“I have NO ONE to love!”

There’s a reason why these are so cheap — and for once, it’s not a bad one.
Click the photo to find out why everyone (except the chicken) wins when you buy one of these.

Yesterday, after picking up the last parts of Valentine’s Day dinner, I got in line at the cashier behind a guy who had just finished paying. I have no idea what happened just prior to my arrival, so I caught only the very last thing he said to the woman at the cash register:

“I have no one to love!” he exclaimed.

He immediately grabbed his two items — one of those store-cooked rotisserie chickens that for reasons unknown to most people are always cheaper to buy than make yourself, and a six-pack of beer — and hustled out of the store at top speed. He moved so quickly and the exit was so close that I didn’t even have a chance to say “It gets better,” or something similar.

It was now my turn at the cashier. From my basket, I pulled out two kinds of pate and a chocolate bear holding a big red heart.

“You have someone to love,” the cashier said.

“Maybe these are for me,” I said with a smile. “Maybe I love myself a lot…like Kanye.”

She gave me a concerned look.

“No, I’ve got someone. Getting married next month.”

The Valentine’s bear I bought.

I hope that he’s just having a bad post-breakup moment, which we’ve all had, and not in need of more serious help. I hope he’ll be all right.

Take it from me, dude. It gets better.