In honour of the 16th (sixteenth, people, sixteenth!) season of The Simpsons, airing this Sunday…
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These quotes won’t be word-perfect, but they’re as close as I can get them.
David Letterman, recalling the birth of his son Harry last year, during which he was “a complete basket case”:
You know, I’m not a young guy. [Letterman’s in his late fifties.] I did some soul-searching and thought: “I’ll leave the country!”
Ed Helms on The Daily Show:
John, if you want to have gay sex or visit a library, tonight might be your last night to do it. Personally, I’m going to kill two birds with one stone.
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Has the Healing Begun Yet?
This probably won’t last very long, but someone at Netscape Network is
using filenames to express his/her unhappiness with Bush’s election. If
you go to http://cnn.netscape.cnn.com/news/election2004.jsp?feature=ne_election5, you’ll see a picture of Laura and George Bush. Check its filename…
To my cousin: may your life be as long and as happy as your name!
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I’m Waaaay Ahead of You There, Eh
Magazine (a Canadian socio-politico-complexo-migraino mag with a humourous bent) and geekend.ca have created a satrical site called Marry An American:
Ladies and gentlemen, drop your borders
When the provisional Ohio votes are counted and if George W.
Bush is re-elected, single, sexy, American liberals – already
a threatened species – will be desperate to escape.
These lonely, afraid (did we mention really hot?) progressives will need
a safe haven.
You can help. Open your heart, and your home. Marry an American.
Legions of Canadians have already pledged to sacrifice their
singlehood to save our southern neighbours from four more years
of cowboy conservatism.
Be sure to read the personal profiles. They’re amusing:
Name: I*heart*trees1985 Age: 21 Gender: Female Occupation: Full-time liberal arts major / part-time tree hugger
Location: Beautiful British Columbia Hot for: Mountain Equipment Co-op, vegan potlucks, mother earth (gaia), feminist collectives, dreadlocks.
Political orientation: Card carrying member of the GREEN PARTY! Yay! Not literally… I lost it at a phish concert.
What I’m looking for: Someone to save the trees with me. A boy named Chad, Conner, or Mackenzie.
Why get to know me: I do a wicked Joni Mitchell impersonation and don’t shave my legs.
Name: hot4classwar Age: 26 Gender: Male Occupation: Grad Student Location: Montreal Hot for: Karl Marx, Wade Davis, poutine Political orientation: autonomous anarchist What I’m looking for: A hot American brother to join in the struggle against imperialism and corporate globalization. Why get to know me: Together, we will work together to prepare the seeds of the revolution that will
reclaim your poor nation, seizing the means of production from the
corporate elite.
Like I said, I’ve already got that covered.
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The Real Party That Matters…
…isn’t the Republican Party or the Democratic Party or Nader’s party,
but my birthday/engagement party, happening this Saturday. If you’re in
town, let me know if you’d like to attend.
Maybe I should make attendees sign a party oath before letting them in:
I, [state your name], do solemnly swear to party hearty tonight, ooh and ahh at Wendy’s engagement ring, smoke outside and not use Joey’s towels as boot and shoe mats.
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Funniest Election Coverage Moment
You always run a risk whenever you broadcast live from a studio with large windows at street level…
I’ve attached a video of the CNN Broadcast featuring the T-shirt Guy. [1.1 MB AVI file]