The Adventures of Accordion Guy in the 21st Century

What happens when a movie theatre is showing both the Michael Bay film Transformers: Age of Extinction and the Cameron Diaz/Jason Segel comedy Sex Tape? This:

Which led me to wonder: What would a Transformers Sex Tape look like? Maybe like this:

Those of you who read Marvel Comics in the ’80s might remember the relationship in issue #20 of the Transformers comic:

Or this often-misconstrued screengrab from the original animated series:

Kids of the ’80s, I’ve just ruined your childhood:

Bonus movie marquees!

Here’s one I posted back in 2007:

…and here’s my post from 2006:

Newly-minted Tea Party-backed Florida Republican representative (there’s three warnings already) Curt Clawson turned a fairly dull House Foreign Affairs Committee meeting into a potential bonus scene from Harold and Kumar Go to Guantanamo Bay when he mistook two senior US government officials for foreigners.

“I’m familiar with your country; I love your country,” Clawson said at the hearing, and he was met with what Foreign Policy called “looks of confusion” from Nisha Biswal and Arun Kumar, are Americans who hold senior positions at the State Department and Commerce Department.

He likely made the rookie mistake of failing to read the meeting briefing, but as Foreign Policy puts it, he also was “apparently confused by their Indian surnames and skin color,” and as the video below shows, he smugly asked them to help India be a good little client state for big daddy ‘Murica:

“Just as your capital is welcome here to produce good-paying jobs in the U.S.,” he continued, inserting foot deeper into mouth, “I’d like our capital to be welcome there. I ask cooperation and commitment and priority from your government in so doing. Can I have that?”

With commendable composure, Biswal replied, “I think your question is to the Indian government. We certainly share your sentiment, and we certainly will advocate that on behalf of the U.S..”

Foreign Policy also reported: “During the hearing, he repeatedly touted his deep knowledge of the Indian subcontinent and his favorite Bollywood movies.”

Clawson apologized afterwards, saying “I made a mistake in speaking before being fully briefed and I apologize. I’m a quick study, but in this case I shot an air ball.”

Clawson is a newly elected representative for Florida’s 19th Congressional District. He replaced former representative Trey Radel, who took leave after pleading guilty to cocaine possession.

Found on Twitter via Super Infirmière (French for “Super Nurse”).
Click the photo to see the source.

In French, you pronounce the name of the band AC/DC as “Ah-Say Day-say”, which happens to sound just like the phrase “Assez décès“, which means “Enough death”.

A slightly redacted and edited photo of my new driver’s license.
(Florida is America’s identity theft capital, after all.)

I now have a Florida Class E Driver’s License!

It took all of fifteen minutes, from entering the the Tampa – West Country Tax Collector Office, to showing my paperwork and having over 55 bucks and my Ontario driver’s licence, to getting my photo taken, to leaving with my new local credentials. As a licensed Canadian driver, I was took only a quick vision test; no written or practical driver’s test was required.

(If only I’d remembered that you can smile in a Florida driver’s license photo. You can’t do that for Canadian ID, as smiling throws off their facial recognition software.)

If you’re a Canadian citizen who wants to get a Florida driver’s license, the GatherGoGet site will give you all the information you need to get started.

Click the photo to read more about how it got people angry.

If you thought Jurassic Park director Steven Spielberg’s hunting down of extinct species for sport was bad, things have become much worse. Someone notify Captain Kirk!

Click the photo to see it at full size.
Photo found via “borg drone”.

Here’s a screenshot from Entertainment Weekly’s piece on Pixels, a movie that blends 1980s videogame nostalgia with the “men who failed to launch tap into their thwarted potential and become heroes” trope. Note the difference between the headline and the picture:

Three names in the headline, four people in the picture, and whaddaya know — they skipped the chick’s name. It’s not that she’s an unknown — she’s Michelle Monaghan, who’s been in Mission: Impossible III, Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Gone Baby Gone, Made of Honor, The Heartbreak Kid, Eagle Eye, Source Code, and True Detective.

She’s probably more recognizable than Josh Gad, who’s better known for his stage work (he was Elder Arnold in The Book of Mormon) and best known for his voice work — as Olaf the snowman in Frozen. Adam Sandler’s career of late has seen him in more turkeys than Stove-Top stuffing. Michelle Monaghan rates a mention in the headline, but doesn’t get one because an editor at EW is subconsciously following Peter Griffin’s maxim: “Women are not people. They are devices built by our Lord Jesus Christ for our entertainment.”

These were all on heavy rotation during the early ’90s, when I had a regular DJ gig at Crazy Go Nuts University’s Clark Hall Pub. When you’re done going through BuzzFeed’s 38 Great Alt-Rock Songs You Haven’t Thought About in 20 Years, go through this list! This one’s a little heavier on the Canadian content.

Soho: Hippychick

I’m actually surprised more songs didn’t use Smiths samples.

Bootsauce: Masterstroke

Montreal-based Bootsauce were wonderful, and yet so underappreciated.

Shamen: Move Any Mountain

Rob Bolton, a.k.a. DJ Ozone, this one’s for you!

Primus: Tommy the Cat

Long before the did the South Park theme, Primus were kicking out some very odd tunes. It’s kind of hard to believe they opened for U2. This one’s for Terry.

The Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy: Television: Drug of the Nation

Michael Franti would eventually form Spearhead. This one goes out to Colonel Brad!

KMFDM: Godlike

AWWW YISSS. One of my signature DJ tunes at Clark Hall Pub. Somehow, I conned Queen’s engineers into becoming industrial music fans.

KMFDM: Virus

Gotta love KMFDM.

They Might Be Giants: Birdhouse in Your Soul

This one always filled the dance floor.

Right Said Fred: I’m Too Sexy

This song has deep personal meaning for me. Here’s the English version…

…and here’s the version they did in (poorly translated) Spanish:

Del Tha Funkee Homosapien: Mistadobalina

This one’s for Stacy Dillon, who always requested it.

Black Sheep: The Choice is Yours

“Engine, engine number nine, on the New York subway line…”

Smashing Pumpkins: Rhinoceros

This one’s off Gish, a beautiful album from start to finish.

Me Mom and Morgenthaler: Laura

Also from Montreal, and a great (and once again, underappreciated) ska act.

Killing Joke: Millennium

After years on hiatus, Killing Joke came back — and sounding like the bands who cite them as an influence.

Nirvana: On a Plain

It’s not an early 1990s Clark Hall Pub list without a Nirvana song! Here’s one that deserved more play.

Spirit of the West: Home for a Rest

Often the last song of the night, this one got everyone going.

Ministry: Jesus Built My Hotrod

This isn’t a dance floor. It’s a mosh pit! This one’s the “Redline/Whiteline” version, a.k.a. The One True Version of this song.

Prong: Snap Your Fingers, Snap Your Neck

I still play this every now and again. It’s good “get chores done” music.

The Pixies: U-Mass

Our band, Volume, covered this one — and quite nicely, I think.

The Breeders: Cannonball

Kim Deal before her downward spiral.

The Cult: The Witch

Another track that our band, Volume, covered.

House of Pain: Jump Around

We cared about only two of their songs, but what songs they were.

Messiah: Temple of Dreams

This one’s for Anne Yourt, who loved this song.

Ned’s Atomic Dustbin: Kill Your Television

This one’s for George.

Charlatans UK: The Only One I Know

The 1991 track that help kickstart the “Madchester” sound.

Blur: There’s No Other Way and Girls and Boys

And now, some pre-Song 2 Blur.

Ween: Push Th’ Little Daisies

I’ll close with the song that best sums up my academic career.