tuesday, May 4th).

Categories
In the News

Follow-up on "Gay or Asian?"

As I mentioned in my earlier entry on Details’ Gay or Asian? article, a

protest was scheduled to take place on Friday, April 16th outside the

Details offices in Manhattan. A Google news search found these articles

covering it:

According to the reports, about 200 people attended the protest,

which led Details’ editor-in-chief, Daniel Peres to make the following

statement:

“It has been made abundantly clear to me that this story, which is part

of an ongoing series challenging male cultural stereotypes, was

insensitive, hurtful, and in poor taste,” Details

Editor-in-Chief Daniel Peres said in a written statement. “There’s a

line that should never be crossed in any satirical humor, and Details crossed it. I, on behalf of the magazine, deeply regret this misstep, and apologize to those who were offended.”

The Advocate article reports that Details

will “run a full-page apology in an upcoming issue and move forward in a

more sensitive manner in featuring stories on lesbian, gay, bisexual,

and transgendered people as well as Asians and Pacific Islanders”.


I’ve never been terribly keen on the word “sensitive” in this sort

of context. It has a “poor widdle baby, can’t take a couple of barbed bons mots” pat-on-the-head connotation. How about “non-bigoted”?


In the meantime, thanks to how publications work and the magic of

lead times, Whitney McNally’s dead horse receives continued flogging.

May’s issue of Details has her latest ouevre, Gay or Socialite’s Husband?

Here are scans of her entire “Gay or…?” series, courtesy of the blog What Tian Has Learned:

Geez, and I thought the writers at Saturday Night Live were the kings of milking a joke long after it ceased to be funny. Whitney, you can take that crown now.


And what can be done about Ms. McNally (picture purported to be her, taken from the slam site whitneymcnally.com shown below)?


Hey, wait a minute…wasn’t she all over me at the For the Love of Breasts fundrasing gala?

A number of Asian and Gay advocacy groups have demanded that Details

fire her. I’m not sure that’s the right thing to do, as she’s only the

writer. Every magazine article is the product of a team of people, of

whom the writer is only one part. The “Gay or…?” series had to be

approved by a story editor, and each article submitted is probably

approved by a section editor and (at least in theory) the

editor-in-chief. The act of firing Ms. McNally in the absence of any

other sort of remedy merely opens the door for another like her to

replace the void left in her absence (although I suspect that her

presence is a void itself).

I can suggest three possible solutions:

  • Have one of those “roundtable” articles in which

    editor-in-chief Daniel Peres, Whitney McNally, a high-profile gay man

    and a high-profile Asian discuss the issue.

  • Have someone with good powers of persuasion convince them to

    run a “Gay or Al-Qaeda?” article. (Probably unwise, as the resulting

    “protest” will probably harm a lot of innocent people).

  • Team Ms. McNally up with her Canadian dim-bulb counterpart Leah McLaren and put them on some kind of “gosh-they’re-cute-but-dumb” reality show a la The Simple Life or Newlyweds.

    I will gladly volunteer my services for the episode in which they must

    wrestle an Asian accordion player in a vat of creamed corn.

Categories
In the News

Must’ve been a slow news day

Katie’s Future Husband

I presume that this is a scan of a sheet of paper that someone found:

My initial reaction was to chuckle at the spelling and grammar

gaffes, especially at the bit about her ideal husband not cheating on

her with a “hoe” (a “hoe” is a garden implement; a “ho” is a skeezy skeeza).

However, young “Katie” — assuming she’s the person who wrote this

— is doing one thing right: she actually has some kind of game plan

for an aspect of her life and she’s written it down. How many of us

have done that?

(And hey, dig that hierarchical diagram at the top. This girl’s got “object-oriented programming natural” written all over her.)

Categories
It Happened to Me Music

Here Comes Your MP3 (or: Live Recordings of the Pixies’ First Concert in Over a Decade)

The good news: I secured four tickets to the Pixies reunion tour show!

The bad news: I’ll have to wait a bit. They’re playing Accordion City on November 24th. I’ll be 37 then (my birthday’s November 5th).

In the meantime, I’ll have to wait and make do with these very well-recorded MP3s of the Pixies’ first live show in 12 years. They were recorded straight off the soundboard at the Fine Line Music Cafe in Minneapolis on April 13th.

This is a big collection of files, so they’re being distributed by BitTorrent (written by my friend Bram Cohen, who I’m glad is finally reaping some rewards for writing this fine piece of software). You can download BitTorrent here.

Here’s the set list for the show:

1. Bone Machine
2. Wave of Mutilation
3. U-Mass
4. Levitate Me
5. Broken Face
6. Monkey Gone To Heaven
7. Holiday Song
8. Winterlong
9. Nimrod’s Song
10. La La Love You
11. Ed Is dead
12. Here Comes Your Man
13. Vamos
14. Debaser
15. Dead
16. Number 13 Baby
17. Tame
18. Gigantic
19. Gouge Away
20. Caribou

Encore:

21. Isla De Encanta
22. Velouria
23. In Heaven->Wave of Mutilation (UK Surf)
24. Where Is My Mind?
25. Into The White

I’m listening to them right now, and lovin’ ’em!

(And yes, Meryle, I’ll burn you a copy on CD-ROM for your birthday.)

Categories
It Happened to Me

"The Crepuscule" (or: Avenue Victor Hugo Books is Closing Its Doors)

The Redhead and I spent Sunday touring through downtown Boston, and while walking down Newbury Street (which in Accordion City terms, is like splicing Queen Street West, College Street West and Yorkville together), we stumbled into Avenue Victor Hugo Books, a used bookseller (alas, we don’t have a nice single word like the French do: bouquiniste).

I knew about the store since I remember reading the little writing

exercise/stunt in which Harlan Ellison spent three days sitting in

their window display writing short stories.

We noticed a sign in their front window announcing that after 29 years

in the bouquiniste business, they were closing their doors. Every book

in the store was being sold for half its marked price. Being avid

readers, the Redhead and I went in.

The store’s shelves, which have been fitted into every possible nook

and cranny, are groaning with books. I could spend days just hanging

out in this place, thumbing through old volumes.

The picture above shows a little nook into which a chair was placed for

the serious reader who wants to examine potential purchases very

carefully. I spent about a half hour here engrossed in some E. F. Schumacher.

The Redhead and I each walked out with a half-dozen books. Just for laughs, I topped off my purchases with a copy of Left Behind, just to see what the fuss is about. I’m prepared to be amused in that “so bad it’s good” way.

Right by the cashier were photocopied sheets with a short essay titled The Crepuscule

(Psst! That means “twilight”!). Subtitled “Twelve reasons for the death

of small and independent book stores”, it is a indictment of those who

helped kill the small and independent book store.

I asked the store for permission to reprublish the essay here. They

consented being quick to point out that while the essay points the

finger at others, the store management also acknowledges their own role

in the demise of the store (one has to wonder what it takes for a store

that sells books on the cheap to fail in the most college-y of college

towns).

The Crepuscule

Twelve reasons for the death of small and independent book stores

Ever

thankful to those who made the effort before us, with heartfelt

apologies to those who are still in the fight and the few who support

them–offered upon the closing of Avenue Victor Hugo Bookshop in Boston.

1. Corporate law

(and the politicians, lawyers, businessmen and accountants who created

it for their own benefit)–a legal fiction with more rights than the

individual citizen, which allows the likes of Barnes & Noble and

Walmart to write off the losses of a store in Massachusetts against the

profit of another in California, while paying taxes in Delaware–for

making ‘competition’ a joke and turning the free market down the dark

road toward state capitalism.

2. Publishers–marketing

their product like so much soap or breakfast cereal, aiming at

demographics instead of people, looking for the biggest immediate

return instead of considering the future of their industry, ignoring

the art of typography, the craft of binding, and needs of editing, all

to make a cheapened product of glue and glitz–for being careless of a

500 year heritage with devastating result.

3. Book buyers–those

who want the ‘convenience’ and ‘cost savings’ of shopping in malls,

over the quaint, the dusty, or the unique; who buy books according to

price instead of content, and prefer what is popular over what is

good–for creating a mass market of the cheap, the loud, and the shiny.

4. Writers–who sell their

souls to be published, write what is already being written or choose

the new for its own sake, opt to feed the demands of editors rather

than do their own best work, place style over substance, and bear no

standards–for boring their readers unto television.

5. Booksellers–who

supply the artificial demand created by marketing departments for the

short term gain, accept second class treatment from publishers, push

what is ‘hot’ instead of developing the long term interest of the

reader–for failing to promote quality of content and excellence in

book making.

6. Government

(local, state and federal)–which taxes commercial property to the

maximum, driving out the smaller and marginal businesses which are both

the seed of future enterprise and the tradition of the past, while

giving tax breaks to chain stores, thus killing the personality of a

city–for producing the burden of tax codes only accountants can love.

7. Librarians–once

the guardians, who now watch over their budgets instead–for destroying

books which would last centuries to find room for disks and tapes which

disintegrate in a few years and require costly maintenance or

replacement by equipment soon to be obsolete.

8. Book collectors–who

have metamorphosed from book worms to moths attracted only to the

bright; once the sentinels of a favorite author’s work, now mere

speculators on the ephemeral product of celebrity–for putting books on

the same level with beanie babies.

9. Teachers–assigning

books because of topical appeal, or because of their own lazy

familiarity, instead of choosing what is best; thus a tale about the

teenage angst of a World War Two era prep school boy is pushed at

students who do not know when World War Two took place–for failing to

pass the torch of civilization to the next generation.

10. Editors–who

have forgotten the editorial craft–for servicing the marketing

department, pursuing fast results and name recognition over quality of

content and offering authors the Faustian bargain of fame and fortune,

while pleading their best intentions like goats.

11. Reviewers–for

promoting what is being advertised, puffing the famous to gain

attention, being petty and personal, and praising the obscure with

priestly authority–all the while being paid by the word.

12. The Public–those

who do not read books, or can not find the time; who live by the

flickering light of the television, and will be the first to fear the

darkening of civilization–for not caring about consequences.

Thus, we come to the twilight of the age of books; to the closing of

the mind; to the pitiful end of the quest for knowledge–and stare into

the cold abyss of night.

John Usher

From THE HOUND by John Usher, copyright 2004. Permission to reproduce is granted to all upon request with proper attribution.

This essay garnered a number of nasty comments. The person whom I

contacted at the store told me that some people seem to have taken it

personally, interpreting it as an attack on their character (or at

least their lack of bibliophilia).

What do you think? What’s the state of small and independent book stores where you live?