Author: Joey deVilla

Tomorrow is my 35th birthday, so today’s my last day in the “must-be-in” 18 to 34 demographic. Tomorrow, I will be invisible to the market research guys who’ve been following me around trying to sell me beer, cars or magazines, or asking questions like “smooth or chunky?”, “Britney or Christina?”, “Hives or Vines?”, “Aaron or Wes?” and “dom or sub?”. It’ll be nice not having those guys underfoot.

My friend, Nancy Miki doesn’t agree: she says I’ll always be in the 18 to 34 demographic. I’ll take that as a compliment.

The best kind of song that a street musician can perform is one that the audience can sing along to, even if they’ve never heard it before. I tried this one last night, and it went over really well.

In fact, it went over so well that a guy gave me a crisp twenty-dollar bill for it.

He just paid for the ice for my birthday party. Thanks, dude! And thanks, Jay, Silent Bob and Afroman!

Because I Got High

by Afroman

from the albums “The Good Times” and “Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back soundtrack”

I was gonna clean my room until I got high

I gonna get up and find the broom but then I got high

My room is still messed up and I know why

Because I got high, because I got high, because I got high

I was gonna go to class before I got high

I coulda cheated and I coulda passed but I got high

I am taking it next semester and I know why

Because I got high, because I got high, because I got high

I was gonna go to work but then I got high

I just got a new promotion but I got high

Now I’m selling dope and I know why

Because I got high, because I got high, because I got high

I was gonna go to court before I got high

I was gonna pay my child support but then I got high

They took my whole paycheque and I know why

Because I got high, because I got high, because I got high

I wasnt gonna run from the cops but I was high

I was gonna pull right over and stop but I was high

Now I am a paraplegic and I know why

Because I got high, because I got high, because I got high

I was gonna pay my car note until I got high

I wasn’t gonna gamble on the boat but then I got high

Now the tow truck is pulling away and I know why

Because I got high, because I got high, because I got high

I was gonna make love to you but then I got high

I was gonna eat yo pussy too but then I got high

Now I’m jacking off and I know why

Because I got high, because I got high, because I got high

I messed up my entire life because I got high

I lost my kids and wife because I got high

Now I’m sleeping on the sidewalk and I know why

Because I got high, because I got high, because I got high

I’m gonna stop singing this song because I’m high

I’m singing this whole thing wrong because I’m high

And if I dont sell one copy I know why

Because I got high, because I got high, because I got high

Here are the chords — for each verse:

line 1: G C

line 2: D G

line 3: G C

line 4: G D G

The song’s extremely simple, having only a bass and a drum machine playing a TR-808-like kick and snare. There’s loads of room for embellishment; I play a lot of the chords as sevenths and throw in a solo just before the “I was gonna make love to you” verse.

If you have RealPlayer, you can see the video for Because I Got High online.

The Ontario Skeptics Society for Critical Inquiry may have an unwieldy name, but they’ve got a great little fair happening tomorrow. It’s the Psychic Unfair, their “response to the psychic fairs and expos that continually promote paranormal phenomena and charlatans in this part of the world”. Accordion City has a popular annual “Psychics, Mystics and Seers Fair” that’s taken place every year for the past while, but this is only the Psychic Unfair’s second such event.

There will be psychic demonstrations, experiments, games, books and lots of information about the skeptical consideration of faith healing, crop circles, cryptozoology, UFOs, alien abductions, ESP, therapeutic touch and other such phenomena. There’s also a $1000 challenge where “psychics” and the public are invited to identify three objects in sealed boxes to win cash.

The Unfair takes place at the Earth Sciences Centre at the University of Toronto tomorrow, Saturday November 2nd, between 1:00 and 6:00 p.m. Here are directions and a map if you’re interested.

Seeing as I live a five-minute bike ride away from U of T, I might drop by. I could use the cash, too.

About an hour or so ago, we had our first snowfall here in Accordion City. Here’s a shot taken twenty minutes into the snowfall, taken in the space between my house and my neighbours’:

It’s only fitting: yesterday was Day of the Deadbeat, today is Day of the Dead.

When the Philippines was a Spanish colony, a period that spanned three hundred years from the time of Magellan (whose punk ass we killed — circumnavigate this, colonialist beeyotch!) to 1898, many people from another Spanish colony, Mexico, were also transported there. The Day of the Dead, along with other bits of Mexican culture such as menudo (the dish, not the boy band) and hot chocolate and churros became part of Filipino culture. Unfortunately, while we picked up the visiting-your-dead-relatives’-graves thing, we never adopted the really cool parades of people dressed up as skeletons. For a country that goes all hardcore during Easter with guys actually getting crucified in Passion plays, you think we’d have embraced the skeleton parades.

Besides, I think I could come in handy at one of those parades:

I’m plagued by deadbeats.

First, the former co-worker who still owes me money from last year’s DefCon conference for the hotel and food.

Then, the housemate who failed to pay rent, ran up the largest residential phone bill I’ve ever seen, moved away and asked if he could move back if he landed a job in Toronto.

Then, the company that owes me six weeks’ worth of back pay but still needed me to do a lot of stuff.

Then, [Update October 31, 4:45 p.m. EST — okay, he paid up.]

I am sick and tired of people abusing my goodwill and generosity.

I’m coming after all of you, and I promise that I will make your lives so miserable that you will cry yourselves to sleep and wet the bed from your nightmares until you pay up.

You fuckers have been warned. Pay up.

Accordion City’s venerable BamBoo Club, a long-time fixture on Queen Street West, is closing its doors for the final time tomorrow night. It’s long been the home of live world beat music, great Thai and Caribbean food and for providing weekend-like drum-and-bass nights on Monday and Tuesday evening for those of us who work in the bar/restaurant service industry. The wall mural is already gone, and the rest of the club disappears after tomorrow night.

If you live in Toronto and have enjoyed the BamBoo over the years, be sure to catch it one last time. I’ll probably be there tonight along with some of the Thirsty People of Toronto and tomorrow night with the Sunni Choi Girlz.