“Round-eye will pay. Ooooh yes, round-eye will pay.” What this man needs is an accordion.

An Asian dude by the name of Wesley has a site called Stuff That Is Awesome, and on it, he’s publsihed a bitter, funny and at least partly-true essay called The Curse of the Asian Man. It may help explain why Details’ Gay or Asian? puff piece garnered so much ire.

Go give it a look. I love the illustrations he included:

It’s true: in fact, the next items on the “To-Do” list in my iCal are “Avenge death”, followed by “Pick up dry cleaning”.

I stumbled across this entry after seeing this entry in Richard’s Just a Gwai Lo, which took me to this entry in Karl’s La Grange, which in turn took me to the asian asymmetry entry in Joseph’s Goatee, which also points to this entry in Nora’s blog, Au Jus, in which she writes:

i’ve never really thought of dating other asians just from pure lack of
them in my community. when i was a kid it was really important to fit
into the white community so white was the standard of attractiveness.
sometimes i find myself wishing i were single so i could deny the whole
white male power thing (not that my SO is the epitome of white power
[snort]). sometimes i’m tired of being a part of the asian female/white
male couple cliche. sometimes it feels like i’m trying to live some
sort of jungle fever in reverse thing. sometimes i want to refute the
whole idea of “look at how accepted i am! look how i fit in! i can even
date white boys now!” maybe i should sign up to get a date with william hung.

Your comments, please…


Well, I can definitely agree that Nora’s SO is not Joe White Guy (though he may be named Joseph).
Joey, you and a very few other people truly understand how complicated my feelings about Asian men are. But my views on race aren’t exactly typical of the American 29 year old chick. Meh, I don’t know. Our couplehood has little to do with our races, though we are learning lots about each other’s cultures. Being the opposite of the type of couple our friend Wesley’s talking about, I don’t really know how he feels. I don’t much feel that the white boys are ignoring me. It just turns out that the boy I like best is Asian. I see him just fine. 🙂

I remain completely baffled by this phenomena. Until I started reading your blog, I’ll be honest: I thought the reason I couldn’t find any Asian men to date was that they had all been snatched up already by smarter girls than me.
Despite claims that we don’t exist, I am one of those women with a thing for Asian men. Not that I’m willing to exclude anyone from my dating pool due to silly things like gender or race, but Asian guys rank very high in most of my desireable categories, including dark-haired, smart and – above all – sexy. Mmm. Granted, I greatly admire lean frames and a lack of chest foliage, but I find the concept of viewing Asian men as sexless to be pretty incomprehensible. Put simply, a high percentage of them are HOTT, at least in my world-view, and I know at least a couple of other girls who agree with me.
Which always makes me wonder why I’ve dated so few of them. I don’t seem to meet many (for some reason they skip the whole goth scene, for the most part, which is confusing, as goth chicks really dig guys with dark hair, “exotic” features and lean-to-skinny bodies – it’s kind of the ruling aesthetic in the subculture), and the ones I meet are generally taken, or the type of personality I’d reject even if it was wrapped in a perfect physical package.
I have to agree with the Redhead that it’s a complicated issue, probably more so than I can accurately explore in a blogger comment. In which case, I’m willing to settle for some hints on where I might start meeting more of these interesting, 30-something Asian men who are apparently desperate for a girlfriend, because I’m failing utterly on my own. Hey, maybe it’s a broken link in the supply-and-demand chain!
– Stacy

I had comments about the first graphic too, as well as with Karl’s piece, but couldn’t not formulate them as well as Karl did. I even thought about writing my comments in French before realizing that it’s been 8 years since I spoke it at any length, the couple times in China (!) excluded.
All I could come up with is “if you look closely, most Asian girls are dating Asian guys”, although then you’d get into categorization like CBC (Canadian-Born Chinese) and ABC (American-Born Chinese). It’s likely that the CBC or ABC women will think dating a white guy is less exotic and more normal than someone born and raised overseas.
When I started blogging, I wrote a piece on attraction to Asian women, but I’m trying to distance myself from it (I stand by it as an accurate reflection of my thoughts at the time, however). I know a Korean woman who is dating white men more often than normal, and she felt the need to tell me, and I just shrugged. I no longer see why it’s so controversial that race is one of the characteristics people look for in a partner? Look at any metropolitan city with a large Asian population (that phrase is a redundancy these days) and you’ll see Asian women dating white guys but not the other way around. Without any numbers to back it up, I’d say that’s changing, although I don’t know a lot of Asian guys who would be interested in dating a white girl.
If you like someone, and that person likes you, why should the reasons matter?

As an Asian guy in the US, I definitely feel what this dude is saying. However, recently I heard that it’s different in Canada, and that for white girls (or any girl for that matter), dating an Asian guy doesn’t carry the same kind of stigma as it does in the US. Is that true?

My first serious girlfriend – like, we cohabitated and everything – was Korean, and I remember once listening to her and her knockout younger sister complain about Korean guys, who they said they’d never be caught dating. (“They always have to work at their parents’ store,” was one notable criticism.)
For awhile, I worked at a one-hour photo shop owned by my girlfriends’ best friend’s (Korean) parents. I once watched in awe as the mom chewed out her straight-A college student son – who’d just biked to the shop after classes in 98F high summer heat to help out, as he did every day – for sweating.
Sweating. Poor guy.
Asian guys get it from both sides – their parents and their female peers: That was the lesson I drew from the whole experience. No wonder dude with the rant is so pissed.

Hey there, Silly G!
You’re absolutely right: if you like someone and that person likes you, the reasons why shouldn’t matter. In fact, many people don’t know why they have that certain chemistry; they just know that they do.
The hurdle for Asian guys is being considered a candidate in the first place. It’s a problem that’s reinforced by popular culture.
Consider action movies produced in Hollywood: the white action gets the girl; the black action hero gets the girl; but how ’bout the Asian action hero? Not in any Jackie Chan movie I can recall. Rumble in the Bronx? The girl remained the reformed bad guy’s girlfriend. How ’bout Chow Yun-Fat in The Replacement Killers? I think the most he got was a hug from Mira Sorvino. Same for Jet Li: he got a hug from Aaliyah in Romeo Must Die (a film I loved) and from hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold Bridget Fonda in Kiss of the Dragon (which I also loved).
Now consider popular music and especially music television — say, MuchMusic (Canada’s music video station). If you tally the number of live perfomances made by Asian musicians at the MuchMusic studios, I stand a good chance of being in the top 10 (I have three feature appearances on MucMusic) — maybe even the top 5. Me! A busker, who only does it as a hobby, with no record contract. Just a guy with a little schmooze-fu, a little ambition and an accordion.
I’m pretty comfortable where I am — I’m currently seeing a lovely lady, and I’ve developed a pretty good dating style and have even harnessed the power of certain “free-reed assistive technologies” (when William Gibson said “The street finds its own uses for things”, he wasn’t kidding). However, even given the fact that I like to stack the odds in my favour and plain ol’ dumb luck often goes my way, I sometimes feel that cold shoulder that a lot of Asian guys do complain about. I know it doesn’t have to be this way, especially in this globalized age, and I hope that this blog illustrate that point and give my Asian homeboys hope.

“Hail to the king, baby. Hail to the king.”

Next to an Asian mom’s browbeating, even the notorious guilt-tripping of a Jewish mother is like a Sunday school picnic for Michael Bolton fans in comparison. Especially my Mom, who is the Chief of Cardiology at St. Joseph’s Health Center, a major hospital here in Toronto. She could literally kill you and make it look like natural causes.
Getting chewed out by Mom falls under “Avenging Death”, which accordiong to Wesley’s chart, takes up 10% of my active thinking.

I can’t prove it, but generally the mixed-race dating scene in Canada feels better. This country’s enshrined multiculturalism — despite its detractors among Canada’s right wing (whom I like to teasingly call “crypto-Americans”) — seems to help create that atmosphere.
Of course, locale counts — for instance, there’s a world of difference between a small town in Northern Ontario or Alberta and a large, cosmopolitan cities like Vancouver, Toronto and Montreal. Just like the difference between Dayton, Ohio (where I have actual blonde-haired, blue-eyed blood kin!) and Manhattan.
I will say that just from hanging out in bars, clubs and restaurants and living, working and busking here in downtown Toronto, I have noted an increase in Asian guy/white girl couples over the past couple of years.

“the white action gets the girl; the black action hero gets the girl; but how ’bout the Asian action hero? Not in any Jackie Chan movie I can recall.”
I think maybe Wesley there is acting to much like Jackie Chan in Tuxedo, when he might have better luck with something more like Jackie Chan in Operation Condor. Seriously, I know a few guys of asian descent, and the ones that get the girls are the ones with personalities much like the white guys that get the girls. ie. they are confident, outgoing, and have a range of useful social skills.
Any man with a distinguishing physical or cultural feature who isn’t lucky with the ladies will automatically blame any perceived problems in that department on his race, height, weight, geekiness, lack of hair, third nostril, or whatever. I’m not saying those things are entirely without effect, of course… but many people, including you I think, tend to exaggerate it.
It’s not just asian guys that “occasionally feel that cold shoulder.” It’s pretty much anyone who isn’t Elvis Presley.

For the last four weeks I’ve been teaching a unit on Hong Kong Action Cinema to a class of largely Asian students with the result that, apart from the bride, my mind looks remarkably like the cross-section of an Asian guy’s mind at present.
William Hung? Could be a bit young for me… Sammo Hung would be a different story, however >:-D

bah, asian guys have it easy…what about us brown (indian, pakistani etc.) guys? we’re talkin’ bottom-of-the-barrel here, even those of us who are likelier to be found at a Walkmen gig at the Horseshoe than behind the wheel of a taxicab. Our contribution to pop culture can be summed up in one word: Apu. We might as well be frickin’ invisible; to the goth chick above, I’m dark-haired and alarmingly skinny (low-carb diet), can I be part of a ‘ruling aesthetic’ too?
thank you, and for the love of jeebus, come again…
“Sanjay to the entrance with the Windex”…

Jesus Asian guys, what’s the deal? Maybe I shouldn’t be at this website, seeing as I’m a young white guy from Australia (the enemy perhaps). I seriously have no idea what you’re talking about! In Australia, at least in Brisbane where I live, you almost never see an Asian guy without a girlfriend. It’s like Asian people won’t leave the house unless they’re with their partner. And they always stick together! There are a lot of Asian people in Australia and I reckon I can count on one hand the amount of times I’ve seen a white guy with an Asian girl. It’s seemingly impossible to break into their cliques – I wouldn’t know how to meet an Asian girl.
And this is considering that when I went to university, there were more international students (mostly Asian) than Australian students. I studied Japanese and was surrounded by Chinese, Cantonese, Korean and Taiwanese people and at no time did I feel like any of these people could have been my friend. And of course not because they’re Asian, just because they’re so damn unfriendly towards white people.
Now strangely this phenomena seems restricted purely to Australia. I recently spent a month in Hong Kong and China and people in both places were as friendly as you could possibly imagine. Alright, there is a chance that this is because they wanted my money, but still – there was no aversion to white people.
I’d also like to confirm somewhat what you guys seem to believe about Asian women wanting foreign boyfriends. I was like a celebrity there for fucksake! Admittedly I’m 6’1, decent build, atheletic, confident, masculine (that means I have a beard) etc, etc. It’s inevitable that I would draw attention from women in China – I draw attention from women in Australia. But this was definitely a new level. I could not go anywhere without people staring at me. And I’m not talking about your basic look and look away – I mean staring. If I was visible, they were still looking at me. Of course any man who gets this much attention is going to be desired by women. And I would say that has a little bit to do with wanting a foreign boyfriend (amongst a veritable plethora of other factors). Attention. Look at me. Women love it! Ok, not all women are obsessed with people looking at them – but the hot ones all are.
Hot women are not thinking women and they are not the same as regular women. You can get a regular girl to go out with you just because you two like each other, regardless of anything else. But to get a hot woman’s attention you have to be confident, masculine and, dare i say it, a challenge. You may have to try not being the nicest guy in the world – which must surely be a challenge for most super-polite Chinese people. I’m not saying be mean or anything, but in general guys who are successful with girls DO NOT worship them. Perhaps the Asian guy’s problem is he is too nice…
Haven’t you ever noticed the amount of old, ugly rich guys with young, beautiful girls? It’s because money means power and security. The two things that women (in general) are subconsciously attracted to. And hey, if you don’t have money, nothing radiates power like confidence and inner security. You’re powerful if you don’t need something. I.e., you’re powerful if you rock up to the negotiating table and you don’t need something from them, but they need something from you. And to me, therein lies the key. You give all your power to women when you tell them you like them, or give them gifts or tell them how good they are. You are not a challenge, and therefore uninteresting. Now don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying treat a woman like shit if you want a happy relationship. But there is something to be said for not coming on too strong…
Anyway I only just came across blog and i’m not yet a part of it. Anybody who wants to send me something can e-mail me at

“Our contribution to pop culture can be summed up in one word: Apu.”
Who is voiced by a white guy, no less.

“I seriously have no idea what you’re talking about! In Australia, at least in Brisbane where I live, you almost never see an Asian guy without a girlfriend.”
Like I said, if you look closely, most Asian guys date Asian women. The reverse is also true, though less true. An Asian man dating a non-Asian woman is the exception to the rule (although Joey and Wendy are mighty fine exceptions, if I do say so myself).
“here are a lot of Asian people in Australia and I reckon I can count on one hand the amount of times I’ve seen a white guy with an Asian girl.”
You’ve obviously never been to Vancouver.
“I was like a celebrity there for fucksake!”
Oh yeah, me too when I was in Northern China. But that’s because I was exotic. My favourite story about that is the woman who wanted to practice her English with somebody, but did not want to do it with my Chinese-Canadian friends because, despite being born and raised in Canada and speaking flawless English, they were not “pure Canadians” like I was.
Back here in Canada, though, I’m just another white guy (hence the title of my weblog).

I’ve only met one East Indian fellow in the goth clubs, he seemed to fare no better or worse with the ladies than any other gangly mid-20s lad, although that’s hardly a decent sample group.
It may be relevant that “alternative” girls are often into alternate media, including foreign films where the non-white guy *does* get the girl. Mind you, Hong Kong action cinema provides more cool points than Bollywood musicals…
There’s also the flip problem: nice non-white guys are often looking for nice, normal girls of any race. Tattooed pink-haired freaks may not fit that bill, especially given the family pressures involved (I clean up nice, apparently, but I’m still not what Mom is hoping for 🙂
– Stacy

Earilier this month, I wrote an entry on my blog entitled “Asian Men Are Sexy“. It’s basically a run-down of my frustration that my handsome Asian-male counterparts don’t get the recognition they deserve, and how I absolutely hate the way that Asian males are stereotyped in most films. It ended with a list of links to photos and websites of some of the sexy Asian actors out there who don’t always necessarily get their due. At any rate, I’ve been surprised by the amount of hits that entry gets! My blog doesn’t get much traffic, maybe 20-50 hits a day, and I’ve never given a crap about that. But what really amuses me is, whenever I do check my “stats and referrers” page, at least 1-6 times a day, I get Google hits for some variation of the search terms “Sexy Asian Males” or “Asian Men Sexy”. It’s nice, it makes me feel like perhaps I’m not the only woman out there who sees Asian men for the desirable, handsome males they are.
Admittedly, I’m 50% Filipino, so perhaps that makes me more receptive to seeing Asian men as sexy-as-hell. My husband’s white as white can be, but his whiteness wasn’t what drew me to him, it was his personality, his mind, his charm. He’s damn easy on the eyes, too, but my criteria for attractiveness doesn’t start with “White” or “Asian”, it’s based on so many things, none of which can necessarily be stamped with a label for ethnicity. I just wish that more women could look past the stereotypes and see Asian men for what they really are! They’ve also got great personalities, sharp minds, and charm to spare, and they’re also pretty damn easy on the eyes; why so many women can’t see that, I just don’t know.
I’m rambling and not being very articulate today, so I’m gonna quit while I’m sorta ahead.
–Kim (Mizzkyttie)

Is the higher incidence of mixed couples a matter of perception or is it really happening? (akin to the situation where after you buy a <insert car name here> you begin to notice that there’s practically nothing but <insert car name here>’s on the road!)

with regaurd to Mr. Chan, I believe that he makes it a point to not “hook up” with the female in the end so as to not piss off his large female fan base. I recall a interview where he went so far as to not even kiss on screen (whats up with that?).

Kim, you are full of sh#t and your opinion doesn’t count anyway since you’re married to a friggin’ white guy. Besides, halfies always have it easy. You might as well be white. And all your patronizing won’t help us one bit. Stop trying to look like a hero, having your cake and eating it too. I can’t stand people like you.
–Asian guy

I wasn’t going to reply to this when I came across it today. After not looking at this article for months, just out of curiosity, I’d clicked on the article link in my Stats and Referrers to see if there was any more commentary about Joey’s article from anyone else, after I had commented. That’s when I saw your comment, Asian Guy.
I apologize for whatever experience you’ve had with bi-racial people in the past that has made it possible for you to be so upset by my comment. As is common on the internet, it is always easier to say hurtful things to people you have no real idea about. I do find it interesting, however, that other people of other races have commented on this article, and yet you do not disqualify their opinions because they’re fully white, or not white at all, or fully Asian. You have only seen fit to disqualify mine, because I am bi-racial, and married to a white man.
You say that I have it easy, and that I am patronizing, and that I am trying to look like a hero. You, who do not know me, find it so easy to hold this opinion, and you say it with such certainty. Perhaps it’s a waste of time to explain a little where I’m coming from and who I am, but I’ve never been the type to just sit back when someone says something nasty to me.
As I was growing up, from childhood through early adolescence, I was the only not-100%-Caucasian student in my school and all the schools of the surrounding towns. Everywhere I went, the only non-white faces I saw were those of my own immediate family. Though I was born in the US to a Filipino mother and a white father, English was not my first language, Tagalog was. My brother got in fights with the white boys in town because they called him a “chink” — among other things. You say I “have it easy”, despite the fact that my family was the target for any and all racist sentiments that anyone in town happened to harbor. You say I may as well be white, but even to this day, the white people I meet always ask me “where I’m from”, and a lot of people have introduced me as “Their Filipino friend”. Though it bothers me that you say I don’t count and I have it easy and I may as well be white, it also rankles me when white people completely discount my white-ness and only emphasize my Asian-ness.
You say that I’m having my cake and eating it, too, because I’m married to a white man. Again, with the lack of diversity in my area, what was I to do, get a mail-order husband or move to a more racially diverse community? When I was single and looking for a relationship, I never saw any Asian faces in the places I went, and it’s not because I was avoiding them. Would you have been equally as angry-sounding in your comment, had I married an Asian man? My husband has many wonderful qualities; after 8 years, I am finding more every day. The fact that he is white doesn’t make him any more or any less a good person. In fact, he’s one of the few white people I’ve met that fully accepts me for who I am, without discounting the importance either culture holds for me. Perhaps it’s the years he spent living in Korea, and the time he’s spent researching Japanese, Korean, and of recent years, Filipino culture? I’m not 100% sure. However, I do know that he — as few other single-race people have — understands that for me to turn my back or discount the importance of EITHER of my races in my upbringing and shaping of who I am, would be a betrayal of the richness and beauty of both cultures
If I do not belong with Asian people, as you (and a few other Asians I have met,) seem to feel, and as so many white people persist as seeing me as Other, as well, then where do I belong? Would you have been less prone to calling me full of shit and patronizing if I had married a bi-racial man? I’ve only met two other half-Filipino males in my life, and that was after I was married. I’ve only met one other half-Filipina, also, and her experience reflected mine. All the biracial people I have met — and this goes for the Asian/white and black/white biracial people — say the same thing over and over again. We’re not white enough to fit in with our white side, we’re not dark enough to fit in with our non-white side, and neither side accepts us fully. We’re never taken at face value by either side, because both sides see us as Other. You say I have it so easy, but perhaps we have both got our own difficulties to face. For all that you are so ready to disqualify and discount me, perhaps we can agree on that one statement. We all have our own struggles. Why fling hateful words on someone that you don’t even know, and make their struggle even a small bit more difficult? It doesn’t make your own any easier.
–Kim (Mizzkyttie)

you sick bastard….why are you so obssessed by white girls? you like the fact that they are “white” more than the fact that they are girls. sick, sick, sick!!!
Do you know how racist you actually come off as. you complain about not being able to get white girls, but then you discriminate against girls of all other background and only see “white” as being “Right”.

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