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"Don’t thank me, thank the moon’s gravitational pull."

Ah, MacGyver.

The thinking man’s hero, solving problems with his flair for cobbling together hastily improvised feats of engineering. Give the man a ten-speed bicycle, two bottles of Polish vodka, a tube of toothpast and an eggbeater, and he’ll whip up a particle accelerator. This favourite ’80’s television show of every tinkerer, hacker, engineer and evil chain-smoking twin sister had a dedicated legion of fans, including my friend Herb, who went so far as to get the license plate MCGYVER (unfortunately, the 7-character limit on Ontario custom plates meant that he could only get an approximation of the great impromptu inventor’s name).

Would you believe that there’s a Web site that houses every MacGyver episode? You’ll need my friend Bram Cohen’s great P2P software, BitTorrent, to download the files (they’re in .AVI format, as in the dreaded Windows Media Player). If need help deciding which episode you’d like to see, you might want to consult this episode guide.

I’m going to have to download the series finale, which I missed. From what I hear, it involves time travel and supposedly they reveal MacGyver’s first name. Now that’s must-see TV!

(This entry’s title isn’t a MacGyver quote that was ever used in the real show — it was from a MacGyver episode that the Simpsons were watching.)

An aside

Second-string TV shows seem to be a recurring theme this week. Last night at the Thirsty People of Toronto Meeting, one NTN Trivia game that had me completely stumped was one centred entirely around the Naval legal action series JAG. I’ve seen only three episodes, and one was at Kansai International Airport, and it was dubbed into Japanese. The only two things I know about the show are:

  • The main character, the JAG, is a Judge Advocate General.
  • His co-star, Catherine Bell, as my housemate Paul would say, is hawwwwwwwwwt.

[Mucho thanks to skimpIzu from the #infoanarchy IRC channel on freenode.net!]

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New Girl: Reloaded

I still get email about the New Girl story. I got one today, and that prompted me to look at the comments for the entry and see if there were any new ones since I last looked.

There turned out to be twenty comments that are new to me (for a grand total of 193), the funniest being this one from Chuck:

I met my wife on-line. She told me she was 14. I told her I was rich. Boy were we surprised when we first met.

Now that’s comedy.

While I’m making Matrix references, here’s a shout-out for New Girl, courtesy of Morpheus:

Photo: Laurence Fishburne giving the finger.

It’s “Laurence Fishburne flips the bird day” on AccordionGuy! “Isn’t it…worth overusing a picture for?”
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The best "Matrix: Reloaded" review ever

A LiveJourno named hipstomp has a pretty funny review of The Matrix: Reloaded, which includes this observation about Morpheus:

Morpheus got fat. Holy hell did he put some poundage on. I’m thinking Morpheus ate the red pill, and it was so good he decided to wash it down with another 5,000. Either that or they opened a Burger King in Zion right by his place.

Word up Morpheus needs to get off the Nebuchadnezzer and onto a fucking stairmaster. That scene where he’s fighting the Twins, I kept expecting jelly donuts to fall out of his pockets. Like every time he hits the ground there’s a squishhh noise and all this jelly squirts out. Getting punched with powdered sugar on his face. By the end of the movie I thought he was going to eat one of the Sentinels.

Fishburne ain’t gonna like this, and he’s been getting pretty huffy with Matrix critics already.

Photo: Laurence 'Morpheus' Fishburne gives the camera the finger.

He took the Fat Pill. “I believe…that tonight…I can devour…a Fat Kreme. Isn’t that…worth driving to the mall for? Isn’t that…worth skipping the gym for?”

[Thanks to Tyler “praytothemachine” Weir for the pointer.]

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One hour of tasty beats

My friend and synth-and-accordion partner in crime, Karl Mohr, recently made a pretty nice one-hour mix of funk, big beat, dance and lounge-y music. If you’ve got good bandwidth and 43 megabytes of hard drive space, you can download the .mp3 file from his site [the link leads straight to the .mp3 file].

It’s pretty good music for working to; I’m doing some PHP and ASP coding as I’m listening to it. I’m sure it’s a pretty nice for driving, biking or walking as well.

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Hands up everyone who saw this coming

The four words that should stick a dagger of icy fear into your heart:

Sk8r Boi: The Movie.

Now I really have to make sure it’s in the accordion repertoire.

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The "little black book" taken to a whole new level

Content advisory: this entry is about software that’s billed as “100% Free Sex-Trick Management Software For Gay Men” and is pretty raunchy. There are no explicit photos, but the screenshots of the application contain hardcore sexual terms.

It was a cliched device in situation comedies of the seventies: the “little black book”, an address book containing the names and phone numbers of women with a rating, often expressed as a number of stars, beside each name (“Karen? She gets four stars, fer sure”). The little black book that sticks out most in my memory is the one belonging to Larry Dallas, Jack Tripper’s best friend from Three’s Company.

(Like many popular American television offerings, Three’s Company is an Americanized version of a British television show, Man About the House. My favourite Three’s Company episode is where they make a pointless fuss over a misunderstood double-entendre.)

Now that we’re living in the age of incredibly affordable computing power and the Internet, someone has decided that it’s time for the little black book to enter the 21st century. To that end, he has written iTrick, which he bills as “100% Free Sex-Trick Management Software For Gay Men”. It’s written in Java, so it’ll run under Windows, Mac OS X and GNU/Linux.

According to its features list, it tracks:

  • Who he is.
  • What he looks like (stats, pictures, website, etc.).
  • What you two did (in lurid detail, no less), and how good the sex was.
  • How to get in touch with him.
  • If he’s a flake/fake and wasted your time.

iTrick, being a database-based application, can create a number of reports for you:

  • A “Top 10” report that ranks your tricks (“so you always know who’s the best cocksucker, etc.”)
  • What’s the average age of your trick? Cock size?
  • On average, how many times per week do you hookup?
  • How often do you play safe?
  • How often do you fuck, suck, kiss, swallow, etc.?

Of course, all this is possible using conventional paper-and-pen methods. iTrick, being social software, apparently networks with other iTrick users so you can search the iTrick community to check that the guy you met online is really who he says he is. You can also speed up the pickup process by using the feature that gathers “your stats, contact information, and as many pictures as you like in a single file that you can e-mail to other iTrick users.”

Ironically enough, iTrick has some privacy protection features as well. You can set it up so that it can only be run if you enter a password first, and its database is encrypted.

I’m going to leave the more philosophical points of iTrick for discussion in the comments. Feel free to chime in. In case you can’t think of anywhere to begin, may I suggest:

  • How come the only way you can rate someone as a person is “flake/not a flake”?
  • Ratings on a scale of 1 to 10 are always tricky. What is that little difference that determines whether someone’s ass is a 7 or 8?
  • There a field into which you enter the duration of your encounter. Who the hell times sexual encounters?
  • What kind of life are you leading that you need a database to keep track of sexual encounters?

What I may comment on at length in my other blog (The Happiest Geek on Earth) is the user interface design. Frankly, it’s a complete mess, and as a guy who makes a living doing user interface programming (and even user interface makeovers), I must speak out. Take a look at these screenshots (these are for the Mac version)…

(The term “screenshots”, when used in a discussion of iTrick, takes on whole new double-entendre-powered dimensions.)

Photo: Screenshot from iTrick's 'Edit Hookup' window.

The “Edit Hookup” window. Here’s where you rate the encounter, which in this case is a bathroom redezvous in San Francisco’s Castro district. If this encounter took place in a Microsoft iLoo, you could probably make your entry as it happened!

The problem with iTrick’s user interface is that it’s just a bunch of information thrown together without any sense of organization. In the Edit Hookup window above, the name of the person with whom you hooked up is displayed only in the title bar of the window, which is normally ignored by users. It would help if the window were more cleanly divided into sections with the most quickly scannable information placed first: perhaps date and place first, followed by ratings, then safety, then comments.

Photo: Screenshot from iTrick's 'Edit Trick' window.

The “Edit Trick” window. Here’s where you rate the guy, who in this case is Bathroom Boy from the encounter documented in the window above.

Once again, in the Edit Trick window, Although this window seems to show a little more organization, there are too many controls thrown at you all at once.

Photo: Screenshot from iTrick's 'Search Community' window.

The “Search Community” window. Here’s where the social software aspect kicks in.

This is probably the best-designed window in the application. I’d probably separate this into two windows, however: one where you entered your trick’s screen name and email address, and one where the search results are displayed.

If iTrick sounds like software that could be part of your digital lifestyle, you can download it from the iTrick site.

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If you meet the Buddha on the road and he asks you a smart-assed question, ask a smarter assed-one back

If I ever become even half as clever as the student in this comic, I will die a happy man.