The Adventures of Accordion Guy in the 21st Century

Jacksonville police were called to deal with a man indecently exposing himself in a model home. The man entered a model home that was unlocked and unoccupied, stripped naked, and then left to walk about the neighborhood au naturel. He then broke into a fully-furnished home, where he’s reported to have “damaged the property” (I suspect bodily functions are involved). Police entered that home, at which point Naked Guy locked himself in the bathroom. He eventually exited and was taken into custody without incident.

I like how the WTLV account says that “the suspect did not have any identification”. He apparently identified himself to the officers with a set of names:

• Chance
• Cecil
• Randolph
• Three

That last one’s my favorite.

He was eventually identified as Cecil Warner, and unsurprisingly admitted to having taken 10 MDMA (“Ecstasy” to Gen-Xers, “Molly” to Millennials) pills on Monday morning. Florida Man doesn’t need to wait for Friday to get his party on!

This is a Google Street View of the Lido Lounge. Click to see it in its full-size glory.

This may actually be more of an Ohio Man story than a Florida Man story, but since it involves a Florida Man in a situation that could’ve been averted with all-too-uncommon common sense, it’s a Florida Man tale.

Antonio Cummings, age 24 and hailing from Orlando, spent last Friday evening at a friend’s birthday at the Lido Lounge, a strip bar in Cleveland (and the cheerful-looking institution pictured above). In the parking lot (also pictured above), he ended up in a discussion with a man known only as “Mike” about the relative merits of Florida’s and Ohio’s strip clubs. A combination of state pride and the strong possibility that Antonio was winning — let’s face, in Ohio, I’d be considered skinny — led Mike to use the tried-and-true American debating tactic: shooting the opposing speaker in the leg.

If you’re looking for some amusing lunchtime reading, go check out the reviews on the Lido Lounge’s Yelp page (it has an overall 3.5-star rating), and enjoy these Yelp user-submitted photos:

This one has a certain Ansel Adams quality to it. I love the bike — it says “I’m saving the earth and checking out strippers! It’s win-win!”

I want to say that he’s going for a Rodin’s “The Thinker” pose, but this is Ohio. He’s probably adjusting “the boys” before entering the club.

Actually, the rainbow is leading you to the pot of gold at the Advance Auto Parts behind the Lido.

Where else would you want to spend the last Saturday before Christmas?

Three observations:

1. Those are some pretty good deals if you’re willing to forego first world hygiene.
2. Does every strip club have to employ someone named “Candy”? Or do they simply assign that name to an employee, a la Dread Pirate Roberts?
3. Whenever I hear the name “Candy”, I’m reminded of this scene from Highlander:

This car was headed in the direction of Land O’ Lakes, which promotes itself as the “Nudist Resort Capital of the World”, and where the neighborhood scenes where Edward Scissorhands were filmed.

I leave making a connection between the two to the Gentle Reader.

It sounds like something from Star Wars, but Executive Order 9066 was issued on February 19, 1942 by President Franklin Delano Roosevelt, giving the Secretary of War the authority to declare certain areas of the United States as military zones, which then set the stage for Japanese-American internment camps. About 120,000 American citizens and immigrants of Japanese ancestry were forcibly relocated from their homes, businesses, and ways of life. 80,000 of them, such as Star Trek’s George Takei and former Secretary of Transport Norm Mineta, were second- and even third-generation.

Photo from Wikipedia. Click to see the source.

Let’s remember internment survivors and all the communities that continue to have their civil liberties violated today simply because of where they came from.

Thanks to 18 Million Rising for the reminder!