Categories
Music Stranger than Fiction

When you love the song “Total Eclipse of the Heart” but don’t know the language

This performance — as seen on Brazilian TV show Alerta Amazonas — perfectly captures  the Spirit of 2020 like nothing else: Incredibly flawed, but damn it, we’re going to soldier through it somehow.

It’s my new favorite cover of Bonnie Tyler’s 1983 hit, Total Eclipse of the Heart:

Some days we’re the singer, some days we’re the twirling guy.

In case you were wondering what my old favorite version was, it’s Hurra Torpedo’s cover:

And for old times’ sake, here’s the original:

Thanks to Raymi the Minx for the find!

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Florida Internet Finds Stranger than Fiction

Meanwhile, in Florida…

Tap the photo to see the Florida-ness at full size.
Categories
Stranger than Fiction

Headline of the day: “Pair hired for man’s broom sexual fantasy turn up in bedroom at wrong address with machetes”

Shadow of machete with headline “Pair hired for man’s broom sexual fantasy turn up in bedroom at wrong address with machetes / After appearing in an unsuspecting resident’s bedroom with knives at 6.15am, the duo accepted their mistake, saying ‘sorry mate’”

The Sky News headline reads “Pair hired for man’s broom sexual fantasy turn up in bedroom at wrong address with machetes,” and has the subheading “After appearing in an unsuspecting resident’s bedroom with knives at 6.15am, the duo accepted their mistake, saying ‘sorry mate’”.

I love the rather matter-of-fact account of what happened:

Police said the intended client had “history and proclivity for engaging the services of people”.

He had made arrangements with a man on Facebook for people to engage in the role play, and sent his address – before he later updated it after moving house more than 30 miles away.

But the resident of the home where the men mistakenly turned up to told police that when he noticed a light on in his lounge at around 6.15am, he assumed it was a friend who visits daily to make coffee.

He said he called out: “B***** off, it’s too early.”

After hearing a voice asking “is your name Kevin?”, the man said he turned his light on to see two men he did not recognise standing next to his bed, both holding machetes.

A conversation then ensued, in which the pair repeatedly sought to establish whether he was “Kevin”, each time being told “no” in response.

At one point, one of them asked: “Are you sure you are not Kevin as we were told to come to [this address] and pick up Kevin.”

Eventually accepting their error, the duo then left, with one saying “sorry mate” and shaking the resident’s hand, while the other said “bye”.

The resident then called police.

I have questions:

  1. It’s supposed to be a “broom fantasy”. Why did they bring machetes?
  2. How do you get a wrong address in the age of GPS?
  3. Maybe I’m getting old, but who schedules a fantasy encounter for 6:15 a.m.? These days, the only thing I fantasize about at that time is more sleep.

 

Categories
Stranger than Fiction The Current Situation

Karen of the day: “I yield my time to the representative from Ventura County’s Crazytown”

Deborah Baber (right) and…is it Uday or Qusay? I never can tell which is which.

County Board of Supervisors meetings are dull, dreary, monotonous affairs most of the time, so let’s give a big hand to Deborah Baber for the completely bonkers “Vanilla ISIS/Yokel Haram/Branch Covidian” energy she brought to Ventura County’s meeting when given the floor to talk about her courageousness in not wearing a mask:

In case you needed a closer look at the middle school science fair-level posterboard she used as a visual aid for her rant, here’s a photo:

In spite of her moving performance, which I’m sure she sees in her mind as a Mr. Smith Goes to Washington moment, the Ventura City Council voted 4-3 in favor of requiring masks in public places.

For more, see Heavy’s article, Ventura County ‘Karen’ ID’d as Deborah Baber in Viral Video.

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Florida of the Day Stranger than Fiction

You might want to wear a mask…

…and this is Florida in mid-June; you’ll also want lots of bug repellent and sunscreen.

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Florida of the Day Stranger than Fiction Tampa Bay The Current Situation

Florida of the day: Tampa Bay Times buried the lede on the “Tampa Bay radio DJs are catching COVID-19” (or: They offer COVID-19 tests at strip clubs?!)

In my opinion, the real take-away from this Tampa Bay Times article is that under the right circumstances, you can get a COVID-19 test at a strip club.

It appears in the article titled Mike Calta among staff with coronavirus at 102.5 The Bone. Here’s the relevant part:

The plan for now was for the Calta show to continue broadcasting live with with everyone working remotely from their own homes.

Drew Garabo, an afternoon host on the station who broadcasts from the same studio as Calta, said on his show Monday that he received a call from a supervisor Friday night while en route to a Tampa strip club in a rideshare.

Garabo said that he and a co-host were, coincidentally, offered a COVID-19 test in the back office of that strip club after they arrived. Both came back later showing no signs of the virus. He said he’s unsure if it could have been a false negative, or if he has been exposed since then.

My guess is that the tests at the strip club are for specifically for the employees and that Garabo was on his way to the club to do a DJ gig there. He probably needed the money — if you read the article, you’ll see a reference to co-workers at the radio station being roommates. The moral of the story is to tip well at the strip club; they don’t have the work-from-home options that many of us do, and they could use the cash.

Today’s Tampa Bay Times also has a story about DJs at Orlando’s Wild 94.1 coming down with COVID-19. DJ booths are tiny, high-touch environments; this story seems to be another data point about small, enclosed indoor spaces being a vector for the disease.

Categories
Florida of the Day Stranger than Fiction Tampa Bay

Florida of the day: Alligator bites face of man searching lake for free frisbees

“Supposedly he was in the water up to his waist and he was looking for Frisbees when the gator took notice of him,” said Largo police spokesman Lt. Scott Gore in a Tampa Bay Times article titled “Alligator bites man’s face at Largo park”. The person in question is Travis Spitzer, was wading into the lake in middle of Largo’s Taylor Parkat 5 in the morning, looking for lost frisbees.

I should first correct myself. He was looking for discs. If you know anyone who plays disc golf, “Ultimate,” or any form of the game, you know not to use the term “frisbee” in their presence unless you want to set yourself up for a half-hour ultra pedantic lecture on how discs are not frisbees. Take it from me: it’s a half-hour of your life that you’ll never get back.

Taylor Park disc golf course. Photo by Megan Hoffman. Tap to see the source.

Taylor Park has a disc golf course that borders Tylor Lake in the center of the park, which is pictured above. Also pictured above is a sign warning you about alligators in the lake. The sign is actually intended for people new to Florida; if you’ve been here long enough, you’ve probably internalized the assumption that there’s a gator in any body of fresh water, natural or artificial.

From the Tampa Bay Times:

Police did not know how big the alligator was, but Gore said Spitzer used his left hand to pry the animal off. He was transferred to a hospital with injuries to his hand and face.

Police said he is expected to survive the bite.

The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission’s Tampa office responded to the scene and is investigating.

Some things to keep in mind:

  • The fact that it was 5 in the morning means that he wasn’t playing disc golf, but just prospecting for lost discs.
  • In case you were wondering if they were expensive, you should know that you can get disc golf discs for less than $20 each.
  • Alligators are most active from dusk until dawn, so it was at the tail end of their active period.
  • Alligators are more active than usual during mating season, which runs from April through to the end of June. Spitzer may have butted in on some gator’s sexytime.

In short: Standard Florida Man operating procedure — high risk, low reward, questionable judgement.

To give you some sense of where this all took place relative to Yours Truly, here’s a map:

Tap the map to see it at full size.