“Something there is that doesn’t love a wall…”

…but that something is not a Scandinavian woman named Eija-Riitta Eklöf-Berliner-Mauer. For those of you who don’t see the significance of her surname (or perhaps mistook it for the catalog name of an IKEA buffet table), her surname is a hyphenation of her family name, Eklöf, and Berliner-Mauer, the Berlin Wall. She added its name to hers because the Wall is her, um, husband.

It’s all here in her website, The Berlin Wall – The Best and Sexiest Wall ever existed!!!

Eija-Riitta Eklöf-Berliner-Mauer and her husband, the Berlin Wall.
The Berlin Walls. Look at the way she’s groping him — in public, no less!

From her site:

The purpose of the construction is completely irrelevant in this context. For example, the Berlin Wall symbolizes communism to many people, but not to me. I have no interest in politics. The Berlin Wall is my husband; its as simple as that…

…My attraction to The Berlin Wall and other constructions is BOTH emotional AND sexual. I love them as beings (I deliberately use this word here), I enjoy their company… and I am turned on sexually by The Berlin Wall…

…My sexual feelings towards them are very intense. My feelings towards The Berlin Wall are far more deep than most people think.

As you might well imagine, Mrs. Eklöf-Berliner-Mauer considers November 9th, 1989 to be a tragic day. Luckily for her, she knows that time is a dimension and in a twenty-eight-year sliver of the timeline, her husband still exists. Unfortunately, despite what some people may believe, we’re stuck with being dragged forward throught the timeline, one second at a time. Until time travel is possible, she’s done the next best thing:

I have fixed my mind within the period 1961 – 1988. That is the time when my husband existed and (for me) still exists in his full glory. I have done this by erasing most of my memories outside that period, enabling me to co-exist with my husband in those happy times.

Don’t feel sad for her because she’s stuck in 1988. She gets to enjoy George Michael’s Faith and Billy Ocean’s Get Out of My Dreams, Get Into My Car as brand new songs forever!

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