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Since I married an American and travel to the States fairly often either for business or to see family and in-laws, people often ask me if I have any difficulty with U.S. Customs since I cross the border so often.

The truth is that I usually breeze through customs. Part of it is that my wife is American; the other part is that I know how to act so as not to arouse Homeland Security’s hair-trigger suspicions. Simply put, I know how to fit in.

The woodcutting below, while not a literal depiction, should give you a reasonably accurate idea of Wendy and me going through Customs at the airport:

“Do you think they’ll let us into prom, bear?”

“Sure they will. Rarr rar rar, lookit me, I live in a subdivision! Rar rarrr rarr rar I’m an Amerrrrrrican.”

[This was cross-posted to Global Nerdy.]

Say hello — and probably goodbye — to my friend, Globe and Mail writer Jeff Gray, with whom I worked at the Queen’s Journal (a.k.a. “The Urinal”), the official student paper of Crazy Go Nuts University. He BikeBerries — that is, uses his BlackBerry while bicycling:

As a columnist who has suggested that cyclists should wear helmets, and shouldn’t use iPods in downtown traffic, I can’t very well come out in favour of using cellphones and BlackBerrys on the roads. Of course you shouldn’t. And it seems that sensible people have figured this out.

Still, gliding on your bike on a little side street, with no one coming, typing “ok” and pressing send? No harm done.

Dude, it’s even easier to pull over when you’re on a bike. Just do it, or else I’m posting those photos from the Journal staff party. You know, the “tongue” ones.

“Wooooo…I am the Holy Spirit! What you are doing is a SIN!”

“Nonsense — masturbation is healthy and natural.”

“No, I meant strangling hookers.”

“Oh, right. That.”

[Image courtesy of Miss Fipi Lele.]

Update: Some quick notes…

• I didn’t compile or make these images; I found ’em, thought they were neat and posted them for everyone to see.
• You can find more images like this at Actualidad Simpson.

…gets referenced in a couple of Simpsons episodes…

Update: Some quick notes…

• I didn’t compile or make these images; I found ’em, thought they were neat and posted them for everyone to see.
• You can find more images like this at Actualidad Simpson.

The stills I have from the Simpsons episode Kamp Krusty refer to Ben Hur, Lord of the Flies and The French Lieutenant’s Woman.

Images courtesy of Miss Fipi Lele.

Update: Some quick notes…

• I didn’t compile or make these images; I found ’em, thought they were neat and posted them for everyone to see.
• You can find more images like this at Actualidad Simpson.

Here are some stills from the Simpsons episode Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington, which draws very heavily from Mr. Smith Goes to Washington:

Images courtesy of Miss Fipi Lele.

Update: Some quick notes…

• I didn’t compile or make these images; I found ’em, thought they were neat and posted them for everyone to see.
• You can find more images like this at Actualidad Simpson.

The Simpsons episode with the soap box derby — Saturdays of Thunder — refers to a number of movies, starting with the title’s reference to Days of Thunder. In the stills I have, I recognize the Ben Hur references in the last two shots, but I don’t know what the other two films are. If you know, let me know in the comments!

Images courtesy of Miss Fipi Lele.