The Adventures of Accordion Guy in the 21st Century

If Cory hasn’t pointed you there yet, let me: Real Live Preacher is a blog written by an anonymous Protestant pastor somewhere in Texas. He swears, he’s more than happy to use a loaded double-entendre (one of his entries is titled What’s in the Preacher’s Pants?, which last I checked was a game you tried to avoid playing in Catholic school) and is the complete antithesis of the pious caricature we’ve come to expect from religious figures.

(Padre, if you ever need a guest accordionist at one of your masses — and hey, I’m actually an organist by training — do drop me a line.)

It’s traditional to do “top ten”-style lists at the end of the calendar year. I notice that this year, as the blogosphere become increasingly politically polarized, the left and the right have already sighted each other in their crosshairs. The Warblogger Watch crowd will probably want to look at Pandagon.net’s Most Annoying Conservatives of 2002, while Little Green Footballs readers are more likely to prefer Right Wing News’ The Twenty Most Annoying Liberals of 2002.

All right folks, I want a nice, dirty fight. Let’s keep hitting below the belt, and keep the straw men, ad hominem attacks, inovocations of Godwin’s Law, calumny and slander comin’ till the bell rings. Anyone who mentions conflict resolution gets thrown out of the ring. Go!

I thought I had some inconvenience the last time I flew to the States, but what happened to Nick Monahan and his wife is completely inexcusable.

Tomorrow night — Saturday the 21st — is the Winter Solstice, the shortest day of the year for those of us who live in the Northern Hemisphere. What better way to celebrate a day that’s mostly darkness than with a Festival of Lights?

The Festival, now in its 14th year, is a parade with a twist. The people watching the parade walk through the streets while many of the performers are on the sidewalk, street corners and rooftops on the parade route. The procession will be accompanioed by the more mobile performers: lantern-bearers, jugglers, clowns, stilt walkers and Samba Squad (a percussion band of at least a dozen samba drummers) and wind their way through streets to the Kensington Market neighbourhood. Along the way, parade-goers will see a musical Nativity scene, a torch-lit Chanukah choir, a Kwaanza celebration, the legend of the White Buffalo Calf Woman, Raven Steals the Sun, La Befana (an Italian legend about the Winter Witch, a sort of Santa Claus-like figure), a Solstice story told through giant puppets, a giant fire-sculptue, a traditional Mummers’ play and much more.

The parade will depart from St.-Stephens-in-the-Fields Church (365 College Street West, 3 blocks west of Spadina) at 5:45 p.m. and work its way to its final destination, the park in Kensington Market near the south end of Augusta Street (the one at the corner of Augusta and Denison). I’ll probably join the parade and add a little accordion noise to the fun.

On Tuesday, I wrote a little rant about people who get offended at the mention of Christmas, and super A-list blogger James Lileks goes and writes something along the same lines.

Anyhow, Lileks is — as one would expect — in fine form. Here’s the opener to his piece:

There’s a new staple in modern newspapers: the tale of the Holiday Crank. In the past these people would be ignored, but nowadays no coverage of the season is complete without a dissenting voice. You don’t lose any points in a modern Western newsroom suggesting that the paper run profiles on people who hate Christmas. Float the notion of profiling lapsed Muslims who hold Ramadan in bemused contempt, and I suspect people would react as though you had pushed a ball of tinfoil into one of their dental fillings.

Next thing you know, he’s going to start playing the accordion and programming computers, and then where will I be?

News item:

GERMAN TWP., Ohio — A petite 17-year-old, irate after seeing three men running from her home in the wee morning hours Tuesday, sprinted outdoors barefoot, clad in pajamas, outran one of the trespassers, tackled and straddled him, then hog-tied him with a rope until police arrived minutes later.

The story also says that she gets lots of exercise being on the track and field team, the softball team and handling the family’s horses, but athleticism doesn’t always mean “ready for action”. I’ve been in scraps where out-of-shape ol’ me was playing hero while the jar-headed football-playin’ weight-liftin’ lugs who could’ve helped stood there dumbfounded.

Personally, I agree with Brian May’s assessment: I think the girl watched a lot of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

“Give a Little” takes place tonight at the Cadillac Lounge (1296 Queen Street West, just west of Dufferin). This night of funk, deep house and dub jazz is a fund-raiser for the Womens Habitat shelter and the Toronto Food Bank. DJ Slowhand will spin the deep house, Dr. J. Booty will stun us with his mad turntablism and the improv dub jazz outfit Chameleon Project will perform live. The cover is $7, but it drops to a mere $5 if you bring a non-perishable food item. You’ll have fun, and some truly deserving causes will also benefit.