In Today’s Edition of "The Onion"

Here’s a bang-on bit of satire from this week’s edition of The Onion:

An excerpt from the article:

Critics of Intelligent Falling point out that gravity is a provable

law based on empirical observations of natural phenomena. Evangelical

physicists, however, insist that there is no conflict between Newton’s

mathematics and Holy Scripture.

“Closed-minded gravitists cannot find a way to make Einstein’s

general relativity match up with the subatomic quantum world,” said Dr.

Ellen Carson, a leading Intelligent Falling expert known for her work

with the Kansan Youth Ministry. “They’ve been trying to do it for the

better part of a century now, and despite all their empirical

observation and carefully compiled data, they still don’t know how.”

“Traditional scientists admit that they cannot explain how

gravitation is supposed to work,” Carson said. “What the gravity-agenda

scientists need to realize is that ‘gravity waves’ and ‘gravitons’ are

just secular words for ‘God can do whatever He wants.'”

Some evangelical physicists propose that Intelligent Falling

provides an elegant solution to the central problem of modern physics.

“Anti-falling physicists have been theorizing for decades about the

‘electromagnetic force,’ the ‘weak nuclear force,’ the ‘strong nuclear

force,’ and so-called ‘force of gravity,'” Burdett said. “And they tilt

their findings toward trying to unite them into one force. But readers

of the Bible have already known for millennia what this one, unified

force is: His name is Jesus.”