One of Our Muscle Men is Missing

My personal trainer found a sponsor for his entry into a bodybuilding competition and hasn’t been seen since. No one — not even his co-workers at the gym — know where he is. Emil (one of the trainers) and I discussed this.

Emil: Hey there. Say, you lost some weight?

Me: I did?

Emil: Since I last saw you. You look thinner, especially about the face.

Me: Well, you’re the second person to notice my getting into shape. You’re not as cute, but thank you.

Emil: Heh. The workouts going well for you?

Me: Yeah, and the meal plan that Mike set up for me helped, too.

Emil: Ah, Mike. We [points to a co-worker] were just talking about him. Nobody knows where he is.

Me: He didn’t even tell the managers he was leaving?

Emil: No, he just…disappeared [makes a gesture with both hands, as if disappearing in a puff of smoke].

Me: Weird.

Emil: And it’s hard to imagine him disappearing. You can’t easily hide that much muscle. When he was training for the competition, he got really huge.

Me: Drinking all that WheyDelicious pays off.

Emil: “Delicious chocolate flavour!”

Me: Every now and again I throw in a scoop of ice cream. It’s not bad.

Emil: It’s pricey. But Mike said he could get it for me cheaper than retail.

Me: You know, he said the same thing to me too. And in a under-the-table kind of way — as if he were a guy dealing pot. He said he could get me Nitro-Tech bars and WheyDelicious at a serious discount.

Emil: Yeah, he always got quiet whenever he talked about the deals on supplements.

Me: You’d think there was a protein mob.

Emil: A creatine mafia.

Me: A cartel that controls all the whey, soy and red meat in the world. Big Protein.

Emil: Maybe he double-crossed ’em.

Me: Mess the with protein mob, pay the price.