The Adventures of Accordion Guy in the 21st Century

The first Microsoft commercial featuring Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfeld established them as oddball buddies in a commercial running one minutes and thirty seconds. In the follow-up, they’re living with a suburban family as an exercise in being in touch with ordinary people and weirdness ensues. The version shown below is the long one — it runs for four minutes and thirty seconds, and features a teensy bit of technology and tech terms (for a brief moment, Gates talks about object-oriented design) and another “Bill, give me a sign!” ending.

Update: The screen capture of Jack Layton’s Twitter page shown below is a Photoshop edit — all the entries save the second, third and fourth are real, and the “hack” never happened. The graphic passed to me was a joke, and I fell for it. It happens sometimes.

(But the security tip still applies!)

Jack Layton, leader of the New Democratic Party here in Canada, has a Twitter account. He — or his personal assistant — has been posting in a style that sounds more like a real human being than a press release.

What he (or his personal assistant) has to remember is to make sure you’ve logged out of services like Twitter, GMail and so on after using a public computer. Otherwise, someone can hop on his account and post entries under his name…

Screen capture courtesy of Miss Fipi Lele.

Update: Remember this about Layton’s Twitter account being used by unauthorized people:

Prime Minister Stephen Harper (or his personal assistant) also has a Twitter account, but it sounds like a series of short press releases, which is counter to his current marketing strategy, an attempt to convince the public that he can operate in more modes than “robot”, “bully” and “wanna-be Dubya”:

Although nowhere near as amusing as Jack Chick’s looney-tunes religious tracts, I occasionally like to flip through any stray copy of The Watchtower I come across. Friends and longtime readers of this blog know that I will occasionally poke fun at and even play pranks on people handing out The Watchtower, and it’s partly because of stuff like this:

Watchtower scan courtesy of Miss Fipi Lele.

Here’s the text:

What Will be the “End Afterward?”

Young people are often exposed to temptations and pressures to experiment with things that seem popular. Here are some likely scenarios:

• Someone dares you to smoke a cigarette.
• A well-intentioned teacher urges you to pursue higher education at a university.
• You are invited to a party where alcohol and drugs will be freely available.
• “Why don’t you post your profile on the internet?” someone suggests.
• A friend invites you to watch a movie that features violence or immorality.

If you are ever confronted with any of such situations, what will you do? Will you simply give in, or will you carefully consider what the “end afterward” could be? You would be wise to ask yourself: “Can a man rake together fire in his bosom and yet his very garments not be burned? Or can a man walk upon the coals and his fee themselves not be scorched?” — Proverbs 6:27, 28.

I can see arguments against smoking, parties where drugs and alcohol are freely available and even movies with violence or immorality. I arched my eyebrow at the point about posting a profile on the internet. But what really got me was the bit about the well-intentioned teacher urging you to pursue higher education at a university (which is why I emphasized it in both the picture and the text).

That book-learnin’, it’s the devil’s workshop! It’s a silly belief, but there are all sorts of people out there — and not just religious nuts — who think that higher education is a bad idea, and you see echoes of that sentiment when Republican politicos hit their opponents with the “elitist” label.

Photo by your ‘umble chronicler.

If you ever pass by 174 Spadina Avenue in Accordion City, the building that is home to the b5media office, you’re likely to see people taking a closer look at the vehicle shown above parked nearby.

Photo by your ‘umble chronicler.

It’s a Piaggio MP3 500, a three-wheeled scooter manufactured by the Italian company Piaggio. It belongs to b5’s CEO, Jeremy Wright. He got it as a replacement when his last scooter was written off (a cabbie cut him off, causing him to spill — and then fled the scene). I like to call it his “Big Wheel”, a reference to the children’s toy tricycle.

Photo by your ‘umble chronicler.

Here’s what Wikipedia has to say about the riding experience provided by a Piaggio MP3:

The unique feature about this three wheel vehicle is that it has all the riding traits and handling characteristics of a motorcycle with the added advantage of a third “footprint” that dramatically enhances stability and stopping distance. It is different than a standard three wheel “trike,” which is only similar to a motorcycle in terms of looks and mechanics. With a trike the geometry of the steering and the consequential inability to lean considerably alters the steering technique and the cornering ability. Conversely, the Piaggio MP3 advertises a 40 degree lean angle; greater than most bikes on the street today. Countersteering techniques used in normal motorcycle riding must be employed to fully utilize and control the MP3.

Potholes, road debris, pavement cracks and even road edge “traps” are substantially reduced threats because the third wheel enhances safety through stability. Even problems with inappropriate braking techniques, normally relegated to two wheel motorcycles, are forgiven because of the weight distribution, low center of gravity and extra balance derived from a third wheel. Having a third wheel which adds the third disc brake gives the rider 50% more tire on the road for traction and 50% more braking.

Photo by your ‘umble chronicler.

The scooter is one of those things that straddles the fine line between “cool” and “dorky”. There’s only one other scooter or motorbike that could out-cool and out-dork this one, and that’s Batman’s cycle from The Dark Knight, shown below:

This is something that I’ve had filed under “I should post this someday”: Joousama Monogatari by the Japanese group Joousama, and it’s a medley of the following Queen numbers performed in Japanese:

• Bohemian Rhapsody
• Bicycle Race
• Killer Queen
• Flash Gordon
• We Will Rock You
• Another One Bites the Dust
• A Crazy Little Thing Called Love
• We are the Champions

Luckily for me, someone’s posted a YouTube video featuring Joousama Monogatari as its soundtrack (and a mish-mash of Japanese anime with a friend’s floating head occasionally keyed in). It makes it easy for me to share this strange musical gem where east meets west and things get weird:

It’s a pretty fascinating listen, especially in the spots where they’ve got to cram the extra Japanese syllables to fit a song written for English lyrics (most noticeable in We are the Champions).

If you’d like to hear a high-fidelity version, there’s one posted on eSnips.

Click the picture to see the original on its Flickr page.

Here’s a short story to accompany the illustration above. I found both on Flickr:

Oh geez, McCain wheezed. Have you guys seen this one? She didn’t give back the money. The “Bridge to Nowhere”? We have her doing the “maverick” thing and saying she canceled the bridge project, but she kept the $320 million and just used it for other stuff. How is that “fighting pork-barrel spending”, exactly? McCain paced around their temporary command center, a kindergarten classroom.

His aides fidgeted in their tiny chairs. They tried to explain that it no longer mattered. Their bungled vetting, one embarrassing revelation after another, was no longer their priority.

No longer a priority?! McCain fumed, waving his arms as high as they would go. How are a pattern of actions that are the opposite of our platform, not a priority? How are beliefs that are so outside of the mainstream, even our mainstream, not a priority? Abstinence-only education? How do we sell that as a positive when her own daughter shows how ridiculous it is? Book banning? Since when is banning books part of our platform? [I think the book-banning accusations are wrong; see here for details. — Joey]

The aides looked at each other. The one who drew the short crayon stood. Palin is more popular than you, sir, she said hesitantly. If you haven’t noticed, we kept her with you on the campaign trail all week, instead of letting her go solo. That’s because no one was showing up to your events. And thousands were asking about hers. There’s uh, there’s talk about flipping the ticket.

Flipping the what? McCain asked. How is that.. what?

Yes sir, the aide continued. Turns out, she’s very cutthroat and crazy ambitious. She’s been talking to senior party people, making her case. She feels her newfound popularity would give the party a better chance at winning, and that you’re just bringing the campaign down. And they’re listening. Apparently there’s some old rule that can be invoked.

Speechless, McCain sank down into his very tiny chair, and felt very old.

Perhaps it’s my 2008-era taste (or lack thereof), but I think that in all cases but the last one, the “befores” in the Brylcreem ad below look better. What do you think?