As a YouTube watcher, you can already sense the impending FAIL, but as far as “Ali” was concerned, there were no possible bad outcomes when he placed a watermelon on a glass patio table and attempted to cleave it in twain with a scimitar:
To add insult to patio table injury, the watermelon came out of the experience intact.
There ain’t nose party like a sausage party
Ali’s loss is minor compared to Ethan Schneider’s. He and a buddy were trying to impress friends at a party with a trick where he’d hold a kielbasa in his mouth while his buddy sliced it with a katana. You already know where this is going…
Here’s what TMZ reports about the aftermath:
4 hours of surgery and a slew of stitches later, Ethan got his sniffer back. He can smell but has no feeling … and doctors aren’t sure if it will ever come back.
Back in 2013, YouTube video personality Ryan Higa tried a real-life version of Fruit Ninja, but apparently forgot that unlike the game, everything in the real world comes with mass and Newton’s Third Law built-in:
A key difference between Ryan Higa’s video and the first two in this article is that Higa shot his video properly. The others fell victim to Vertical Video Syndrome, a common problem with videos shot using phones:
It the 4th of July — Independence Day — and here in these United States of ‘Murica, that means fireworks. And the annual intentionally disturbing, unintentionally funny safety video from the CPSC, short for the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission.
The folks at Gizmodo have taken the most visually arresting bits from the CPSC video and turned it into 1-minute, 29-second “highlight reel”, complete with an added Muzak soundtrack:
I can imagine the planning meeting for the video:
CPSC official 1: We need to demonstrate how a bottle rocket can take someone’s eye out in a way that’s presentable to the public, yet gruesome at the same time, and doable with homemade special effects.
CPSC official 2: How about we use some twine or fishing line to guide the bottle rocket to a mannequin’s eye?
CPSC official 1: That’s a good start, but I need more gore. Tasteful gore.
CPSC official 3: I’ve got it! We scoop out one of the mannequin’s eyes…
CPSC official 1 (sitting forward in chair): I’m listening…
CPSC official 3: …and we put a raw egg in the resulting eye-socket!
CPSC official 1: GENIUS! Make it happen! Now remember that we’ve only got an afternoon to do it, and our budget is twenty bucks.
If you’d much rather watch the official video, complete with English and Spanish soundbites from official-looking people and “B-roll” for news organizations who need some additional video shots, here it is:
Things are dead slow today.
Click the photo to see it at full size.
The national holiday — Independence Day, the 4th of July — takes place on a Saturday this year, so a good number of businesses are treating today — Friday, July 3rd, the closest weekday — as a day off. If you’re trying to contact a business from outside the US and wondering why nobody’s replying to your calls or messages today, you now know the reason why.