Bacontarian: Diggin’ on Swine!

Okay, vegetarians: you’re going to want to skip this post. We have some

Real Man (and Real Woman) stuff we’re talking about and I don’t want

you getting all woozy or getting your foo-foo all over me. Maybe you

could go rub tofu blocks all over yourself, follow it with a good cry

and then write some unbearable poetry-accompanied-by-acoustic-guitar


Are the hippies gone? Good.

Let’s talk about pork.

Better yet, let’s first look

at pork. Pictured below is the area just outside the kitchen at my

grandmother’s house in the town of San Juan, located in the province of

Batangas, Philippines. On the table is a lechon, which is a whole roast sucking pig, served with a crispy rind and sweet and sour liver dipping sauce on the side.

Photo: Lechon being served at my grandmother's house in San Juan, Batangas, Philippines.

In Balayan, another town in Batangas province, there’s the “Parada ng mga lechon“, which is basically a giant roast pig parade: people carry the spits of roasted pig around town and eat them afterwards.

Lechon is so beloved by Filipino people that we’ve even made hipster clothing about it! Check this out:

Photo: 'Lechon' baseball shirt.

Oh, dude, I am soooo getting one of those.

Graphic: Title graphic for Klingon advice columnist K'plett.

In Robert Asprin’s sci-fi humour novel Phule’s Company, the pork-lovin’

Filipinos were renowned as the best cooks and fighters on old Earth. In

the Star Trek universe, Klingon cuisine is catching on, and we all know

that they’re the ass-kickers of the Alpha Quadrant. On the Star Trek

site, you’ll find an advice column written by K’Plett, a Klingon who

until recently worked at the Klingon Embassy. He’s also a big fan of

pork. Here’s his last entry:

…allow me to express my unending gratitude to your planet for

introducing me to bacon. O, meaty ambrosia, I worship at the alter of

your salty tastiness! I have acquired replicator recipes for bacon, and

I have also arranged for fresh bacon to be delivered to the homeworld

several times a year. It has been suggested that upon my retirement, I

should open up a bacon restaurant back home, and I am considering it,

although others have noted that such an arrangement would be akin to an

alcoholic opening up a liquor store.

As the Klingons would say: Qa’pla!

My friends who keep kosher (or halal or ital) may think that they can’t enjoy the goodness that is pork, but remember: Chinese food is safe treyf!

All of the above, however, is merely porcine preamble for the main point of this posting: allow me to direct you to, the blog for bacontarians (people who supplement “an otherwise normal diet with large amounts of pork”). Ethan “GeekCorps” Zuckerman — who happens to be the husband of one of the officiants of our wedding — is a contributor and bacontarian.

(Somebody should let Anthony at The Meatriarchy know about this site.)

Give the site a look-see and then: pig out!

6 replies on “Bacontarian: Diggin’ on Swine!”

Oh, -man-, that photo of your grandmother’s house brought back so many memories. When I was a kid, my folks’d get a pig every year. We’d keep it and feed it, etc. for a week, and then that Friday, my family’s friends would come up from Boston (and everywhere else, it seemed,) and we’d have a lechon party that would last until the wee hours of Sunday morning. I only made the foolish kid mistake of naming the pig -once-. Didn’t stop me from eating it, though. To this day, some of my fondest memories are of sitting by the fire pit late, late at night, listening to my lolo play his guitar and sing beautiful, sad love songs, while people took turns turning the spit.

–Kim (Mizzkyttie)

I’m pretty sure it’s a tradition with Spanish roots. My family has made lechon parties since I can remember. Lechon is also very well regarded in Mexico, and the carnitas evolved from it also (they’re delicious, there are maybe 2 places in Toronto where you can find them). Also, when I went to Spain we ate a delicious Lechon there.

You know, it’s nice to know that someone else has shared the Phule’s Company experience. It’s kind of a guilty pleasure–little redeeming value, but entertaining. Junk food for the soul, I guess. I’m suprised you could pull that memory out, though–I don’t remember much at all about them (except I liked the butler).

Oddly enough, the one phrase I remember most from all my sci-fi reading history of pilfering my dad’s old books is, “Bones shrugged, a curiously fluid motion.” I actually read it again a few years ago and had a chill go down my spine as I remembered. Just a weird meme or something.

I’m now feeling a strange blend of amusement and chagrin at the fact that I’ve read four out of the five books in the “Phule” series. The cook, Escrima, reminds me of my grandfather in more than a few ways. 🙂

–Kim (Mizzkyttie)

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