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It Happened to Me Toronto (a.k.a. Accordion City)

Accordion City Day, Part 3: X-Men in Accordion City!

While most things happen in New York City in the Marvel Universe (the milieu of most Marvel Comics), its superheroes often go to other cities. I’ve only recently read Wolverine/Doop (Wolverine’s the most popular X-Man, and Doop is a green mutant blob — kind of like Slimer from Ghostbusters — from the X-Men spinoff comic X-Statix), which takes place here in Accordion City — and features a lot of my local haunts in the backgrounds…

College Street West, Compressed. Note the locations: Cafe Diplomatico, The Orbit Room, the Royal Cinema, the Lava Lounge (which sadly, is closed as it’s being turned into a condo) and Dragon Lady Comics.

All are on College Street West, but not this close together — and the

street would have to run northwest/southeast for the financial district

building and the CN Tower to be visible. Still, it’s nifty seeing

places where I hang out depicted in an X-Men spinoff comic book.

Doop and Wolvie Racing Down the Annex. Featured in this Panel are Suspect Video and renowned comic book store The Beguiling.

That’s Ontario Place’s Cinesphere in the background.

I haven’t been to the Brunswick House since they remodelled and stopped being such a dive.

“Nooooooooooo-body!” You’d have to be from Toronto to get that joke. That’s former mayor (and a bit of a joke, at that) Mel Lastman. The proper honorific for the mayor here is “His Worship”, but we tended to refer to him as “His Washup”. And yes, CityTV is a local station (here’s its glowing write-up in Wired) a couple of blocks from my house.

Racing Down Spadina! The Silver Dollar Room is the home of a few of my misadventures and a couple of Meryle’s burlesque numbers. Remember Adventures in Babysitting — “Nobody leave dis place until dey sing dee blues?” That’s the Silver Dollar Room.

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It Happened to Me Toronto (a.k.a. Accordion City)

Accordion City Day, Part 1: Where the Women Are

Travelling westward on King Street West between Spadina and Bathrust

this morning, I saw a lineup about five blocks long made up almost

entirely of good-looking, well-dressed women in their 20s and 30s.

Among them was my friend Angela, who’d just arrived to take her place

at the back of the line.

“Movie auditions?” I asked.

“No, it’s a lululemon warehouse sale!”

(Guys: You might want to keep lululemon in mind if your girlfriend has

a birthday coming up. Girls go for that yoga stuff, and they look

pretty good in lululemon clothes.)

Single men, you might want to bring an accordion and go busk that crowd. The sale’s happening at 590 King Street West.

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It Happened to Me Music

Nine Inch Nails: The Hand That Feeds

Graphic: Nine Inch Nails 'NIN' logo.

I discovered one of my great guilty musical pleasures — Nine Inch

Nails — in early 1990, when that first album, Pretty Hate Machine was

a few months old. It’s one of a handful of albums around that time that

made me go “Who is this? I must have this!” after hearing only a few

songs (Smashing Pumpkins’ Gish and Nirvana’s Nevermind and Ween’s Pure Guava come to mind).

Trent Reznor is one of my musical heroes, as he proved that you could

play synth and still not sound wuss-a-riffic (before I was the Accordion Guy, I was a synth guy). Prior to Trent, most

people’s image of synth players weren’t terribly positive (Paul

Schaffer, you hurt a lot of keyboard players everywhere), and that went

double in the proto-emo-rock scene of 1992 Kingston, Ontario, where my

buddies Karl Mohr, “Craigertronic” and I were the three synth guys in

the small town of a thousand guitars. He made it cool to smash a

keyboard onstange, something I managed to do only once (after my wonky

Yamaha finally died during a gig).

Trent made my DJ career (1989-1994) at Crazy Go Nuts University stand out. While

the other campus pubs were cranking out the pap of the day — Marky

Mark’s Good Vibrations and Bryan Adams’ Everything I Do (I Do It For

You) and more Color Me Badd than you can shake a  stick at — you

came to Clark Hall Pub to hear Nine Inch Nails, along with Ministry,

Public Enemy, Sonic Youth and Jane’s Addiction.

I was the drunk guy dancing right by that stage when Nine Inch Nails

played Lollapalooza ’91 here in Accordion City. Maybe not the only drunk guy, but I

was there. And drunk.

Trent also played in indirect part in my accordion career. The first

number I played on accordion in front of a large crowd was Head Like a

Hole, which I did with Karl Mohr in front of the stunned goth masses at

the now-defunct Sanctuary Vampire Sex Bar (the story appears here).


Nine Inch Nails’ upcoming album, With Teeth, is due to be released on

May 3rd. It’s expected to be a more song-oriented album; Der Trentster

said in a recent Rolling Stone interview that “It’s going to be twelve

good punches in the face – no

fillers, no instrumentals, just straight to the point.” My face awaits!

As a fan, I present to you something I stumbled across — a crappy MP3 recording of the first single off the album, The Had That Feeds

[3.9 MB MP3, enclosure]. It’s a catchy basic little rocker whose really

fat bassline should sound good in the full-fidelity version. Enjoy!

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It Happened to Me

"The Call", Again

I got “the call” again today.

“The call” my own little name for the phone call I get from a family

member to inform me that Dad has yet again wound up in the hospital. As

I’ve probably mentioned dozens of times before in this blog, the

“perfect storm” of diabetes, a heart condition and lowered immunity

because of the anti-rejection drugs he has to take for his kidney

transplant means that keeping Dad’s health in balance is like trying to

keep a marble on balanced on the head of a pin by blowing at it from

all sides.

Long story short: last night, after we had our regular Sunday family

meal (a special treat this time: lunch at Dynasty for dim sum), Dad

didn’t feel like eating dinner. This morning, he took a turn for the

worse and got taken to the hospital, where he had some kind of cardiac

attack. Luckily — it feels strange to use the word “luckily” in this

context — he just happened to be in the right place at the right time.

The appropriate measures were taken, and Dad spent the afternoon

sleeping peacefully.

He woke up at about 5:30 this afternoon and saw me by his bedside.

“So,” he asked immediately after coming to, “Is the wedding still on? You can’t back out now that your mother has bought her dress.

(That’s his favourite joke; he says it every time he sees me.)

Daaaaaaaaaad!


I thought I’d send out a special thanks to both the staff at St. Joseph’s Health Centre for being such top-flight and nice people and to Boss Ross, CEO Elliot

and the Tucows human resources staff for understanding that I’ve got to

blaze out of the office and into the hospital every now and again.

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It Happened to Me

And Now, a Letter from the Editor…

From the look of it, this is going to be one of those years that I’ll

look back upon and say “Whoa, I was pretty busy back then!”. Hence the

shortage of more personal “Hey, look at what I did” entries. It’s not

that I haven’t been up to interesting stuff; it’s just that those

entries take the most time and energy, and those are at a premium. I

find it far, far easier and quicker to write op-ed entries and point

you to interesting things on both the web and in real life. I plan to

get back to writing some “It Happened to Me” stories soon, but in the

meantime, I hope you’re still enjoying the sort of posts I’ve been

making of late.

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It Happened to Me

Last Night

It’s always a blast to step out for food and drinks with our friends from the Tucows office in Starkville, Mississippi,

and last night was no exception. My coworker Darryl and I hung out with

Bill, who was visiting from Starkville and had a blast. We talked about

work, poker, booze, alcoholic Van Halen bass players and even a bit of

politics. Anyone who says that “Red Staters” and “Blue Staters” (or

well, Darryl and I would be, if we were American) can’t get along needs

to get out of their echo chamber for a stretch.

We all agreed that the Bush plan to privatize social security sounds

like a perfect opportunity for financial institutions to gouge people,

which in turn sounds like a perfect opportunity to post this comic:

Comic: Geroge Bush in a tank approaching a building marked 'Social Security' saying 'We'll be greeted as liberators!'


We talked for a little bit about tech enclaves and what painful social

scenes places with nine-to-one male/female ratios have. Naturally, the

movie Office Space came up. Bill and I love that movie.

Strangely enough, my fellows in Tucows’ Reasearch and Innovation

department haven’t seen it yet (when I started working at Tucows, Boss Ross

didn’t know what the “Is it good for the company?” sign I posted at my

des referred to). What the hell kind of research group are we? I must

correct this oversight soon.


We ended up at my favourite watering hole, Smokeless Joe, where they

know me well enough that as soon as I sat down at the bar, the barkeep

said “Sorry Joey, there’s no Black Katt

on tap this evening.” That’s why I love that bar so dearly; they know

me there, and they’ll often turn down the stereo to let me play

accordion for the crowd.

Rick Mercer happened to

be sitting at the bar beside us and we got into a conversation with

him. Mercer, for those of you who don’t know him, used to be on a CBC

news satire show called This Hour Has 22 Minutes and does an occasional special called Talking to Americans,

in which Mercer does “man on the street” interviews in the US that show

how little our friends to the south know about their largest trading

partner with whom they share the world’s largest undefended

border.Americanophile that I am (hey, I’m marrying one, and I’m the

direct descendant of one), it pains me to note that a number of their

politicans have used “I’ve never travelled outside the country!” as part of their campaigns.

Bill asked Mercer if he was the one who fooled  then-Governor

George Bush (he got Bush to comment on his endorsement by Canadian

Prime Minister “Jean Poutine”), to which Mercer replied “yes”. “I’m

glad you didn’t interview me; I might’ve made the same mistake,” Bill

said.

To be fair: can any of my fellow Canadians name the G8 member countries

— we’ll exclude the European Union for the purposes of this question

— and their leaders? (I can, but I’m the smartest accordion player in

the city. I have a level of excellence to maintain.)

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In the News It Happened to Me Music

RIP Jimmy Smith: 1926 – 2005

Photo: Jimmy Smith at the Hammond B-3.

Jimmy Smith, master of the “Full Eights” sound on the mighty Hammond B-3!

Around 1985, the Yamaha Organ School was doing its damndest to expunge

my love for music and my sense of rhythm. While Yamaha’s musical

instrument division were practically redefining instruments — consider

the Yamaha grand piano’s bright sound, favoured by Glenn Gould and many

rock pianists, as well as the DX-7 synthesizer and the WX-7, which let

sax and clarinet players play synth — the ghouls behind the home organ

division crafted a course bereft of soul and full of schmaltz. I had a

teacher who had a bit of a legato fetish; she was an advocate of a

playing style in which the notes blurred together into a bland aural

mush. To make matters worse, I was only two out of fourteen songs

through the required Barry Manilow songbook.

After making sure that I got kicked out of organ school at the annual

recital (long story, which I’ll recount later), I became a synth player

full-time. I even went to far as to erase any of the organ sounds from

my Akai AX-60 synth. I’d had enough of that infernal instrument.

What changed my mind was a music course I took at Crazy Go Nuts

University: “Science and Technology for Musicians”. It qualified as an

“arts” course for engineering students and as a “science” course for

the music students. I often gave them a hand with the science parts

(“Uh, Joey, how do I draw a graph of a 5Hz sine wave with an amplitude

of 2?”) and they gave me a hand with non-keyboard instruments (“Uh,

Dave, how do I play a scale on a clarinet?”).

During the course, I wound up writing a paper on the Hammond B-3 organ.

This instrument was clearly the invention of a former watchmaker: a

classic Hammond is essentially a big electric motor driving a gear

system which in turn drives a series of wheels that made sound. While

writing the paper, I decided to hit the music library and listen to

artists who were considered B-3 virtuosos; that’s when I discovered

Jimmy Smith.

My bad experiences at the Yamaha Organ School, coupled with a teacher

who was more devoid of funk than the entire Michigan Militia, led me to

forget that one could play the organ with rhythm and even staccato

attacks. On the organ, Jimmy Smith’s hands and feet could be weapons;

his playing style defined what we now considered to be the de facto

organ soloing and pedalling style.

Musicians who redefine the way their

instrument is played tend to draw inspiration from other instruments. For example, Carlos Santana says that in order to perfect his signature guitar playing style, he played Dionne Warwick albums over and over and listened to her voice.

In Smith’s case, he drew inspiration from trumpet players, mimicking

their lines. He even emulated their sound in solos by killing the Leslie

(an organ spaker mounted on a rotating stand that gives organs their

“whirling” sound) and slamming every drawbar save the lowest and

highest to the “zero” setting.

After buying Jimmy’s live album, Root Down (whose name you should recognize — the Beastie Boys covered the title track on Ill Communication),

I reprogrammed the organ sounds back into my synth, and made sure than

any subsequent synth I bought could do a decent B-3 impression. Later,

when the organ made its comeback in rock in the early 1990’s (thanks

largely to the “Madchester” sound of bands like the Charlatans,

Inspiral Carpets, Milltown Brothers, et. al.), I copped more than my

fair share of Jimmy Smith licks at gigs. In 1994, I got to completely “Smith

out” when the band we opened for let me use their B-3 and Leslie. It

was heaven.

My last

synth — a Korg WaveStation A/D,

which I still have — has a patch I programmed: a monster B-3 sound

with a touch of distortion and a decent Leslie effect paired with

spring reverb. When you dial it up, its name appears in capital letters

on the display: JIMMY SMITH.


Jimmy Smith died on Tuesday at the age of 79. He’d been playing the organ for 50 years and would’ve embarked on a tour with Joey “The other keyboardist named Joey” deFrancesco next month.

Thanks, Jimmy, for all the music, and for helping me fall in love with the organ again.