Fake blogs of famous writers

Lying Motherfucker is a cute collection of weblogs that supposedly belong to famous writers. Some examples…

D.H. Lawrence:

I began to lay the table, hastily at first then more slowly as I placed each long, firm piece of cutlery with deliberation. We were eating batter-pudding and jam.

“Take your pudding in your hand,” said Mother in a short breath.

I held myself back, so as not to blunder brutally through each quivering mouthful. Some distance away could be heard the rhythmic braying of a merry-go-round, and the tooting of a horn as it was pulled and released by a skilful hand.

Dr. Seuss:

Asleep, yes asleep,

Into our bed I creep.

Though I’ve still got shoes on

And my foot is asleep.

Where’s my wallet? My hat?

Did I let out the cat?

Who cares about that?

Wifey’s raring to go and wants hot Seuss action

I can tell when she snores and calls me a twat.

“No,” she yawns. “Not tonight. Not today.”

I’ll do it myself, then. I’m better anyway.

Edward Gorey:

Other news – realized I have multiple copies of The Best of the Carpenters. Concerned what this will do to “street cred.”