Excerpt from Esquire’s "The Rules: A Man’s Guide to Life

Esquire’s little black book, The Rules: A Man’s Guide to Life, is an awesome stocking-stuffer. The beauty of books like this, which simply dispense advice in little bites, is that they’re fun to read at the Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanzaa/Festivus party right after you’ve opened them. Some of the rules:

Rule 3:

Do not trust a man who calls the bathroom “the little boys’ room”.

Rule 13:

The team mascot sleeps alone.

Rule 21:

Talk half as much as you listen.

Rule 22:

If you have been drinking, arrested, or touring a hostile land full of gun-toting fundamentalists, or if you are the lead singer of Sugar Ray, talk one-fifth as much as you listen.

Rule 34:

People will compliment you on the cheap artwork you purchased at IKEA, but it will feel hollow.

Rule 45:

The soft taco is the only taco that matters.

Rule 56:

No mammals on the sweaters. Or belts.

Rule 63:

Never trust an act of civil disobedience led by a disc jockey.

Rule 72:

A man whose belt is fastened on the last hole is a desperate and resourceless-looking man.