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Accordion Guy Advent Calendar, Day Thirteen: Translation, Please!

Can you read Japanese? If so, could you please take a look at this site

(from which the pictures below were taken) and let me know if that

bum-clenched-from-being-creeped-out feeling I’m having is justified?

Thanks.

The cloth over the sleeping person’s face is soaked in

ether, which allows Santa to leave behind his present: a box that

blocks the light from the person’s anti-Seasonal Affective Disorder lamp.

Put that other arm where we can see it, Claus!

Santa is either improving on the Tooth Fairy’s methods or prepearing to smother this poor young woman.

We’re not quite clear on the concept of “stocking stuffing” here.

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Get Well Soon, Ross!

It’s been a bit quiet around the office lately, and that’s because Boss Ross has had some downtime due to some skull-crushing migraines. Get well soon, dude!

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Accordion Guy Advent Calendar, Day Nine: Thousands of Weird Images from the "Universe People"

Photo: Figurine of Santa playing the accordion.

If you’re looking for new background images for your computer desktop,

need to spice up your dorm room or cubicle with wacky posters or are

looking for off-the-wall Christmas or Chanukah gift wrapping paper, the

Universe People website is a gold mine waiting to be tapped!

The Universe People site opens with something that I’ve heard only at

the Apple Store and that International House of Pancakes in San

Francisco’s SOMA district with the overly-cheeful staff: “WE LOVE YOU

AND HELP YOU OUT”. They warn you that “They” — meaning governments and

big business — “want to replace your spiritual heart by calculator!”

As far as I can tell, the Universe People are a wacky UFO-meets-Jesus

cult based in the Czech Republic. The text of the site, a mishmash of

Heaven’s Gate-ish sci-fi religion written in poorly-translated English,

makes hours for unintentionally hilarious reading. However, the site’s

true gem is its collection of images, of which there are thousands. For

example, take a gander at this image of Jesus in a style approaching

that of Maragret Keane’s “sad-eyed children” paintings:

Better still is this diagram of “Transcendental Action of Helpful

Energies from Heaven and Hell on the Planet Earth”, shown below. You

can click the image to see it at full size.

Click the image to see it at full size.

I really love that “Informatic-Analyst” bit at the bottom

(“informatics” is a term often used outside North America to refer to

what we call “computer science”). Let’s take a closer look:

Click the image to see it at full size.

You know, that looks like a lot of dot-com business models.

Thousands of other equally-strange images are available for

download from their images site. Be sure to browse this freaky gallery

where you can find this painting, which makes me want to go buy a van

right now so I can have it airbrushed just like so:

Damn, I wish I could’ve used that image for our wedding invitations!

Being a UFO-Jesus cult, they have no shortage of pictures of flying saucers:

or ships that look just like the “whalesong” vessel from Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home:

The Universe People’s site should give you lots of fun browsing during

the downtime of the Christmas season. Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah,

and KLAATU BARATO NIKTO!

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Last Day to Vote

Graphic: 2005 Canadian Blog Awards button. Today is the last day to vote for “Best Blog” in the 2005 Canadian Blog Awards — at midnight tonight, the polls will close. Please cast your vote for Accordion Guy!

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Heh. I’m "Sensible and Shrewd". Mom would be proud.

From Lesson X — “Races of Man” — of Mrs. M.B. Moore’s book, The Geographical Reader for the Dixie Children:

The men who inhabit the globe, are not all alike. Those in Europe and

America are mostly white and are called the Caucasian race. This race is civilized, and

is far above the others. They have schools and churches and live in fine style. They

also generally have wise and good men for rulers, and a regular form of government. The

women are treated with respect and tenderness, and in many cases their wish is law among

their male friends.

There is a class of people who inhabit most of Asia which is of a yellow color. They

are a quiet, plodding race, but when educated are sensible and shrewd. They

have some books, and a regular form of government, but they are heathen; I mean

by this that they worship images made of wood and stone. They do not know about

Jesus. And yet they pray to those idols much oftener than we christians do to our

Savior. This race is called the Mongolion. Missionaries have

been sent to teach them

about Jesus. When they every become converted, they hold fast their profession, and

are not fickle like some races.

The African or negro race is found in Africa. They are slothful and vicious, but

possess little cunning. They are very cruel to each other, and when they have want they

sell their prisoners to the white people for slaves. They know nothing of Jesus, and the

climate in Africa is so unhealthy that white men can scarcely go there to preach to them.

The slaves who are found in America are in much better condition. They are better fed,

better clothed, and better instructed than in their native country.

I must say, it reads rather like Steve Sailer’s site in places.

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Please Vote for Accordion Guy!

Graphic: 2005 Canadian Blog Awards button. Something like a mere ten votes separates the two contenders for “Best Blog” in the 2005 Canadian Blog Awards.

Remember, you can vote once per day per IP address (roughly speaking,

once per day per computer), so please cast your vote for Accordion Guy! The voting will end midnight tomorrow.

(And yes, I’ll post that hot tub story soon. It’s been busy here.)

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Top 10 Sources

Top 10 Sources is just that — a collector of the top ten sources of

news and articles on dozen of categories. Need to keep up with news and

commentary on wine? Editor Robert Rogoyski has compiled a top 10 list

of news feeds that should satisfy your oenophilia. Is hip hop more your thang? Try Olivia Ma’s top 10 list.

Top 10 Sources’ lists of feeds cover dozens of topics, each one

compiled by an editor who provides enlightening commentary along with

the list. Think of Top 10 sources as a news aggregator with an

editiorial board, providing content and context.

Top 10 Sources is the creation of John Palfrey and Jim Moore,

both of whom I’ve had the pleasure of meeting through Harvard’s Berkman

Center for Internet and Society (the project itself is independent of

Berkman, although a number of Berkman people are involved). I’ll let

John do the talking:

“Top 10 Sources is about adding a human element to searching and

sorting through the increasingly great syndicated content on the Web,”

said John Palfrey, founder and publisher of Top 10 Sources. “Much like

Yahoo! brought a hierarchy to the early days of the commercial

Internet with its browser, Top 10 Sources organizes information in

blogs, podcasts, wikis, photoblogs and other sources into ‘reading

lists.’ The goal is to foster an active conversation among readers,

authors and editors that is about, and results in, great online

content with context.”

Along with a regular roster of editors — one of whom is my wife — are special guest editors Dan Bricklin providing a top 10 list on podcasting and Irina Slutsky, who’s got two lists: one on geekstars (which I’m not on; an oversight, I’m sure) and one on digital identity.

Among my many hot husbandly duties is mentioning that my wife Wendy has four top 10 lists: December holidays, knitting, women’s health and one near and dear to her heart — weddings.

Each top 10 list in Top 10 Sources provides an RSS feed and an OPML

feed so that you can point your aggregator to them for hot

aggregator-on-aggregator super newsgathering action.