Photo by “jsinfrankenstein”. Click to see the source.
Thank you for being a millennia-old Force-sensitive space pirate bar-owning friend.
Thanks to Alistair Morton for the find!
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It’s the first full week of the new year, and many gyms — including the one I go to — are experiencing the annual New Year’s Resolutions Crowd that come air this time. Since I work from home, I go in the middle of the day when things are quiet, but even then, the gym’s been a little busier than usual. I’d hate to see what it’s like after 5:30 for the next few weeks.
Cracked’s new video in their “Honest Ads” series, If Gyms Were Honest, makes a few good points about gyms, and especially gym marketing. However, their assertion that you can get fit anywhere isn’t practical for everyone for many reasons including limited space at home, not wanting to clutter your place with weights and equipment, the benefits of classes when their costs are included in your gym membership fees, and having a place to exercise when the weather makes outdoor exercise impractical. Still, it’s an amusing video that tells the truth about gym marketing and fees:
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The joys of cycling in Florida
Here’s a cyclist’s point-of-view video in which he complains about a log that someone left in the middle of the bike path and suddenly realizes that it’s not a log:
The best part of the video isn’t his surprise, but the very Floridian response that follows: “Whatever.” You get used to them after a while.
(I also love his voice. He sounds like Cleveland from Family Guy.)
Buzzfeed’s Signs You Grew Up in Florida video
I didn’t grow up here, but this video seems pretty spot-on. Especially the bit about the subs at Publix.
Post-holiday Florida discounts
I found this Sunshine State-shaped serving tray on New Year’s Day at my local Fresh Market. It’s perfect for serving all sorts of things for which Florida is famous, from orange juice to key lime pie bites to sexy retirements to terrible life choices.
Santa’s got a nice list, a naughty list, and for Florida, a WTF list. If you’re one of those people who likes to stockpile cheap Christmas gifts really early, you can find this book at Publix.
Florida Man/Woman
Niceville, Florida is the home of the Boggy Bayou Mullet Festival (that’s “mullet” as in the fish, not the hairstyle). It’s also the home of a man with an outstanding warrant, who was pulled over by a police officer for a windshield crack in his field of vision. The guy gave the officer a fake name, but that fake name belonged to someone with a suspended driver’s license for a DUI and who was also wanted for aggravated battery.
Three Pensacola offices are boarded up after being rammed by a Dodge Challenger driven by a man attempting to time travel. Remember, people: it’s not just hitting 88 miles an hour that does it; you also need the proper equipment.
“A West Palm Beach teen peed on his neighbor’s car door handle, then hid in the bushes waiting for the neighbor to touch the door, West Palm Beach police report.”
Not actual photo from the story, but an actual still from a YouTube video on the topic.
Maybe I’ll just quote the article: “A Florida plumber caught drunkenly boating through a manatee zone pooped in the water and threw his marijuana overboard when a deputy tried to arrest him, deputies said… As the officer began to climb aboard Bates’ vessel to arrest him, Bates defecated over the side of the ship, deputies said.”
Dude, this is why online shopping exists: A Vero beach man attempted to shoplift a butt plug and a “stroker can” from a Spencer’s store because he was “too embarrassed” to walk up to the cashier and pay for them. A moment’s temporary shame with a cashier who’ll forget about you five minutes later is nothing compared to a permanent police record and an article on The Smoking Gun.
In this particular case, Obi-Wan has the high ground beef.
I always bring my accordion to whatever New Year’s Eve party I’m attending, which means I always end up playing my first song of the year very soon after midnight.
At one point in our host Tom’s rousing, rambling, and raunchy “Welcome 2016” speech, there came the perfect opportunity for an appropriate song: Holiday in Cambodia by the Dead Kennedys. One of the partygoers managed to capture a few seconds of my performance, but it should be more than enough to give you an idea of what the party was like.
Happy new year, everybody!
And now, the original:
In case you were wondering, I live in the area marked “Strip Clubs” — Tampa has a rep for being the peeler capital of the world, although that’s not really the case. We do have a colorful local who built an empire on exotic dancing, though.