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The Protocols of the Drunk Drivers of Malibu, Part 1

Mel Gibson, looking his Saddam-iest.
An actual photo of Mel Gibson, who now resembles Saddam Hussein physically and not just in terms of anti-Semitism, taken during an interview in Mexico.

Another chapter got added to Mel Gibson’s downward slide from indie film hero to real-life Eric Cartman with an uncanny resemblance to Saddam Hussein on Thursday. He was arrested while on the Pacific Coast Highway, where he was doing 87 m.p.h. in a 45 m.p.h. zone and soon discovered to also be doing 0.12% blood alcohol content in a 0.08% zone. The ensuing arrest went from bad — Gibson’s lamenting “My life is fucked” — to worse, with Gibson attempting to bolt back to his car and then threatening to end an arresting officer’s career. It went from worse to cartoonish, with his confronting a femal police officer with “What are you looking at, sugar tits?” to asking an officer if he was Jewish and uttering the now-infamous line: “asked the officer if he was Jewish and stated that “fucking Jews…The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world.”

Photo of Saddam Hussein's 'We Got Him!' arrest with Mel Gibson's face Photoshopped in.
Photo borrowed from Mel’s Musings.

Mel’s drunken rants are a radical departure from what he said in an interview with the Daily Variety in 2003:

“If the intense scrutiny during my 25 years in public life revealed I had ever persecuted or discriminated against anyone based on race or creed, I would be all too willing to make amends. But there is no such record.

“Nor do I hate anybody — certainly not the Jews…They are my friends and associates, both in my work and social life. Thankfully, treasured friendships forged over decades are not easily shaken by nasty innuendo.

“Anti-Semitism is not only contrary to my personal beliefs, it is also contrary to the core message of my movie…For those concerned about the content of this film, know that it conforms to the narratives of Christ’s passion and death found in the four Gospels of the New Testament…This is a movie about faith, hope, love and forgiveness — something sorely needed in these turbulent times.”

There’s been a lot of hand-wringing over Mel’s statements, with some people commenting on various internet forums that he shouldn’t be held accountable for what he said since he was drunk. Perhaps these people don’t get out much, or perhaps they haven’t heard the old Latin maxim: In vino veritas. News flash, people: There’s a reason that some of us who’ve worked in the bar-and-tavern trade refer to Mike’s Hard Lemonade as “sodium pentathol“. Nothing “opens the vault” like a little booze, especially when you don’t have a publicist, handler or even a friend with good judgement there to tell you to zip it.

It’s another case of the South Park guys being on the money (see the episode titled The Passion of the Jew, in which Mel Gibson is portrayed as completely bonkers with masochist tendencies). It’s tough to be a satirist these days when the real world keeps trumping you.

Mel Gibson in the 'South Park' episode titled 'The Passion of the Jew'.
A scene from the South Park episode, The Passion of the Jew. Click the image to see the scene on YouTube.


Next: Mel’s Dad, his apology and how the South Park guys were right on not one, but two counts.

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It’s Begging for Captions!

Photo of Boing Boing people Mark Frauenfelder, David Pescovitz, John Battelle, Cory Doctorow and Xeni Jardin.

Pictured above is a photo of the Boing Boing brain trust, which appears in this entry. A bunch of captions came to mind when I saw it:

  • The dating scene in Silicon Valley, captured in a single photo.
  • “We’re missing three dwarves!”
  • “Hee, hee, hee…we’re going to repopulate the Earth!”

Can you come up with better? Let me know in the comments.

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Accordion, Instrument of the Gods Music

Your Suggestions for My Accordion Repertoire, Please

Joey plays accordion for Wendy at Kickass Karaoke.
Me and Wendy at Kickass Karaoke at the Rivoli

It’s time for me to freshen up my accordion repertoire! It’s been far too long since I’ve added songs to it, so I’m looking around for ideas of songs to cover from my MP3 collection, internet and regular radio, the song selection at Kickass Karaoke and you! If you’ve got suggestions as to what I should cover, let me know in the comments.

Some points to give you a general idea of what I’m looking for:

  • Cheese is okay. I’m not going to turn up my nose at a song because it’s bubble-gum pop aimed squarely at the “hanging out at H&M in the mall for hours” demographic or because it’s a staple of those “EZ Rock” stations. Sometimes — as with Britney Spears’ Baby One More Time they translate very well into accordion numbers.
  • Forget that I play accordion. It’s amazing how many people say “I didn’t know that that song could be played on accordion. As long as the song was written using the notes of the conventional even-tempered scale (which should account for 99% of the music you hear on mainstream North American radio), it can be played on any melodic instrument you can find at most music stores, including the accordion. I get a lot of mileage out of AC/DC numbers, and they wouldn’t be considered an accordion band (except by me).
  • I’m looking for a mix of current and old. Gnarls Barkley’s Crazy is a likely candidate, as is Journey’s Don’t Stop Believin’.

I’m planning to record my perfomances of these songs as videos and post them on this blog, so choose wisely!

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"Ask Tucows" Chat Next Tuesday

Ask Tucows - Tuesday, August 1st - 12:00 p.m. to 3:00 p.m. EDT - http://chat.tucows.com

Another quick reminder that we’re holding the third open online chat session, “Ask Tucows” on Tuesday, August 1st between 12:00 noon and 3:00 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time (that’s 9:00 a.m. to 12:00 noon Pacific Daylight Time, or 16:00 – 19:00 UTC). Feel free to ask us questions, make suggestions, comment and get to know us! Join us at chat.tucows.com!

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Rough Clips from "The Simpsons Movie"

Logo for 'The Simpsons Movie.

Two rough clips from the upcoming Simpsons Movie were shown at the recent San Diego Comic Convention. Someone emailed me footage of those clips and I’m now sharing them with you. These may or may not make it into the final movie (scheduled for release on July 27, 2007) — they may even be red herrings created by the Simpsons team.

Still from one of the rough clips for 'The Simpsons Movie' shown at the 2006 San Diego Comic Con.
Click the image to see the clip.

Here’s the first clip [3.2MB MP4], in which Homer is on a dogsled and pushing the dogs hard. Wikipedia summarizes it like so:

Homer begins with a voice over saying “Here’s a scene from The Simpsons Movie. It’s a work in progress so I don’t want anyone asking stupid questions like ‘Hey, what happened to the colour?'”. As Homer says this, the movie logo on screen fades to black and white and he yells “Hey, what happened to the colour?!”

In this scene, Homer is in an arctic location on a dogsled, whipping the dogs and repeatedly yelling “Run!” at them. In the next scene, the dogs are sleeping and Homer continues to whip them now yelling “Rest!” The dogs are then seen running again and Homer says “Okay. That’s enough whipping for now… with this arm!”, as he proceeds to whip them with his other arm. Night falls and Homer begins to untie them saying “Now I know we’ve had a rough day, but I’m sure we can put all that behind us and just…” when the dogs attack him and run away. Homer whines “Why does everything I whip leave me?”

Still from one of the rough clips for 'The Simpsons Movie' shown at the 2006 San Diego Comic Con.
Click the image to see the clip.

Here’s the second clip [3.4MB MP4], in which an angry mob of Springfield townsfolk converge on the Simpsons’ house.

Wikipedia’s summary:

…an angry mob of Springfieldians chanting “We want Homer! We want Homer!” and heading for the Simpsons’ house, where Marge and Homer are hiding, looking out through a bedroom window. Lenny asks Moe, “So, uh, who we gonna kill again?” Moe responds “Uh, I think the people in the front know.”

Marge: Look what you’ve done to us! Our only hope is for you to face that mob and apologize for what you did.

Homer: I would, but I’m afraid if I open the door they’ll take all of you!

Carl: (off screen) No, we won’t. We just want Homer!

Homer: Well maybe not you, but they’ll kill Grampa!

Grampa: (off screen) I’m part of the mob!

The angry mob brings a ladder up and climbs up to the bedroom.

Lisa: Ladders! They’ve got ladders!

The mob breaks the window and people start climbing up one by one as Homer throws items at them as he shouts out puns.

Homer: (throwing a lamp at the Sea Captain) Lights out! (throwing a camera at the Blue Haired Lawyer) Say cheese! (throwing a doily at Dr. Hibbert) And uh… hello doily!

Dr. Hibbert: I’ll kill you, you son of a bitch!

Homer screams and runs as the crowd starts coming in through the window. Downstairs, the mob breaks through the front door and runs into the house, breaking everything in their way.

Krusty: Teeny! Take out the baby.

Maggie smashes her bottle, points it at Mr. Teeny as a weapon and they make karate gestures at each other.

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Step Four is “Profit!”

Very old comic: '1. He sees the bear. 2. He has an idea. 3. The idea works.'

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"Ask Tucows" Chat Next Tuesday

Ask Tucows - Tuesday, August 1st - 12:00 p.m. to 3:00 p.m. EDT - http://chat.tucows.com

Just a quick reminder that we’re holding the third open online chat session, “Ask Tucows” on Tuesday, August 1st between 12:00 noon and 3:00 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time (that’s 9:00 a.m. to 12:00 noon Pacific Daylight Time, or 16:00 – 19:00 UTC). Join us at chat.tucows.com!