Also Florida of the day: The curious case of the Christmas Eve toe sucker

Photo: Bare foot and an outline of the state of Florida, with the headline “Florida police search for criminal toe sucker”

From The Smoking Gun:

Investigators say the victim was sleeping in his bedroom when the suspect somehow entered the locked Bradenton residence on December 24. When the victim awoke around 3:30 AM, his toes were in the creepy stranger’s mouth.

“The victim asked the suspect what he was doing,” police reported. Assuming that he was about to be robbed, the victim declared that he did not have any money. In response, “The suspect told him he was there to suck toes.”

As you can see, the suspect followed only one of Inigo Montoya’s tips for networking success: manage expectations…

Because this is ’Murica, guns entered the picture:

The victim, who was alone in the residence, then began throwing punches at the intruder, forcing him out of the house and into the yard. As he was being driven from the home, the suspect “told the victim that he had a gun and then attempted to fondle the victim’s genital area.”

However, a “gun was never seen during the altercation,” police noted.

Maybe he meant the other kind of gun:

In case you were wondering how far the incident took place from me, here’s a map:

Map: Distance between 7venth Sun Brewery in Tampa and Bradenton, Florida (57 minutes, 48.7 miles)

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