The Adventures of Accordion Guy in the 21st Century

I’ll miss Tampa — and I’ll miss the girlfriend even more. I’ll see you folks in Toronto soon.

I’ve got a friend in the Toronto area who’s looking to sell his Lenovo X201 tablet-style laptop with the following features:

• Core i7 processor
• 4GB RAM
• 128 GB SSD drive (fast!)
• Touchscreen w/ stylus
• The 64-bit version of Windows 7 Pro

It’s yours if you want it for $450. Contact me at joey@joeydevilla.com and I’ll arrange an email intro.

This article also appears in Global Nerdy.

Sandro Lisi: Friend and sometime-driver of Toronto’s mayor, accused of drug trafficking, has a rap sheet that includes violence against women, lives with his mom. The mayor has referred to him as a “good guy”.

The special police probe into Toronto’s Mayor and his skeevy friends has a name, and it’s a great one: Project Brazen 2! A spin-off of the guns-and-gangs crackdown Project Traveller (just like X-Men Origins: Wolverine and The Wolverine were spin-offs of the X-Men movies), Project Brazen 2 was launched when Mayor Rob Ford’s friend and sometime-driver — and let’s not forget the details of a rap sheet that included violence against women, and the fact that he still lives with his mom — tried to secure the return of stolen cell phone in exchange for drugs.

The cell phone is believed to belong to Rob Ford. There are reports of the mayor and his staff being concerned when the phone went missing in March, although it’s not clear why. The phone went missing at a rather suspicious time: about a week or two before the Toronto Star learned of the existence of the infamous alleged “crack video” and two months before the Star and Gawker published their reports. The police investigation reports says that Lisi “brokering the return of a cellular phone stolen from an associate of his” in exchange for a “payment of marijuana”. It doesn’t say if he got the phone back or not.

Here’s an interesting fact: Project Brazen 2 is not a sequel to Project Brazen. It’s just that some other branch of the Toronto Police already had a Project Brazen going on at about the same time, nobody checked if the name was already taken, and both groups seemed rather attached to the name “Brazen”. You could consider them unrelated in the same way that the film often known as Hackers 2 has absolutely nothing to do with Hackers, or you could think of it as typically Canadian in the way we used to have two Canadian Football League teams with practically the same homoerotic names (Saskatchewan Roughriders, still active, and the defunct Ottawa Rough Riders).

Still, Project Brazen 2 would make a great name for an action flick:

Click the photo to see it at full size.

…and then I have to return home, and make some major changes.

Take an old Buick, some electrical tape, a little imagination and some judicious work with scissors, and magic happens:

Click le photo to see it le engorged.

Le Sex Tank sounds like the name of a club on Montreal’s Rue Ste-Catherine, and it’s an awesome name for a car. Especially when emblazoned on its side in electrical tape. He could’ve simply made an “S” out of straight lines, but he chose the difficult path and made curvy letters out of small tape segments — an erotic artistic calculus, if you will.

The driver’s expression calls for a close-up:

AIEEE!!!! Back away! Back away!!!

Here’s another shot of Le Sex Tank, which remains as visually stunning even when driverless and motionless:

Encore un fois: click le photo to see it le plump.

Found via The Daily Dot.

The Rob Ford / Family Guy Theory states that there exists a suitable still photo from Family Guy for any Rob Ford story.

Hot on the heels of the report that Toronto’s mayor and his skeevy friends have been tailed by a police surveillance plane comes confirmation by a Toronto Police source that a special squad had been formed to investigate that questionable lot. The squad, which has been described as “small”, is led by a homicide detective (huh?) and includes four named officers. It was put together as a result of information gathered from the police operation known as Project Traveller.

It also doesn’t help His Worship’s (the proper honorific for the Mayor of Toronto, even Rob Ford) case for his innocence that his good friend, occasional driver, and possessor of an impressive criminal record Sandro Lisi was recently for possession and trafficking, and that this suspicious photo remains unexplained:

Oh, cat people.

This “cat massage” video is yet more evidence that “cat person” should be listed as a psychiatric disorder: