The Adventures of Accordion Guy in the 21st Century

Click the photo to see the source.

Homonyms: a closed captioner’s worst enemy.

I suppose that this is a good time to include this Kids in the Hall clip…

…as well as this one (watch it until the end):

In case you missed part one, here it is.

My friend James walked past a branch of the Royal Bank today (and yes, I’ve been a customer of theirs since 1987) and saw this through one of the windows of their ground floor street-facing meeting rooms:

The text of the whiteboard reads:

RRSP Loans

1) Rebuttle [sic] from last week’s objections

a) I don’t have enough money right now

b) I need to speak to my accountant first

How do we overcome this?

It’s a reminder that you have to be careful about what you leave visible in ground-level offices with windows facing the street. I don’t think we know enough about the context of the meeting during which this was written on the whiteboard, but it’s worth noting that:

• The way it’s phrased — and once again, there isn’t enough context to know the intent — it appears as though the bank is trying to find a way to quash the very sensible objection of wanting to talk to one’s accountant before taking on a loan. An RRSP is one of the better financial tools available to just about every Canadian — a saving vehicle and a tax shelter — but it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t talk to your accountant first. My suggestion would be to encourage customers to talk to their financial advisors, but also provide some kind of incentive to come back and apply for a loan after they’ve done so.
• They should turn sensitive material that could potentially make them look like dicks away from the window.
• Considering that even the entry-level jobs at banks require a university or college degree, it’s sad that there’s someone there who thinks that “rebuttle” is the correct spelling.

Click to see the post at full size.

Here’s a post that appeared in my Facebook feed quite recently. Still. Laughing. Hard.

As I keep saying: there’s a suitable Family Guy picture for every Rob Ford story.

So it’s come to this: the headline in a Toronto Sun story reads Mayor Rob Ford defends Justin Bieber.

In an interview with the DC-area sports radio show The Sports Junkies, Ford defended the pop star, who’s charged with assault. “You know what, he’s a young guy. At 19 years old I wish I was as successful as he was. He’s 19 years old guys, think back to when you were 19, you know.” It’s a mix of “Boys will be boys” and “Hey, he’s rich, and above the law!”

Bieber is also facing charges of driving while drunk and high in Miami, which is something that Ford can sympathize with.

Also stepping up to Bieber’s defence is his lawyer Seth Weinstein. Seth, in a not-too-unexpected twist, is also the lawyer for Sandro Lisi, one of Rob Ford’s skeevy still-living-wth-parents friends, and Rob’s suspicious-package- exchanging buddy, and sometimes driver.

And now, some news about our Mayor, Rob Ford…

Jailhouse Rob

More evidence for my theory that there’s a Family Guy image for every Rob Ford story.

Here are the first two paragraphs from yesterday’s story in the Globe and Mail:

Jailhouse beating meant to keep Rob Ford’s secrets, lawsuit alleges

Several prisoners shattered the teeth and broke the leg of Rob Ford’s estranged brother-in-law in a jailhouse beating that was intended to keep him quiet about the Toronto mayor’s abuse of alcohol and illegal drugs, it has been alleged in a lawsuit.

The 2012 jailhouse assault of Scott MacIntyre was orchestrated by Aedan Petros, Mr. MacIntyre has alleged in a statement of claim. Mr. Petros is a 300-pound, violent criminal who played defensive tackle for Mr. Ford when he was the coach of the football team at Don Bosco Catholic Secondary School.

Of course, Ford Nation will insist that what a man does in his private time is his own business. After all, who among us hasn’t ordered a prison beat-down at least once in our lives? This man’s saving the city a billion dollars!

Rob Ford’s Etobicoke

Toronto Life takes us on a tour of Rob Ford’s Etobicoke — the “k” is silent — and much of it is the same Etobicoke I grew up in. As a kid, I biked past the house where he grew up and the gas station where he did shady exchanges all the time. It’s all in their piece, A Tour of Ford Country: the 13 notable places that gave rise to our divisive, duplicitous mayor.

Rob Ford’s George Constanza Play

Matthew Coutts writes: “Rob Ford is apparently familiar with an approach made famous by George Costanza on Seinfeld: Keep showing up places and sooner or later people will become resigned to your presence.”

Ford was originally invited to a Toronto Region Board of Trade dinner, but in light of all the scandals, was un-invited by phone. Ford, unapparently unaware of his change in status, showed up anyway, and was given a last-minute seat near the back of the room. Uncharacteristically, he didn’t stay for the actual meal, as Board of Trade President and CEO Carol Wilding made indirect but obvious references to Ford in a speech about a need for new Toronto leadership, the city’s tarnished image, and calling for the Board of Trade members to forget about the distractions — he scooted, sensing that he was unwelcome. If only we can do this on a city-wide basis.

Church bullies and why Rob Ford won’t go quietly

After all the scandals, the news reports, the late-night TV mockery, the calls to resign, why doesn’t Rob Ford step down? Because he likes where he is now. In fact, the reason it’s nice to be Rob Ford is the same reason it’s good to be the church bully: it’s the easiest way to get your way, you can use your own anxieties against others and people’s anxieties against them, you can play the victim when caught, and the stakes are so low for you and high for others. The Millennial Pastor sums it up nicely in his article, 12 Reasons Why it is Good to be a Church Bully.

Role-playing game historian Jon Peterson, who wrote Playing at the World and has a blog with the same name, gave an interesting History of D&D in 12 objects. Modelled after Neil MacGregor’s book, A History of the World in 100 Treasures, Peterson tells the story of the people and events who led up to Dungeons and Dragons by telling us the story of twelve obscure objects. It’s 12 minutes and 4 seconds of nerd-a-licious historical viewing, and perfect for celebrating the 40th anniversary of Dungeons and Dragons.