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“February – Blog Later”

View out of an airplane window, looking at the wing and clouds

I have a folder on my hard drive called “File Me”. It’s a catch-all that I use for things that I don’t feel like organizing right at the moment, but will put in their proper places later. “Later” turned out to be last night.

The tulip stand at Pike Place Market in Seattle, brimming with red and yellow tulips

Among the items contained within “File Me” was a folder labelled “February – blog later”.

My orange and white wristband from the TechReady 12 conference. Reads "TechReady 12 / Attendee Party / The Commons, Microsoft Campus / Thursday, 17 February 2011 / 19:30 - 24:00"

Curious, I thought, and looked inside. Within that folder were a handful of photos, a scan of a wristband and an animated gif made from an old Mickey Mouse cartoon. Put together, they tell a story.

Oh yeah, I thought, looking at the images. Definitely blog later. I’ve included all of them in this article.

A bottle of bitters. Label reads "Scrappy's Bitters / Herbal Tincture / All natural with herb maceration / RHUBARB / Old Fashion Style"

It’s hard to believe that these photos are from mid- to late February, not quite eight months ago. I flew to Seattle twice that month, spending a grand total of sixteen days there. Home had become a nice place to visit.

Joey deVilla poses with the giant troll under the bridge in Seattle, with his arm up the troll's left nostril

I have very vivid memories of the night my friend Jeannie drove me to place near the Sound. I breathed in lungfuls of cool night air and stood on locks over waters that would eventually flow into the Pacific, thinking that only a month before and a continent away, I was in a darkened emergency room. It hadn’t been that long since I was gasping like a fish on dry land, fumbling in the dark, desperately trying to reconnect the emergency call button and thinking “so this is what dying feels like”.

Puget Sound locks after sunset, with some light still in the sky

What with the bouncing between Eastern and Pacific time zones – twice, the late nights and early mornings associated with doing a presentation in front of hundreds of people, the countless (and expensed!) tumblers of bourbon and goblets of red wine and perhaps a whiff or two of pheromones, it’s all a big jumble in my head.

A sleeping malamute in the back seat of a car

I visited a great-aunt, my late grandmother’s sister, whom I hadn’t seen in years. I made friends with the sweetest, most gentle dog with abandonment issues. My co-worker Paul and I gave one kick-ass presentation; we still get complimented on it. I jammed live on stage with the Bootie DJ crew at Chop Suey, playing accordion over a mash-up that used The Eurythmics’ Sweet Dreams as the base track. The next week, I played with the band in the middle of Safeco Field.

Someone at Redmond said that I’d be an asset to their team and that I should transfer there. I gave it some serious thought.

Animation of Mickey Mouse poking sausages with forks

I got perp walked into a meeting with a perturbed C-level executive. I had some heart-to-heart conversations with a lot of co-workers who were convinced that I was going to quit, including one with my manager that was only survivable through continuous shots of Wild Turkey. Oddly, at the time, while it would be a fair assumption to think I was going to leave, I was determined to stay.

View of the highway from Seattle Crowne Plaza hotel at night

I had two terrible, sleepless nights, slumped in my hotel room’s easy chair with a bucket of Coronas in ice at my side, staring at the highway to Portland and thinking “something’s got to change.”

(The Seattle Crowne Plaza’s room service has a “three chicken tacos and three Coronas in a bucket of ice” special for $20. Every hotel should have a deal like this for those long dark nights of the soul.)

A woman playing Joey deVilla's accordion

There’s a even a hilarious (in retrospect, anyway) story about a non-date gone wrong that involves a Lotus Esprit, the pigeon-hole principle, too much booze, free fries, rotten timing, the accordion (naturally) and of course, a girl. I’ll tell it someday. It can’t ever hope to top “Worst Date Ever”, but it’s still a good one.

jeannie

Oh yeah, and apple pancake with Jeannie. That was pretty good.

Take-out container with the word "Mine" and "Yours" in a "forbidden" circle.

None of these photos will ever win any awards. Any decent photographer will tell you that they’re just vacation snaps, and they’d be right. But they’re special to me, because they tug at my soul. They take me back to a very tumultuous February.

View from the window as my plane comes in for a landing in Toronto

As for the stories that go with the photos? I think I’ll let them “age” a little longer before telling them. I’m going to follow the instructions I gave to myself when naming the folder they came from: “blog later”.

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The Cover of Next Week’s New Yorker

Cover of the New Yorker, October 17, 2011, featuring an illustration of Steve Jobs at the Pearly Gates, with St. Peter processing him on an iPad

This article also appears in Global Nerdy.

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I’ll Admit It, I Laughed (Part 2)

"Most Interesting Man in the World" says "I don't always have sex with Spanish Star Trek fans, but when I do, I prefer DOS TREKKIES"

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I’ll Admit It, I Laughed

Photo of Steve Wozniak, with the caption "No one will ever need more that 640K of RAM. -- Steve Jobs"

This article also appears in Global Nerdy.

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Q: Are We Not Dogs?

Picture of two silhouettes of whippets. Whippet 1 is labelled "Whippet"; Whippet 2 is wearing a Devo-style hat and labelled "Whippet good".

This one’s been doing the rounds on the internet today. In case you don’t get the reference, you might want to watch this video.

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Today’s Cover of the Toronto Sun

Cover of the Toronto Sun, with the full-page headline "We've got a Liberal Minority / Welcome to Hell". "Hell" is spelled in flames.

Wow, that’s a lot of conservative butt-hurt, even by Toronto Sun standards. (I must admit, it’s odd using the words “Toronto Sun” and “standards” in the same sentence.)

If you’re not from the Ontario, it’s in reference to last night’s provincial election results in which the Liberal party won a minority government (winning enough seats to rule, but not enough for a majority of the overall seats) over the Sun’s preferred Conservatives.

This puts a damper on the Conservative trifecta some people were hoping for here in Accordion City, Canada’s economic capital and one held in roughly the same regard that people in “red states” hold New York City. With Toronto mayor Rob “Peter Griffin” Ford and Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper playing the part of a right-of-centre Goofus and Gallant, it would be a conservative wet dream to have a Conservative premier, and they clearly stated so in this video shot at a picnic where all three were in attendance:

For a look at how differently different news organizations view last night’s election results, consider the top-ranking stories on Google News from this morning. These organization’s readers/viewers are typically diametrically opposed on the political spectrum:

Side-by-side pictures of "Peter Griffin" from "Family Guy" and Rob Ford, both in blue suits.

One hypothesis that’s going about town is that Rob Ford – the still new-ish mayor who proved popular in the beginning thanks largely to disappointment with this city’s previous left-leaning, way-too-union-friendly mayor, but whose popularity has been on the decline even among supporters and allies – may have played a part in Conservative premier candidate Tim Hudak’s failure to complete the Conservative hat trick. The idea has gained enough credence that he’s issued the standard denials, including the statement that he didn’t endorse anyone. And it’s true, ass-kissing at a picnic isn’t official endorsement.

Getting back to that Toronto Sun cover: it was silly enough that local blogger Michael Balazo saw fit to revive his blog Toronto Sun Cover Reviews to give this so-bad-it’s-awesome piece of work a critique. Be sure to check it out!

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Know The Difference

Three-panel picture: 1. "Normal Cat" - a white cat.  2. Cat getting punched in the face.  3. "Expensive Luxury Cat" - a "punch face" Persian cat

I never did like the way those expensive luxury cats looked. They look like cat versions of Wilford Brimley:

Wilford Brinley's head on the Dos Equis "Most Interesting Man in the World's" body: "I don't always eat cake, but when I do, DIABEETUS"