Every year, we get closer to having a TV show like The Running Man. The latest sign in this progression is Ultimate Tazer Ball, which looks like a sport that the guys behind Jackass would’ve dreamed up: rugby (itself supposedly a game born in a moment of frustration) with a medicine ball…and tasers! Add uniforms with electroluminescent wire – to remind you that there’s actual electricity in this game – and you’ve got something that I might just have to see live…at least once.
As you might expect, UTB’s real draw is the addition of tasers. In a moment of Buddha-like insight, player Jason Bornstein says in the promo video (see above), “It hurts, man. It doesn’t feel good. It’s why the cops use ‘em.”
Best of all, Accordion City has a team! It’s the Toronto Terror, and the logo is cleverly to designed to remind you of the fact that this team plays with live current. The other teams in the league are the San Diego Spartans, the L.A. Nightlight and, in what must be an homage to the Springfield Isotopes, the Philly Killawatts, all of whom use some kind of jagged lines in their logos to say “Electricity! Dude! TASERS!”
Monster trucks and mixed martial arts no longer bring me the inner peace and joy they once did; perhaps Ultimate Tazer Ball will. When they schedule the first match in Toronto, I’m definitely going! Who’s with me?