Tampa Travel Diary 6: Shopping

My camera has been slowly dying since it flew out of my pocket and crashed on the asphalt after my spectacular crash on my first midnight bike ride last summer. Luckily, suburban Tampa is jam-packed with big box stores that were offered the exact same model (Canon Powershot Elph 300HS, the little camera that could) at dirt-cheap prices. While looking about the stores, I snapped photos of products on the shelves that amused me.

Box of Easyfeet foot brushes: "No more bending to clean your feet! Cleans, exfoliates and massages!"

“No more bending to clean your feet,” the package promises. And to think, all this time, I’ve been bending over like a chump. If I ever end up in prison, I’m definitely going to order these.

Package for Forever Lazy "Soft fleece lounge wear": "Get toasty warm from head to toe! Read a book - watch TV - do nothing at all!"

If you’ve always wanted a Snuggie but didn’t like the way they make you look like a member of a religious cult, Forever Lazy is for you. Instead of a robe, it’s oversized pajamas that come with matching slipper socks. Like the Snuggie, it has a hood to keep your head warm; unlike the Snuggie, it features a zippered back hatch so you don’t have to choose between staying cosy and pooping.

Hello Kitty microwave oven - selling for $69.99

There’s nothing that can’t be given the Hello Kitty treatment.

Box containing one bottle of Jack Daniels and one bottle of Coca-Cola

Here’s something that you can get in Florida that I haven’t seen in Ontario: booze and mix, in one package, ready to pick up with you and take to the party. The Jack and Coke combo is a classic…

Can containing premixed Jack and Coke

…although Jack and Coke in a can may be taking it a bit far. After all, the recipe is so simple that the name of the drink is the recipe.

Box containing one bottle of Jameson and one bottle of Canada Dry ginger ale

“Rye and ginger” is a common cocktail in Canada, but I confess I’ve never thought of mixing Jameson – a whiskey, so it’s related to rye – with anything.

Bottle of Pinnacle cake-flavoured vodka

Over in a section of the store that I’m surprised wasn’t marked with a giant sign that read “GIRL DRINKS” was a giant shelf of Pinnacle vodka. I’d never heard of this brand before; it seems specifically for people who like drinks with names like “Chocolate Choo-Choo”.

As you can see in the photo above, they have cake-flavoured vodka. By “cake”, I assume they mean that it tastes like “yellow cake”, like Cold Stone Creamery’s “cake batter” or Marble Slab’s “birthday cake” ice cream flavours.

Bottle of Pinnacle whipped cream-flavoured vodka

There’s also a whipped cream-flavoured vodka, whose silliness can only be topped by…

Bottle of Pinnacle chocolate whipped cream-flavoured vodka

chocolate whipped cream-flavoured vodka.

I think that there’s no better way to close this article than with the Kids in the Hall skit titled Girl Drink Drunk:

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