For the record

by Joey deVilla on April 11, 2003

For the record, here’s the posting that got noticed by Whistleblower and started the whole New Girl brouhaha, with New Girl’s name and the photo removed.

(For extra-special fun, check out this Google search on the phrase “blogs save lives”.)

I promise that this will be one of the few gushy-sickly-sweet postings you’ll ever see in this blog. In seventeen months of blogging, I’m entitled to one such post. Bear with me, willya?

Top Ten Things About New Girl

10. She insists she’s not a goth. She wears mostly black (“But I wear pink too!” she says). She has a lot of PVC clothing. She likes EBM, darkwave and synthpop music (she helped do the promotions for Synthpop Goes The World last year). She has a credit on the alt.goth.fashion FAQ. All the bar staff at the goth bars in town know her.

But nooooo, she insists she’s not a goth. Nope. Nu-uh.

Riiiiiiight.

9. She looooves videogames. For her 16th birthday, she asked for a Super Nintendo, and she’s the proud owner of a PlayStation 2 (yay, because I don’t own one). She can probably mop the floor with me in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. While watching TV the other day, we saw the ad for the new ninja game and turned to me and said “we have got to rent that one.”

As for PC-based games, I got her hooked on Freedom Force, and she now curses at my computer whenever El Diablo’s aim is off (that’s why I call him “El Asso Wipe-o”, dear…)

8. She looooves meat, especially hamburgers. She doesn’t trust vegetarians or vegans (“Eat an animal, wuss”). She has a $150 gift certificate for The Keg, and we’re going to be ordering like this: “Just shave the fur, saw off the horns, wipe its ass and put it on a plate!”

Okay, maybe we won’t be like that, but she thought that line was funny.

7. She’s a Montreal Girl. Montreal Girls, especially those who hung out at Les Foufounes Electriques (a great club — the name literally translates as “The Electric Buttocks”) and the Bar Formerly Known As La Nausee (“Nausea” — cheap beer, great music, just don’t use the can), are cooler than the other side of the pillow. (For those of you familiar with this lovely city, she’s a Traf girl.)

6. She loves cartoons. She can quote The Simpsons and Invader Zim (which is hard to come by up here in Soviet Canuckistan), knows what line of business Hank Hill is in and loves anime too.

She’s also a Hello Kitty fiend. I’ll have to get her the Hello Kitty Tarot card deck for her birthday.

5. She’s a geek’s dream date. She’s a programmer with a computer engineering degree from UBC. Just the kind of girl that Roast Beef from Achewood would appreciate:

Graphic: Roast Beef from Achewood says 'I would ideally like to meet a lady with a strong Java/C++ background but maybe PHP is your thing!'

As a matter of fact, she does have a strong Java/C++ background. PHP is her thing; she’s the webmistress at Alliance Atlantis. Free movie passes, whoo-hoo!

4. She looooves going out clubbing, drinking and dancing and hanging out at home with our computers. “Joey, I wanna go to Velvet tonight!” “Joey, I wanna learn OpenGL programming!” We’re going to get along just fine.

3. She has a Yamaha synth dork guitar-style keyboard like I do! Long before I became the Accordion Guy, I was the Synth Dork. Having spent my teenage years in the eighties and watching too many Howard Jones videos, I didn’t want to be trapped behind a stack of keyboards like Keith Emerson, so I got into playing on those keyboards that you could wear just like guitars (like the second guy from the left in this photo). If you’re going to play the uncoolest instrument, you should do it in the uncoolest way possible. I still am the proud owner of a wedge-shaped Yamaha SHS-200.

It turns out that New Girl, synthpop fiend that she is, has the smaller version of my keyboard, the Yamaha SHS-10 (here’s a picture of the beast)

You realise, of course, that we’re taking the dork keyboards out on the street this summer.

2. She’s baking a pie tonight! Better yet, she used the Eric Cartman quote about pie before I could.

1. She’s cute. Spanktastically so.

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