Okay, vegetarians: you’re going to want to skip this post. We have some
Real Man (and Real Woman) stuff we’re talking about and I don’t want
you getting all woozy or getting your foo-foo all over me. Maybe you
could go rub tofu blocks all over yourself, follow it with a good cry
and then write some unbearable poetry-accompanied-by-acoustic-guitar
afterwards.
Are the hippies gone? Good.
Let’s talk about pork.
Better yet, let’s first look
at pork. Pictured below is the area just outside the kitchen at my
grandmother’s house in the town of San Juan, located in the province of
Batangas, Philippines. On the table is a lechon, which is a whole roast sucking pig, served with a crispy rind and sweet and sour liver dipping sauce on the side.
In Balayan, another town in Batangas province, there’s the “Parada ng mga lechon“, which is basically a giant roast pig parade: people carry the spits of roasted pig around town and eat them afterwards.
Lechon is so beloved by Filipino people that we’ve even made hipster clothing about it! Check this out:
Oh, dude, I am soooo getting one of those.
In Robert Asprin’s sci-fi humour novel Phule’s Company, the pork-lovin’
Filipinos were renowned as the best cooks and fighters on old Earth. In
the Star Trek universe, Klingon cuisine is catching on, and we all know
that they’re the ass-kickers of the Alpha Quadrant. On the Star Trek
site, you’ll find an advice column written by K’Plett, a Klingon who
until recently worked at the Klingon Embassy. He’s also a big fan of
pork. Here’s his last entry:
…allow me to express my unending gratitude to your planet for
introducing me to bacon. O, meaty ambrosia, I worship at the alter of
your salty tastiness! I have acquired replicator recipes for bacon, and
I have also arranged for fresh bacon to be delivered to the homeworld
several times a year. It has been suggested that upon my retirement, I
should open up a bacon restaurant back home, and I am considering it,
although others have noted that such an arrangement would be akin to an
alcoholic opening up a liquor store.
As the Klingons would say: Qa’pla!
My friends who keep kosher (or halal or ital) may think that they can’t enjoy the goodness that is pork, but remember: Chinese food is safe treyf!
All of the above, however, is merely porcine preamble for the main point of this posting: allow me to direct you to Bacontarian.com, the blog for bacontarians (people who supplement “an otherwise normal diet with large amounts of pork”). Ethan “GeekCorps” Zuckerman — who happens to be the husband of one of the officiants of our wedding — is a contributor and bacontarian.
(Somebody should let Anthony at The Meatriarchy know about this site.)
Give the site a look-see and then: pig out!
