Taken last Sunday near Boston Common:

Not just fried dough, but unattended fried dough!
Taken last Sunday near Boston Common:

Not just fried dough, but unattended fried dough!
For those of you who do not live in Accordion City or its environs,
you might not be aware that The Maple Leafs won the playoffs against
the Ottawa Senators on Tuesday. This city is famous for loving its
hockey team as a mother loves her ne’er-do-well son, so even though there’s a long way to go
before the end of the playoffs, the streets went wild with the sounds of revelry.
Paul and I decided to enjoy some of the post-victory partying, so we
decided to go out, find a bar and hoist pints of ale with whatever
celebrants we could find. We walked south on Spadina to recharge our
wallets at the nearby ATM when we ran into the first partier of the
evening:

“Duuuuuuuuuuuuude!”
The streets were filling with cars full of fans waving Maple Leafs
flags, honking their horns and yelling “Go Leafs go!” I managed to whip
up more than a few into a frenzy of screaming, honking and high-beam
headlight flashing by playing the “Spanish Bullfight Chords”
followed by the “Charge!” theme on the accordion. I got an even better
response by playing the theme to Hockey Night in Canada, [261K MP3] which might as well be our second national anthem.
The bars on Queen Street were a little quiet for our liking. This
shouldn’t have come as a surprise, as Queen Street West is home to
hipster/live music bars, not sports bars.
“We need a bar where a man can drink plebian ales, wear his baseball cap backwards and enjoy the company of comely puckbunnies,” I said in my best beer commercial voice.
“Hooters!” said Paul.
“You, my good friend, are a genius.”
You’d think that Hooters (where I usually meet our family’s
insurance agent Art — it’s his favourite place to meet with his male
clients, including Dad) would be packed on a game 7 playoff night.
However, that wasn’t the case; only a handful of tables were occupied,
and they were all being watched over by a couple of waitresses with
little to do.
We looked across Adelaide Street and saw that the Fox and Fiddle was
hopping. We went inside and took a couple fo stools at the upstairs
bar. Paul noticed that the stage was set up for a band and pointed it
out.
“I wonder…” I said, looking around until I saw the poster: “JAM NIGHT: Bring an instrument or come sing”.
Bingo.
The band was called Sonic Playground,
and their first set consisted of pop and rock cover tunes, all played
note-perfectly. You could tell by their way they played and
communicated with each other using nods and sidelong glances that they’d been playing together quite regularly for some time.
We decided to get a seat closer to the band. The area around the
stage was full of underweight women wearing slightly-too-small Maple
Leafs t-shirts and their overweight boyfriends wearing waaay-too-large
Maple Leafs jerseys. We found a table occupied by a girl sitting alone and asked if we could join her.
“Sure,” she said, looking at the display of her cell phone intensely, “I’m just waiting for a friend.”
“It looks like we have an accordion in the house!” said Sheri, the band’s lead vocalist. “Are you gonna play some polka?”
“AC/DC!” I yelled back.
“This oughta be good,” said Jay the guitarist.
The band finished its first set and took a quick break, after which
they started going through the list of people who wanted to sing or jam
with the band. Although I was not the first to get to the list, the
people before me signed up for the fourth, fifth or sixth slots; no one
wated to be first. Sicne the first slot was open, I took it.
“Let’s hear it for the guy with accordion!” Sheri said as I took the stage.
“You Shook Me All Night Long, right? In the original key?” asked Peter the bassist.
“Original key, G, yeah,” I replied, to which I got a nod and the opening guitar chords.
Here’s a still photo of what it looked like…

“I’d like to dedicate this number to a specific owner of American thighs…”
…and here’s a video [3 MB, MPEG; the sound is quite distorted, so turn your volume down].
You Shook Me All Night Long
is a guaranteed crowd pleaser just about anywhere in the world, and
when done with an accordion, the crowd reaction is always better. The
band want kind enough to let me have the solo, and I think Angus Young
would’ve approved of my work that night.
At the end of the number and after the applaused died down, I was about to step off the stage when Sheri and Jay stopped me.
“Hey! Why don’t you stay on and do another number with us?”
“I’d love to,” I replied. “Which one?”
“You pick,” said Jay.
“Hmmm…what do you guys know?” Noting that they were pretty
up-to-date with their cover tunes, I took a wild guess. “I do a pretty
decent version of Outkast’s Hey Ya…”
“Hey! We do that!” said Sheri.
“Okay, then…Hey Ya! One, Two, Three, UH! My baby don’t mess around because she loves me so and this I know fo’ sho’…”
Most of the bar got up and danced for this number. Years of being a
street musician served me well for this number: I managed to dodge out
of the way as a big guy in a Tie Domi jersey tripped ands fell onto the
stage while trying to impress the puckbunnies with fancy footwork.

All right, now fellas! What’s cooler than bein’ cool? SQUEEZE BOX!
All in all, a fun Tuesday evening. Perhaps I’ll have to drop by during their next jam night appearance (Tuesday, May 4th).
The good news: I secured four tickets to the Pixies reunion tour show!
The bad news: I’ll have to wait a bit. They’re playing Accordion City on November 24th. I’ll be 37 then (my birthday’s November 5th).
In the meantime, I’ll have to wait and make do with these very well-recorded MP3s of the Pixies’ first live show in 12 years. They were recorded straight off the soundboard at the Fine Line Music Cafe in Minneapolis on April 13th.
This is a big collection of files, so they’re being distributed by BitTorrent (written by my friend Bram Cohen, who I’m glad is finally reaping some rewards for writing this fine piece of software). You can download BitTorrent here.
Here’s the set list for the show:
Encore:
21. Isla De Encanta
22. Velouria
23. In Heaven->Wave of Mutilation (UK Surf)
24. Where Is My Mind?
25. Into The White
I’m listening to them right now, and lovin’ ’em!
(And yes, Meryle, I’ll burn you a copy on CD-ROM for your birthday.)
The Redhead and I spent Sunday touring through downtown Boston, and while walking down Newbury Street (which in Accordion City terms, is like splicing Queen Street West, College Street West and Yorkville together), we stumbled into Avenue Victor Hugo Books, a used bookseller (alas, we don’t have a nice single word like the French do: bouquiniste).
I knew about the store since I remember reading the little writing
exercise/stunt in which Harlan Ellison spent three days sitting in
their window display writing short stories.
We noticed a sign in their front window announcing that after 29 years
in the bouquiniste business, they were closing their doors. Every book
in the store was being sold for half its marked price. Being avid
readers, the Redhead and I went in.

The store’s shelves, which have been fitted into every possible nook
and cranny, are groaning with books. I could spend days just hanging
out in this place, thumbing through old volumes.

The picture above shows a little nook into which a chair was placed for
the serious reader who wants to examine potential purchases very
carefully. I spent about a half hour here engrossed in some E. F. Schumacher.
The Redhead and I each walked out with a half-dozen books. Just for laughs, I topped off my purchases with a copy of Left Behind, just to see what the fuss is about. I’m prepared to be amused in that “so bad it’s good” way.
Right by the cashier were photocopied sheets with a short essay titled The Crepuscule
(Psst! That means “twilight”!). Subtitled “Twelve reasons for the death
of small and independent book stores”, it is a indictment of those who
helped kill the small and independent book store.
I asked the store for permission to reprublish the essay here. They
consented being quick to point out that while the essay points the
finger at others, the store management also acknowledges their own role
in the demise of the store (one has to wonder what it takes for a store
that sells books on the cheap to fail in the most college-y of college
towns).
The Crepuscule
Twelve reasons for the death of small and independent book stores
Ever
thankful to those who made the effort before us, with heartfelt
apologies to those who are still in the fight and the few who support
them–offered upon the closing of Avenue Victor Hugo Bookshop in Boston.
1. Corporate law
(and the politicians, lawyers, businessmen and accountants who created
it for their own benefit)–a legal fiction with more rights than the
individual citizen, which allows the likes of Barnes & Noble and
Walmart to write off the losses of a store in Massachusetts against the
profit of another in California, while paying taxes in Delaware–for
making competition a joke and turning the free market down the dark
road toward state capitalism.
2. Publishers–marketing
their product like so much soap or breakfast cereal, aiming at
demographics instead of people, looking for the biggest immediate
return instead of considering the future of their industry, ignoring
the art of typography, the craft of binding, and needs of editing, all
to make a cheapened product of glue and glitz–for being careless of a
500 year heritage with devastating result.
3. Book buyers–those
who want the convenience and cost savings of shopping in malls,
over the quaint, the dusty, or the unique; who buy books according to
price instead of content, and prefer what is popular over what is
good–for creating a mass market of the cheap, the loud, and the shiny.
4. Writers–who sell their
souls to be published, write what is already being written or choose
the new for its own sake, opt to feed the demands of editors rather
than do their own best work, place style over substance, and bear no
standards–for boring their readers unto television.
5. Booksellers–who
supply the artificial demand created by marketing departments for the
short term gain, accept second class treatment from publishers, push
what is hot instead of developing the long term interest of the
reader–for failing to promote quality of content and excellence in
book making.
6. Government
(local, state and federal)–which taxes commercial property to the
maximum, driving out the smaller and marginal businesses which are both
the seed of future enterprise and the tradition of the past, while
giving tax breaks to chain stores, thus killing the personality of a
city–for producing the burden of tax codes only accountants can love.
7. Librarians–once
the guardians, who now watch over their budgets instead–for destroying
books which would last centuries to find room for disks and tapes which
disintegrate in a few years and require costly maintenance or
replacement by equipment soon to be obsolete.
8. Book collectors–who
have metamorphosed from book worms to moths attracted only to the
bright; once the sentinels of a favorite authors work, now mere
speculators on the ephemeral product of celebrity–for putting books on
the same level with beanie babies.
9. Teachers–assigning
books because of topical appeal, or because of their own lazy
familiarity, instead of choosing what is best; thus a tale about the
teenage angst of a World War Two era prep school boy is pushed at
students who do not know when World War Two took place–for failing to
pass the torch of civilization to the next generation.
10. Editors–who
have forgotten the editorial craft–for servicing the marketing
department, pursuing fast results and name recognition over quality of
content and offering authors the Faustian bargain of fame and fortune,
while pleading their best intentions like goats.
11. Reviewers–for
promoting what is being advertised, puffing the famous to gain
attention, being petty and personal, and praising the obscure with
priestly authority–all the while being paid by the word.
12. The Public–those
who do not read books, or can not find the time; who live by the
flickering light of the television, and will be the first to fear the
darkening of civilization–for not caring about consequences.
Thus, we come to the twilight of the age of books; to the closing of
the mind; to the pitiful end of the quest for knowledge–and stare into
the cold abyss of night.
John Usher
From THE HOUND by John Usher, copyright 2004. Permission to reproduce is granted to all upon request with proper attribution.
This essay garnered a number of nasty comments. The person whom I
contacted at the store told me that some people seem to have taken it
personally, interpreting it as an attack on their character (or at
least their lack of bibliophilia).
What do you think? What’s the state of small and independent book stores where you live?
Here are some photos of me and The Redhead at the wedding of my friends Ashley Bristowe and Chris “Turner” Turner (author of the upcoming book Planet Simpson: How a Cartoon Masterpiece Documented an Era and Defined a Generation), which took place in early January in the beautifully mountainous Canmore, Alberta:

“My baby don’ mess around because she loves me so, and this I know fo’ sho’…”

I don’t think this even needs a caption. Oh, what the hey: this photo is proof positive that if Tony Pierce and I were to team up, we would be unstoppable. How ’bout it, Tony?

The Redhead and me, taking in the after-dinner speeches.

Awwwwwwwww…
Over at The Farm: The Tucows Developers’ Hangout, I have a long-ish entry covering starting salaries, some advice on how to make
more money as a programmer and my first programming job, which paid
CDN$12.50 an hour.
It didn’t take much schmooze-fu to get this fool to strike this pose
for the camera. More of his antics later and what happened last night
later…

He saved money by coming here on the short bus! “My sharp mind tells me that the ladies will dig this outfit.”