Categories
It Happened to Me

"Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?" (or: Lost story from my birthday party, number two)

Have you ever wondered how hard it is to ask “Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?” from inside a limo?

(For our non-North American readers: this is a gag based on a famous series of television ads in which a distinguished man with a vague British accent in a Bentley rolls down his window and asks passers-by by if they have a particular brand of dijon mustard.)

For our pal Chetan, it’s very, very, very hard.

(Chetan’s the creator of the comic character Tic Toc Tom, a character so cool that he’s open to all sorts of interpretations by different writers and artists. Tic Toc Tom is the predecessor of Jenny Everywhere, right down to the goggles.)

Two days before my birthday party, for her friend Kerry-Ann’s birthday, Sam rented a limo into which Paul B., Paul M., Chetan, Kerry-Ann, she and I piled into for a rye-and-coke-soaked city cruise, followed by a nice steak dinner at the Keg Mansion. While driving about the city, we got the goofy (and probably alcohol-induced) idea that one of us should try the “Grey Poupon” gag. Chetan, being near the window facing the sidewalk, was assigned. The following QuickTime video clips document what happened.

Categories
It Happened to Me

First blood (or: Lost story from my birthday party, number one)

It’s happened on each of my three birthday parties, and always in my kitchen: a committed, attached or unavailable-in-some-way-or-another young woman accosts me against the fridge with a passionate kiss in front of a witness.

This is the story of the last one.

Her: You handled those cops so well!

Me: It’s just negotiation, that’s all.

Her: I would’ve been screaming at them, telling them to fuck off and probably get arrested.

Me: The trick is not to do that, see?

Her: Well, you deserve a drink. Shot of Jagermeister?

Me: Please.

She pours two shots. She drinks one, and pours the other down her cleavage.

Her (stage whisper): Drink.

Me: Uh…er…well, okay.

Soon afterwards, Sam walks into the kitchen, sees what’s going on, but can’t resist watching.

Her: You’re so cute.

Me (thinking): You’re damned right.

She leans into to deliver a long lingering kiss, which includes a very sharp bite to my lower lip. She then leaves to catch up with her boyfriend.

Sam: Wow! You’re a machine, man!

Me: Ow.

My lower lip is really smarting, and I place my index finger on the sore spot. There’s a drop of blood.

Me: Ooh. Sort of like my last girlfriend. No, wait — the second last one.

Sam: That’s just freaky!

Me: Strangely enough, I’m really turned on right now.

Categories
Accordion, Instrument of the Gods It Happened to Me

"For the Love of Breasts": a first pass

I’ve uploaded the photos from the For the Love of Breasts gala held Saturday night. There’s no story attached just yet, but you might be able to ratiocinate it in the meantime. The story and video will appear later.

Photo: Joey deVilla lets yet another dazzled woman try the accordion on.

Yes, I swear the picture shown above is a candid shot.

Categories
Accordion, Instrument of the Gods It Happened to Me

I’ve been busy…

…but let me assure you, it’s been for good reasons, and some of them are even bloggable!

Halley Suitt says that most of us bloggers are actually at home Saturday night. Not this blogger, who took his brand-new accordion out for a spin at the For the Love of Breasts gala that evening…

Photo: Joey deVilla showing a lovely young lady how to play the accordion at the 'For the Love of Breasts' gala.

Have I mentioned how much I love this instrument?

Details forthcoming.

Categories
It Happened to Me

Even more birthday party pictures

Andy has been so kind to provide me with even more photos from the party. Thanks, Andy! Click any of the photos to get taken to the new photo album, or point your browser at http://accordionguy.blogware.com/blog/Life/Happened/Thirtysexy3.

Content warning: A couple of shots might not be safe for work, depending on your workplace. There’s a cleavage shot, and one consensual fully-clothed-breast-grab among three women. Given my readers, displaying this warning is like covering the picnic grounds with honey to keep the ants away.

It has tongue artistry that would make KISS’ Gene Simmons green with envy!

It has cute girls displaying pouty insouciance!

And, of course, it has even more hot tub pictures!

Categories
It Happened to Me

And you thought it was windy *outside*!

Updated Thursday, November 13th 2003 at 14:51 EST: The original title was The Return Salvo, but then I thought up a cleverer one.

Kathy “Relapsed Catholic” Shaidle has a hilarious response to my “J. Jonah Jameson” post which in turn was in response to her “What ash-heap of history?” post.

My favourite line:

Anyway: I can now retire from blogging,having been called ‘over the top’ by a guy who sticks giant illegal hot tubs on wheels in his yard.

C’mon. Kathy, you were invited. David, tell her how much fun you had at the party.

Because of that “illegal hot tub”, I effectively employed a ne’er-do-well from Mississauga (without this hot tub business, I’m sure HotTubMobile Neil would be robbing gas stations in Bramalea), a couple of guys at the Upper Canada Brewery, a handful of people at Loblaws, the entire second shift at the Frito-Lay Coporation, Ontario Power Generation, the people who extract and bottle Natural Gas, two police officers, and maybe — I will neither confirm nor deny this — some employee at Zig Zag Inc. I made people happy and I contributed to the economy; what could be more conservative than that? If hot tubs are wrong, I don’t wanna be right!

Thanks, Kathy, and I’ll cobble together a worthy response later, once I’ve gotten some work done.

Categories
It Happened to Me

Photos from last night’s WiFi Meetup

Last night’s WiFi meetup at SpaHa was pretty cool, and Boss Ross got some photos too!

The venue, SpaHa, is two-storey restaurant and lounge that located in the most unlikely-semming place: inside the new graduate residence at the University of Toronto. It’s far too stylish and comfortable to be a campus pub, and the food and drinks are pretty good. They had Stella Artois on tap, and they made a pretty decent burger.

Their WiFi was provided by Spotnik. I didn’t have a Spotnik account, and Spotnik Girl, Accordion City’s local Spotnik marketing person wasn’t around to hand out those free cards that entitled you to one hour of free Spotnik WiFi. I didn’t have any pressing need to get online anyway, as the company was so good.

In attendance were:

We discussed a lot of tech, but managed to get some WiFi talk in too, thanks to Brent Ashley, who reigned supreme with the cool gadgets. He showed us his Zaurus, which had a WiFi card plugged into its PCMCIA adapter, which hangs from a hinge, sort of like the cover to Captain Kirk’s communicator on the old Star Trek. The Zaurus runs Linux, and he had a VNC window showing his home machine’s screen, as well as several terminal windows, one of which was running good old Midnight Commander. His laptop also had WiFi by way of a USB WiFi box not much larger than a box of matches. He got it for CDN$35.

I’d like to send an extra-special thanks to Brent for the birthday present he got me: a “Tank Fighter + Brick Game” handheld toy, which “plays 9999 games”. It would appear that it actually plays ten games, most of which have 100 skill levels (one must have shortchanged, having only 99). However, it does play a very challenging game of Tetris and costs a mere CDN$3. We wondered what kind of processor it held, and how much it would’ve cost back in the good old days when Brent was working at my favourite Queen Street hangout back then, Arkon Electronics, when the RCA 1802 microprocessor sold for a hundred or so dollars. You can see photos of the handheld game at Ross’ blog.