This came to me from one Timothy Dewey Dewey. It is republished here with his permission:

Dear King of Kings,

I have weild the evil synth axe of the Roland ax-1 and sold myself to the demons of hades (kinda like how Arthas sold he’s people out when he took the blade of frostmourne out even though he didn’t really need it.). My skin has grown a greyish color due to the evil powers of the axe! (or from the fact I live in my mother’s basement). I knew I had power within my hands but then I realized something, I have no idea how to play a keyboard or a Midi-controller for that matter. Ive been to your site for ages and ages (which is about 10 mins or so, I really dont remember because my mother was yelling at me to dust the cat and milk the pigs) and discovered that even though you are now a follower of the light, you once followed the wicked ways of the keytar. Clearly after reading one paragraph of your site, I am ready to call you my sensi and wish if you could offer me guidance of playing a keytar with links of how to play one and advice from your own experience, or if you cant offer me any of those, just send me a link to the goatse instead. I’m sorry but I have to log off now because my computer (which is made of wood and uses the Jeff-k version 40 system) is about to go offline due to the chickens that power it by running are dead.

Ta Ta.

Thanks, Timothy, and get well soon!

Absolutely not-recommended-at-all reading

What is the “goatse” that he refers to near the end of the email? It’s the infamous site, home of a picture that first became famous through Slashdot.

You really don’t want to see it.

But your curiosity is now piqued.

It is not safe for work. In fact, it’s not safe for anything, really. You life will be no poorer for your not having seen it.

The subject matter of the photo is vile. The human anus was never meant for such things.

Please note that you have been warned.

Here it is.

Aren’t you sorry you clicked that link?

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