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Category: Editorial
The encounter that led to the pregnancy is far more complicated than you might think. To keep things tasteful, let me simply say that while they used an air duct, there was no meeting of a (ahem) glorious sort.
Both Daisy Link and Joan Depaz (Joan is pronounced like “Juan”) were held at the Turner Guilford Knight Correctional Center, with Daisy on the 4th floor and Joan on the 6th. So no, there was no (ahem) glorious congress.
They communicated by passing handwritten notes that were guided through the air ducts via a makeshift line fashioned out of their bedding. At some point, the relationship got serious enough for Depaz to wrap his semen in plastic wrap and deliver it to Link through their air duct system. I’m beyond impressed; when we first moved into our house, we had an air duct that was effectively a straight line yet could barely move air through it, never mind love notes and liquids.
The news reports don’t provide any details on how their line-through-the-air-ducts system worked, which is greatly disappointing to a techie like me. It occurred to me that since Depaz was two floors above Link, whatever he sent got a gravity assist. That’s when I started doing the math.
The velocity v of an object falling from height h when it finally hits the ground is…
…where g is acceleration due to gravity, which is 9.8 m/s2 on Earth.
Assuming…
- A maximum distance scenario, where the vent in Depaz’s cell was right by the ceiling and the one in Link’s room was right by the floor, and
- the floors have a height of 3 meters (close enough to 10 feet; it’s actually 9.84 feet), and
- we’re not concerned with air resistance or air currents in the ductwork
…anything Depaz sent to Link would hit the ground at a speed of √(2 × 9.8 × 6) m/s, or a little over 10.8 meters per second. Expressed in Freedom Units, that’s 24.2 miles an hour. In this case, “splat” is an appropriate word for more than one reason; he must have wrapped up his stuff really well.
(I have theories on how they set up their ductwork communications system and how it applies to identity and networked systems, and if you meet up with me for a beer, I will happily expound.)
All this storytelling is for a purpose, and that purpose is to remind you that you shouldn’t let something deter you because it seems too difficult:
If these people can start a romance and a family in jail from two floors apart using only the material at hand, maybe you can find a solution to the problem you’re facing.
Need context?
“Bakery”, “road trip”, and “tradition” are often associated with certain geographies in literature and tourism booklets. That’s probably why the next-word predictor in the heart of whatever LLM wrote the headline above decided to us “mountain town” to describe Yalaha, Florida, home of Yalaha Bakery. Florida’s the flattest state in the Union, and despite having places named Mount Dora, there are no mountains here.
Any AI, no matter how well-trained, has no experience. It simply has representations of experience, derived from whatever literature, media, or data has been put into its training material.
The article is right about one thing: You need to check out Yalaha Bakery, which not just a bakery, but a deli and a biergarten with live music on the weekends!
And such good cheesy pretzel rolls, too!
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Be someone’s “Gary”
I have no proof that the above story happened, but I have had my own “Gary” experience back in the early 2000s, back when I lived in Toronto.
And yes, I’ll name the person and place: Joe Sacco, then-owner/manager of the pub Smokeless Joe on John Street.
Early August, 2002: I was sitting at the bar at Smokeless Joe, waiting to meet someone for a second date. She appeared to be running late. Fifteen minutes stretched into thirty, which stretched in forty-five. Finally, just shy of an hour after it was supposed to begin, I got a phone call. Not on my cell phone, but on the bar’s landline.
Remember, this was 2002, five years before the iPhone was even announced. Texting wasn’t easy then, and even mobile phones were still a little unusual.
Think about how I’d have to pass the time back then, before the era of the smartphone. I probably chatted with the barkeep, read the menu a couple of times, and perused the local free alt-weekly papers, Eye and Now. Smokeless Joe didn’t have a TV, which is highly unusual for a bar, even back then.
The barkeep passed me the phone, and my date told me it wasn’t going to work out.
Joe must’ve been observing, because shortly after I dejectedly returned the handset, he walked over to the barkeep and whispered something in his ear. Only a moment passed before the barkeep placed a pint of stout before me, saying “Sorry she’s not coming. Joe told me to give you a couple of these, on the house.”
I cryptically wrote about it here on August 21, 2002, which was twenty-four years ago. Just thinking about what happened that day, even though almost a quarter century has passed, brings back a flood of memories, and more importantly, the feelings that went along with them. But what I’ll remember most is that act of kindness to this day. Thank you so very much, Joe!
As I wrote at the start of this post, I have no proof that the “Gary” in the review pictured above exists or that the event took place. But I know for certain that things like this have happened and can still happen.
If the opportunity ever presents itself, be someone’s “Gary”.
Want to know more? Visit BookRiot.com.
Trump’s video
You’ve probably heard about the AI-generated video that Trump posted to Truth Social, where he interrupts Stephen Colbert’s farewell monologue on the last episode of The Tonight Show to throw Colbert into a dumpster. I’ve posted the video below, as an unlisted video on my own channel, to ensure that I don’t have to point to some MAGA account and help them profit from it:
The actual White House Twitter account reposted the video, which is another data point for the “Everyone is twelve now” theory:
Colbert’s video
What makes for far better and longer viewing is Stephen Colbert’s return to public access television a mere 23 hours after the final Tonight Show. He returned to his roots on Monroe, Michigan’s Monroe Public Access Cable Television, which is now called Monroe Community Media 1, to host their show, titled Only in Monroe.
He was joined by a number of famous locals:
- Only in Monroe’s regular hosts, Michelle Baumann and Kaye Lani Rae Rafko Wilson (who was Miss America in 1988). They drank shots of Cain & Grain from a local distiller, River Raisin Distillery.
- Jack White — yes, the Jack White from The White Stripes, as the musical director, complete with boom box and reel-to-reel tape player.
- Steve Buscemi, who made a public service announcement for the Buscemi’s Pizza in Monroe to clarify he has no connection to them
- Byron Allen, via FaceTime. He’s taking over “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” timeslot with back-to-back episodes of his syndicated Comics Unleashed.
- Jeff Daniels, who joined for an on-screen picnic lunch featuring a sandwich he invented, followed by destroying the set, with the approval of…
- …an unofficial fire marshall names Marshall Mathers, whom you might know as Eminem.
If you watch only one of the two videos featured in thsi article, make it the second one.
If you watch only one public access cable show this year, make it Stephen Colbert’s episode of Only in Monroe.