The Adventures of Accordion Guy in the 21st Century

Here are some other classic weblog entries that had gone missing, but have been recovered thanks to my archives:

Death to Disney, part 1 and Death to Disney, part 2. December 2000. Rants on copyright and fair use.

Sayonara 2001. December 31st, 2001. What a crappy year.

Sacked. January 2002: Getting fired from OpenCola.

One helluva Saturday night. January 2002: A lovely evening with many stories.

Snow job, part 1 and Snow job, part 2. February 2002: Tales of my days selling sno-cones on the street in Toronto.

Tina’s Birthday. April 2002. Actually, the text for this entry was not lost, but the photos were. I’ve since put them back up.

Now it can be told May 2002. Had a date, got a job.

According to Webalizer, here are the top twenty search phrases that have led to kode-fu.com:

1. vb string functions

2. string functions vb

3. string functions in vb

4. vb data types

5. vb math functions

6. c# string functions

7. accordian

8. annalee newitz

9. accordion guy

10. mash-ups

11. stagette (for which I still have the #1 Google entry!)

12. vba string functions

13. female pipe smoker

14. rosetta stone

15. string compare in vb

16. vb string conversion

17. c# math functions

18. funny czech phrases

19. how to play accordian

20. joey devilla

Once again, as a public service announcement: the word is spelled accordiOn, not accordiAn.

Just in case you thought only “The Left” were masters of ham-fisted witless diatribes attempting to pass for humour, may I present The Leftersons (“America’s favorite liberal family!”). The Leftersons are a nuclear family of sorts — there’s an unnamed Mom and Dad, a daughter named Hillary, and a son named Stalin (Leftersons cartoonist Colin Hayes is probably still slapping his knee over that witty little gem). There’s also a goldfish who plays the double role of being the only sensible (read: extremely conservative) member of the family and Greek chorus as well as Stalin’s pal Tommy, a sensible (read: extremely conservative) African-American (well, Stalin calls him “African-American”, to which he replies “You mean black?”) whose role models include Clarence Thomas, Thomas Sowell and Dr. Tony Evans.

Hayes’ line-drawing style is pretty good, and he owes it to the fact that he’s been drawing since the age of four. The problem is that it looks as though his writing style is stuck at that age, as he goes straight for “Liberals are stoopid, just ’cause” angle rather than spelling out his case. Sir, I’ve read lots of P.J. O’Rourke, and you’re no P.J. O’Rourke.

Here’s a quick tour of some Leftersons strips:

• The obligatory “Liberals live for higher taxes” piece
• The obligatory “Liberals want to deny you your God-given right to bear arms” piece
• The obligatory “the NEA is all about the perverted arts” piece
• The obligatory “alternative fuel cars are for suckers” piece
• The obligatory 9/11 reference
• The obligatory July 4th piece
• The obligatory “Down with the U.N.” piece
• The obligatory “get off your lazy asses, you whiny liberals” piece
• The obligatory John Walker Lindh piece

If you really must read this nonsense, you can check cruise on down to the archive. Please remember that going there is your choice, and I take no responsibility for what happens afterwards.

The Adventures of Accordionguy in the 21st Century: reading crap so you don’t have to.

I’ve mentioned earlier that the database behind Blogger (the Web service that I use to maintain this weblog) has lost a number of my entries. As Murphy’s Law would have it, some personal favourites had vanished. It is only thanks to the modern miracle of recordable CD-ROMs and good backing-up habits that I have been able to recover these stories and get them re-entered. Here are some that I’ve put back online:

Breach of Security. November 2001: A con man comes to my house…twice. Hilarious-in-retrospect stuff ensues.

The con man from another world! The follow-up to Breach of Security.

Konichiwa, 2002! Fourteen years’ worth of New Years’ Eve stories.

They’re not “strippers”, they’re “Naked-Americans”. February 2002: Peepshows and accordions go together like bondage gear and Cheez Whiz. And by that, I mean really, really well.

I’m off to cottage country for the weekend and taking a little time off from the computer. It’s a lovely weekend; why not do the same?

See you Tuesday.

On Your Back to School. eye’s sex columnist, Sasha, says that that if you’re a young man and a starving student, you might want to consider the lucrative world of Internet porn.

If the porn things not for you, there are other jobs — while they don’t pay well, some of the perqs are great. (By the bye, the word “perq” is short for perquisite.)

They also review that staple of the student diet: macaroni and cheese. “Dee-licious and noo-tritious,” as my friend Cory would say (and write). Wise people that the reviewers are, they gave top marks to Loblaw’s President’s Choice Macaroni and Cheese, the caviar of all the mac-and-cheese offerings.

Apres Napster, la deluge. A filler article (well, eye is 75% filler) comparing various MP3-sharing apps.

(For my non-French speaking friends: After Napster, the deluge. See, the French don’t always have their own word for everything. What’s the french word for cafe? It’s cafe. The french word for crosisant? Croissant. The french word for menage a troi? You get three guesses. See? French is easy!)

And last but not least, eye’s guide to student-cheap stuff in Toronto. Also good if you plan to visit the city on the cheap. They make mention of my pals at Global Pop Conspiracy, too!

Friday (tonight):

Reclaim the Streets party

It’s that time of the year again — the annual Reclaim the Streets party. It’s taking place at Denison Square Park in Kensington Market at 7:00 p.m. tonight.

I’m already behind on all kinds of work that I need to get done, so I’ll leave it to this NOW magazine article to describe the event. I’ll be there with accordion in tow and post a write-up thise weekend.

Monday:

Cherry Beach Sound System

Look closely: that’s Labour Day Monday, not Sunday. The dance party starts at 2 and runs until 10 p.m. Then some of you will have to go to school the following day.

Once again, the Promise party crew is holding another of their DJ parties at Cherry Beach. They set up the DJ booth by a small grove of trees and the dance party area is in a clearing by that grove. To the south is a spectacular view of the lake and to the north is an equally tasty view of Accordion City’s skyline.

This week’s DJ roster:

Caspian Rabone is the head of Polaris Recordings and plays anywhere from dubby blissed-out tech house to hard driving techno. He will be kicking off this long weekend beach party.

Nick Lloyd and Pierre Nick Lloyd and Pierre played a super afternoon set a few weeks back and have been invited to do it again.

Yoshie and Chie are the couple that many of us have seen busking at the subway or in front of City TV with a Sitar and a Digeridoo.

Andrew Allsgood , according to the folks at Promise, “is a dj whose music stopped us dead in our tracks when we overheard it on the sidewalk one time”. He’ll be playing a funky mix of house with jazzy breakbeats in it. Expect a chilled blend of jazzy older tunes and funky house.

Peter Jarvis runs the successful Play Records (who are holding a dubby release party next Thursday). He’ll be playing techhouse.

AMtrak and Dante will close the night dowqn with groovyhouse.

Getting there

Getting there by car:

Go east on Lakeshore Boulevard until you’re just past Parliament Street. Turn south down Cherry Street all the way to the parking lot at the end. The beach is west of the parking lot; follow the trail that leads west and look for a concrete pillar with a flashing red light on top. The party will be a few paces past it. If all else fails, just follow the music.

Getting there by bike:

Just follow the Martin Goodman bike trail east of downtown until you hit Cherry Street and turn south. Follow Cherry Street to the parking lot at the end. The beach is west of the parking lot; follow the trail that leads west and look for a concrete pillar with a flashing red light on top. The party will be a few paces past it. If all else fails, just follow the music.

Other stuff:

• Bring lunch, kites, frisbees, beach balls, your friends, dogs and — if you have them — accordions.
• Please don’t bring more than you plan to take back out with you – leave no trace.
• It gets chilly later in the evening down by the lake. Bring something warm that you can throw on if you’re staying late.
• This is just a beach, not a dance club — bring sunscreen, bug spray if you’re staying into the evening and if you want something to sit on, you’ll have to bring it.
• If you’re coming to the party in the evening, bring a flashlight. There’s almost no light on the trail leading to the party.
• This is a word-of-mouth event. If you know someone who will like this type of free outdoor event, please let them know.
• The bad weather backup plan: If the sky’s looking grey that day, call the emergency update line at (416) 323-0361.