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The top twenty

According to Webalizer, here are the top twenty search phrases that have led to kode-fu.com:

1. vb string functions

2. string functions vb

3. string functions in vb

4. vb data types

5. vb math functions

6. c# string functions

7. accordian

8. annalee newitz

9. accordion guy

10. mash-ups

11. stagette (for which I still have the #1 Google entry!)

12. vba string functions

13. female pipe smoker

14. rosetta stone

15. string compare in vb

16. vb string conversion

17. c# math functions

18. funny czech phrases

19. how to play accordian

20. joey devilla

Once again, as a public service announcement: the word is spelled accordiOn, not accordiAn.

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Stupid online comic of the month

Just in case you thought only “The Left” were masters of ham-fisted witless diatribes attempting to pass for humour, may I present The Leftersons (“America’s favorite liberal family!”). The Leftersons are a nuclear family of sorts — there’s an unnamed Mom and Dad, a daughter named Hillary, and a son named Stalin (Leftersons cartoonist Colin Hayes is probably still slapping his knee over that witty little gem). There’s also a goldfish who plays the double role of being the only sensible (read: extremely conservative) member of the family and Greek chorus as well as Stalin’s pal Tommy, a sensible (read: extremely conservative) African-American (well, Stalin calls him “African-American”, to which he replies “You mean black?”) whose role models include Clarence Thomas, Thomas Sowell and Dr. Tony Evans.

Hayes’ line-drawing style is pretty good, and he owes it to the fact that he’s been drawing since the age of four. The problem is that it looks as though his writing style is stuck at that age, as he goes straight for “Liberals are stoopid, just ’cause” angle rather than spelling out his case. Sir, I’ve read lots of P.J. O’Rourke, and you’re no P.J. O’Rourke.

Here’s a quick tour of some Leftersons strips:

If you really must read this nonsense, you can check cruise on down to the archive. Please remember that going there is your choice, and I take no responsibility for what happens afterwards.

The Adventures of Accordionguy in the 21st Century: reading crap so you don’t have to.

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Recovering lost stories, one at a time

I’ve mentioned earlier that the database behind Blogger (the Web service that I use to maintain this weblog) has lost a number of my entries. As Murphy’s Law would have it, some personal favourites had vanished. It is only thanks to the modern miracle of recordable CD-ROMs and good backing-up habits that I have been able to recover these stories and get them re-entered. Here are some that I’ve put back online:

Breach of Security. November 2001: A con man comes to my house…twice. Hilarious-in-retrospect stuff ensues.

The con man from another world! The follow-up to Breach of Security.

Konichiwa, 2002! Fourteen years’ worth of New Years’ Eve stories.

They’re not “strippers”, they’re “Naked-Americans”. February 2002: Peepshows and accordions go together like bondage gear and Cheez Whiz. And by that, I mean really, really well.