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The Protocols of the Drunk Drivers of Malibu, Part 1

Mel Gibson, looking his Saddam-iest.
An actual photo of Mel Gibson, who now resembles Saddam Hussein physically and not just in terms of anti-Semitism, taken during an interview in Mexico.

Another chapter got added to Mel Gibson’s downward slide from indie film hero to real-life Eric Cartman with an uncanny resemblance to Saddam Hussein on Thursday. He was arrested while on the Pacific Coast Highway, where he was doing 87 m.p.h. in a 45 m.p.h. zone and soon discovered to also be doing 0.12% blood alcohol content in a 0.08% zone. The ensuing arrest went from bad — Gibson’s lamenting “My life is fucked” — to worse, with Gibson attempting to bolt back to his car and then threatening to end an arresting officer’s career. It went from worse to cartoonish, with his confronting a femal police officer with “What are you looking at, sugar tits?” to asking an officer if he was Jewish and uttering the now-infamous line: “asked the officer if he was Jewish and stated that “fucking Jews…The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world.”

Photo of Saddam Hussein's 'We Got Him!' arrest with Mel Gibson's face Photoshopped in.
Photo borrowed from Mel’s Musings.

Mel’s drunken rants are a radical departure from what he said in an interview with the Daily Variety in 2003:

“If the intense scrutiny during my 25 years in public life revealed I had ever persecuted or discriminated against anyone based on race or creed, I would be all too willing to make amends. But there is no such record.

“Nor do I hate anybody — certainly not the Jews…They are my friends and associates, both in my work and social life. Thankfully, treasured friendships forged over decades are not easily shaken by nasty innuendo.

“Anti-Semitism is not only contrary to my personal beliefs, it is also contrary to the core message of my movie…For those concerned about the content of this film, know that it conforms to the narratives of Christ’s passion and death found in the four Gospels of the New Testament…This is a movie about faith, hope, love and forgiveness — something sorely needed in these turbulent times.”

There’s been a lot of hand-wringing over Mel’s statements, with some people commenting on various internet forums that he shouldn’t be held accountable for what he said since he was drunk. Perhaps these people don’t get out much, or perhaps they haven’t heard the old Latin maxim: In vino veritas. News flash, people: There’s a reason that some of us who’ve worked in the bar-and-tavern trade refer to Mike’s Hard Lemonade as “sodium pentathol“. Nothing “opens the vault” like a little booze, especially when you don’t have a publicist, handler or even a friend with good judgement there to tell you to zip it.

It’s another case of the South Park guys being on the money (see the episode titled The Passion of the Jew, in which Mel Gibson is portrayed as completely bonkers with masochist tendencies). It’s tough to be a satirist these days when the real world keeps trumping you.

Mel Gibson in the 'South Park' episode titled 'The Passion of the Jew'.
A scene from the South Park episode, The Passion of the Jew. Click the image to see the scene on YouTube.

Next: Mel’s Dad, his apology and how the South Park guys were right on not one, but two counts.

3 replies on “The Protocols of the Drunk Drivers of Malibu, Part 1”

I liked that “sodium pentathol” crack tho I never drink Mikes Hard Lemonade ,strictly beer . In beer there is good cheer

It’s called “sodium pentathol” because it’s 7% alcohol (the same potency as strong beer; nearly double the strength of regular American beer) and it goes down like pop.

Oh, the number of secrets to which I am privy because of Mike’s Hard Lemonade…

After five days are careful deliberation — and review by publicists and lawyers for sure — Mel issues statement, trying to make peace with the Jewish community.

I guess that means calling a woman “sugar tits” is okay.

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