Urinefatuated

(Warning: Bathroom humour ahead.)

Our band’s rehearsal space — kindly loaned to us by Jerry Rabba, whose family owns and runs the Rabba

chain of 24-hour convenience stores — is a small building, more

cottage than house, located in Mississauga, the next city west of Accordion City. Its plumbing is disconnected, so we make use of the bathroom at the Starbucks next door.

Unfortunately, Starbucks closes at 11 p.m., and our recording session

on Sunday was stretching late into the night. Luckily, we’re all boys

in the band (so far — we’re looking for a bass player, and for

variety, we’d like a female one) and are thus equipped to relieve

ourselves in the woods out back. The -20 degree C (-4 degrees F)

temperatures make it uncomfortable, but at least it’s possible.

At the end of the session, Pete and I went outside to do our business.

From the distance, Pete yelled “I’m writing my name in the snow!” Not

having engaged in this fun activity in years, I decided to do the same.

In fact, I tried to do one better; having drunk a venti (Starbucks-ese

for “extra large”) hot chocolate only an hour earlier, I figured that I

had enough “ink” to write something more than just a simple “Joey”. I

thought I’d try “Joey + Wendy” (yes, that’s The Redhead’s

real name). It’s not as romantic as carving our initials in a tree, but

I’m the resourceful type who likes to improvise using the materials at

hand.

I think I need to come up with a simple nickname for her, at least for

peeing purposes. The “E” and “Y” in Joey have plenty of strokes, and

Wendy’s “W” and “E” also demand a considerable amount of urine (not

mention a fair bit of hip dexterity) to spell out. I was barely able to

get half of “D” before I finished.

Maybe I should’ve had a Super Big Gulp.

I would have taken a picture, but my camera’s battery was as out of

juice as I was. I’m sure some of you consider this a fortunate turn of

events.

Most women would fail to see the romance and humour in this gesture;

luckily for me, The Redhead is not most women. I told her about this

last night over the phone, and she responded with unstoppable laughter

for over a minute.

I’ll take that as a “thank you”.