Chuck Norris Identifies the One Man Who Can Kick His Ass

Chuck Norris has been riding a wave of fame recently thanks to the “Chuck Norris Facts” meme that’s been floating around the ‘net for the past little while. He’s parleyed it into appearances on talk shows, and now he’s got a columnist gig over at the WorldNetDaily, the online rag that’s so right-wingnut that even most conservatives treat it like a Weekly World News (Current headline, I kid you not: “Bigfoot tracks indicate salsa lessons”).

In his inaugural column, Chuck wants to set the record straight about the powers and abilities that people claim he has:

Alleged Chuck Norris Fact:“Chuck Norris’ tears can cure cancer. Too bad he never cries. Ever.”

There was a man whose tears could cure cancer or any other disease, including the real cause of all diseases – sin. His blood did. His name was Jesus, not Chuck Norris.

If your soul needs healing, the prescription you need is not Chuck Norris’ tears, it’s Jesus’ blood.

Apparently, he doesn’t buy into that evolution thing, either.

After reading the article, I was inspired to create the graphic below, which depicts the man who not only can kick Chuck’s ass, but afterwards can turn water into a cold refreshing post-ass-kicking brewski:

Click the picture for a full-size kick-ass Messiah.