Tonight’s events

It’s a busy night in Accordion City, what with:

The official naming of my house. Okay, so it’s not really a major event to people other than me, Paul or Kenji. But hey, it’s my blog, dammit!

The new name of the house is Big Trouble in Little China. It’s happily tucked into a nice pocket neighbourhood inside the Spadina Chinatown (in Accordion City, there are three Chinatowns, baby!) and there’s always some kind of trouble cooking at my house.

The Thirsty People of Toronto meeting. The TPT, as we like to call it, are an organization devoted to regularly gathering at Accordion Cuty’s fine drinking establishments and creating a whole mess of mayhem. Here’s an excerpt from the charter:

We, members of the TPT, being of sound mind and good faith, recognize the mission put unto us by our Lord Jebus the creator, and his agents of goodwill towards human kind, Hops, Malt, Barely, Oats and Corn, Juniper, Sugar cane, and Grapes.

We hold the following beliefs as being self evident, and central to humanity.

IT IS WRONG

to be sober and orderly.

to assume.

to let any form of drinking to get in the way of work or professional duties.

to let any form of work or professional responsibilities get in the way of drinking.

to go home at a reasonable hour.

to be responsible while consuming a beverage.

to drink alone, unless absolutely necessary.

to pooh-pooh any board game brought by a TPT member.

to pay more than $8 (Canadian) for a drink in a beverage establishment (does not include pitchers or doubles).

to expect minutes to be taken at meetings.

to diss any other member of the TPT for any acts that may occur when beverages are ingested.

to berate, mock, or poke fun at another member’s hat, no matter how silly.

to berate, mock, or poke fun at another member’s fashion crimes, no matter how hideous, unless seconded by another member.

to stiff other members with a bar tab.

to not harass law enforcement when leaving a beverage establishment.

to take the name of Jebus, our Lord, in vain.

to write charters, or anything even semi-important, while consuming beverages.

to perform stupid beverage tricks unless specifically requested.

to allow strange stalking types to become members.

to scream “I am the shiznitz of Dublin!” while sober.

to arrive dead.

to order Laker beer.

to piss off bar staff by ordering overly complex, extremely girly, or annoying to make drinks

to respect your elders.

to miss a TPT meeting (excluding your own death).

Tonight’s meeting takes place at Tortilla Flats, which is at Queen and Spadina, crawling distance from Big Trouble in Little China.

Kick Ass Karaoke at the Bovine Sex Club. The best damned karaoke night in town takes place once a month, and tonight’s the night! This is not your father’s Karaoke, unless your dad is Ozzy Osbourne.

Ladies and gentlemen, your host, Mr. Carson T. Foster.

Kick Ass links: