The Adventures of Accordion Guy in the 21st Century

…or so I think.

Last Sunday, I was led to believe that Milla Jovovich graced us Kickass Karaoke regulars with her presence at The Rivoli, since some of the cast of Resident Evil: Apocalypse, which is currently shooting in town (who knew the original did well enough to warrant a sequel?), dropped by. I was later corrected by Kickass Karaoke host Carson T. Foster, who told me via email that “Milla” was in fact another actress named Siena, who bears a resemblance to her. Milla’s appearance changes quite a bit from movie to movie, and actors often look different in real life, so I thought, hey, it’s an honest mistake.

Last night, while hanging out with my friend Leila after the Bjork concert, the topic changed to Kickass Karaoke.

“Did you meet Milla Jovovich at karaoke?” asked Leila.

“I was told it wasn’t Milla, but someone else in the movie who looks like her named Siena,” I replied. “I checked IMDB but didn’t see anyone named Siena in the cast list. Maybe she’s a stunt double.”

“No, I talked to her for fifteen minutes, starting with ‘Hey! You’re Milla Jovovich!'”

“Really?”

“Yeah. We talked a lot about her name.”

So was that Milla or was Siena having a bit of fun with Leila? Celebrity experts (or obsessed fanboys) can check see these photos and decide (the Mystery Girl is in the pink shirt).

Let me know in the comments, willya?

Another check of IMDB’s page for Resident Evil: Apocalypse shows a Sienna Guillory playing the part of “Jill Valentine”. Hmmm…

Uttered by a woman at a party at the 61st World Science Fiction Convention this past weekend:

“What a wide selection of available men in this room. I can have any pear-shaped guy I want.”

This Friday at 8:00 p.m., I will be on the W Network’s new show, Living Romance. Here’s the description of the show as it appears on their site:

Living Romance on W Network invites the viewer to experience life as a romantic adventure. Hosted by Jonathan Torrens and Ramona Milano, the series will celebrate romance from the first date to the Golden Wedding Anniversary. We’ll explore the various ways to find romance, from traditional matchmakers to modern-day speed dating. You’ll learn how to put the romance back in your relationship and be inspired by stories of enduring love. From Romantic Get-aways to Fun, Fresh Dating, luxurious lingerie to wonderful weddings, Living Romance offers the essential A-Z for romantic living.

(Did they have to use the word “romance” in every sentence? I feel as if that descriptive paragraph just mugged me with a truncheon hidden in a bouquet of roses.)

This episode is about serenading. There are three segments:

• A mariachi band
• A guy who wakes up his girlfriend every morning and tucks her in every night by playing the violin for her (I’ll bet that got really old really quickly)
• The “comic relief” segment in which some guy tries to pick up women on Queen Street armed only with his accordion and his wit

I’m as in the dark about what the show is like as you are; like you, Friday will be my first opportunity to catch the show. The songs they asked me to perform were made up on the spot (so as to avoid having to buy rights), so be warned that it’s not my best work. However, I was feeling pretty energetic on the day of the shoot, so I’m hoping that my enthusiasm, hamminess and chutzpah outshines my terrible extemporaneous lyrics.

In honour of this momentous occasion, there will be a barbecue and viewing at my house, followed by silliness to be determined. The fun will start at around 7, and the viewing at 8. I’ll tape it so that latecomers can watch the glorious train wreck.

Drop me an email or leave a note in the comments if you’re interested!

On a lark, I ran a Google search on the phrase “Crazy Go Nuts University”. Queen’s University, my alma mater, came up first! It must’ve been all those times I linked the phrase Crazy Go Nuts University — a name I borrowed from Strong Bad’s Email — to my old school.

I think it’s an appropriate name, as my years there — all seven of ’em — could best be described as “crazy go nuts”. I hope neither Queen’s nor the Chapman brothers (the creators of Strong Bad and all the other characters at HomestarRunner.com) mind.

I don’t watch much TV, but there was something I couldn’t resist about Joe Schmo, the reality show in which only one hapless contestant — the Schmo — is real. Everyone else is an actor playing a reality show archteype:

• The Buddy
• The Asshole
• The Grizzled Veteran
• The Schemer
• The Rich Bitch
• The Gay Guy
• The Virgin
• The Quack
• The Smarmy Host

All the “drama” is scripted and treads the fine line between over-the-top and believable (rather like some of the stories in this blog, come to think of it). Normally, reality shows fail to capture my interest for terribly long because they’re so terribly contrived. However, by actually increasing the contrivance to Truman Show levels, scripting the “drama” and giving the viewer that “in on the joke” feeling, I think they’ve actually made the show feel more “real” than any reality TV show.

Of course, I’m assuming that the Schmo isn’t also an actor faking that he doesn’t know that it’s fake.

I think I would’ve loved being on the writing team for Joe Schmo.

Eamonn emailed me earlier today to let me know that the Australian newspaper The Age made The Adventures of Accordion Guy in the 21st Century their most recent “Topblog” in their tech review section. There’s a headline on the main page of the tech section of their site (for the next while, anyway) that points to an article called Gonzo with the wind:

Joey, aka The Accordion Guy, is a blogger with a touch of Hunter S. Thompson.

Take this recent manic post:

Sooner or later, you’re going to be sitting in the back of the Metaphorical Pickup Truck of Life and realise that there’s a guy in a Pikachu costume smoking crystal meth in the driver’s seat. His foot is jammed hard on the accelerator pedal, he’s drenched in sweat, he has the look of death in his soulless eyes, he’s slashing his own leg with a stiletto knife and screaming, “PAIN WILL BRING ME CLOSER TO FATHER!”

Lesser people – those who can only thrive when the cards are dealt in their favour – will curl up in a ball and wait for the truck to eventually go off a cliff or slam into a bus of orphans and puppies and explode John Woo-style.

Those who know that winning isn’t in the cards you’re dealt, but how you play them, would hop over the cab and onto the hood, Indiana Jones/T.J. Hooker style, smash through the windshield, pummel the driver into submission and bring the vehicle to a complete stop. And then take everyone out for ice-cream afterwards.

I hope to be one of those people.

Joey chronicles his attempts to grab life by the throat almost daily, with themes ranging from weirdo girlfriends to whether “echospamming” (what happens when some spammer uses your email address as their “reply to” address) should be justification for homicide.

As an internationally-known Australian is wont to say: Crikey!

My thanks to the article’s author, Jenny Sinclair, for writing such nice things about me (I’ve never been compared to Dr. Thompson before!) and to Eamonn for the heads-up!

Can anyone send me a clipping of the actual paper? I’ll cover postage…