Accordionizing the Eschaton

I was busy cleaning up the house and getting ready for the arrival of Wendy and her parents (2:20 this afternoon) when someone came to the front door. Normally, I’m not bothered by door-to-door “spammers”; I’m usually safe from them at the Tucows offices. I’m glad that my house has a front door intercom with which I can screen out door-to-door salesleeches, Jehovah’s witnesses and the like.

I hit the “talk” button and the conversation went like this…

Me: Hello?

Guy: Hi, I was going door-to-door — I tried to reach your neighbours but they weren’t home — and I wanted to talk to you about The Rapture and the Great Tribulation…

Me: I’m very sorry, but I’m on my way out the door. Look could you, er, come by later?

Guy: Sure. I was wondering if you…

Me: Oh, I know about the Last Days. I read Left Behind, see, and I fully expect to be pulled away in The Rapture. I think that with everything the way it is in the world right now, it could happen really soon; the signs are there! Maybe you could come by for coffee later and we cou…

…and that’s when I let go of the intercom’s “talk” button.

He buzzed three more times, each buzz growing in length and sounding more desperate, but by then, I’d started scrubbing the toilet.

To the poor fella out there: Thank you for the opportunity to indulge in a little birthday prankery. Best present so far!

To those of you who were wondering if there’s a Chick tract on the topic: of course there is! You get bonus points for correctly guessing that it contains a reference to the Catholic church as “The Whore of Babylon”.

And to to my Evangelical friends: Real Rapture believers don’t buy green bananas!