The Best of “Accordion Guy”
There are around 5,000 articles in The Adventures of Accordion Guy in the 21st Century. This list represents the best of them — they’re the ones of which I’m the most proud, ones that were well-received by the readers and the ones that best represent the blog.
I’m still working on this page, so it’s not a complete list of my best entries. Keep checking this page every now and again, and you’ll see more stuff.
2007
A Craigslist Wedding
“Hey,” said the Ginger Ninja, who was sitting on the couch, sifting through Craigslist Toronto for yard sales. “Get a look at this.”
She pointed at her laptop’s screen, which displayed this ad:
We are two young women who are coming from America to get married, have it scheduled for this Friday and are looking for two volunteers to serve as witnesses at the ceremony at 6pm. It should be very brief.
We’ve been together for a while, are completely in love, but our families are very religious and do not support same-sex unions, and we are just looking for two individuals to help us make it “official.”
If you are available to be at Toronto City Hall this Friday (June 8th) at 5:30pm, we would greatly appreciate it…
“Hmm,” I said. “Sounds interesting. I could stand to do a good deed. Did you want to go?”
“Yeah,” she said. “It sounds like it would be a good thing to do.”
Schrodinger’s LOLcat
Justin Wick’s idea, Kevin Steele’s cat, Dan Lurie’s Photoshoppery and this blog’s biggest hit.
2006
Look Before You Poop
In which our hero uses the wrong bathroom while at Logan Airport.
Belfast Travel Diary
A couple of funny things happened to me on the way to Belfast…
The “First Corinthians” Tramp Stamp
Just how silly can a lower back tattoo get? This silly…
The Dangers of “World of Warcraft”
You knew that World of Warcraft was addictive, but maybe you didn’t know it was this addictive!
Chuck Norris’ Toilet Paper
The only kind of toilet paper a real badass uses.
Bikini Girls of the Apocalypse
The best “End Times” joke photo I’ve ever seen.
The Love/Hate T-Shirt
One of the most linked-to articles in this blog, featuring a t-shirt sporting some clever mirror image writing.
Remembering Dad.
An elegy for my father, Dr. Guillermo O’Hara deVilla, Jr., who passed away in February 2006.
2005
The Cthulhu Circus
Family Circus comics meet H.P. Lovecraft captions.
Archie Goes Goth.
“It’s a little-known fact that your subculture is over the minute it becomes a plot point in an Archie Comic.”
“Pop Quiz, Hotshot…”
In the wake of all the tut-tutting over how ill-prepared both government and citizenry were for Katrina, I came up with a list of questions that ask if you’re ready for life’s emergencies, both big and small. My father-in-law was so impressed by this entry, he mentioned it during his speech at my wedding.
Cats and Lightsabers
One of the most popular Photoshopped pictures on this blog.
At Last, My Blog Lands Me in Hot Water!
In response to an entry titled Anyone know any good Toronto movers?, one commenter recommended that I avoid Quick Boys Moving. Quick Boys saw this post and made a threatening phone call to me, demanding that I take down the post. Here’s what happened.
When Craigslist Beat the Toronto Star Classifieds
When my UK-based landlord asked me to help him find a new tenant for my old place, I placed ads in both Craiglist (for free) and the Toronto Star classifieds (for CDN$520.66 for a week). The ad in the Star got 55 responses, while the Craigslist ad got 85 responses when I stopped counting. Good reading if you’re looking for tenants in the Toronto area.
Movin’ Out
After 6 years in a gorgeous house in the very hip and central Queen and Spadina area of Toronto, it was time to move out (I was getting married in a couple of months). This is my ode to my former abode.
Relics
While packing up for a move, I found all kinds of things in the storage room in the basement, including mementoes from past girlfriends and uhm…shall we call them “dalliances”?
This is What Daylight Saving Time Feels Like
What “spring forward” feels like, captured in a single photo.
2004
The Breakup Style of PowerPoint
Edward Tufte argues that PowerPoint has degraded the way we communicate in business meetings. I suggest that this degradation in communication has spilled over into romance.
2003
Worst Date Ever
She was a pretty blonde waitress with an English accent who worked at the cafe I frequented. I had a crush on her from the first moment laid eyes on her, and it turns out that she had a thing for me, too.
Unfortunately, that’s one of the few things that went right during the relationship. This funny story contains scenes with adult situations, violence, strong language and ABBA.
2002
Now It Can Be Told (or: How I Landed My New Client)
The date ended with me getting a smooch, a job and a punch in the head. I can’t complain.
The Star Spangled Banner and Anal Sovereignty
The accordion saves my ass from US Customs…literally!
That Syd, What a Mensch!
He’s been our family’s accountant for over twenty years because he’ not afraid to get into shouting matching with Revenue Canada or suggest roughing up my deadbeat housemate.
The Accidental Go-Go Dancer
I came to a nightclub to attend a friend’s birthday party and left with an accordion go-go dancing gig.
Stagette
The last thing I expected to do at a hacker conference in San Francisco was to end up joining a bunch of girls in a limo on a stagette.
They’re Not “Strippers”, They’re “Naked-Americans”
A visit to San Francisco’s “The Lusty Lady” with my roomate, a sex-tech writer and the author of The Lazy Crossdresser. I end up entertaining the ladies as much as they entertain me.
Konichiwa, 2002!
In which I recount what happened to me on fourteen New Year’s Eves, in reverse order, from 2002 to 1988.
2001
Breach of Security
Back in August, a new neighbour came to our house and asked to borrow some money for a tow truck. He turned out not to be a neighbour, but a con man who’d rooked me and my housemate Dan out of forty bucks each.
Months later, in what seems to have been a mistake, he visited our house again. Dan failed the “fool me one, shame on you; fool me twice shame on me” test.
This is the first entry of mine that was showcased on Boing Boing.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Jan. 17/2011 ll:30 a.m. I…WANT…TO…PLAY…YOUR….ACCORDION! It’s been sooooolong since I have held that lady in my arms….sheets of music keep pouring out of my head. People say play the piano, but then what do I do with my left hand….it just sits there wanting to do something but not kowing where to go. I eventualy did the stupid thing when the bellows were so torn that I eventually (demand from the wife because it was starting to smell mouldy – her comments – obviously not in love with the accordion) dispossed of it – I saw it sitting lonely on the curb waiting for garbage pick-up – a horrible cruel death – that instrument accompanied me at many events, including the Mundingers Accordion festival at Masssey Hall – oh so long ago -coming in second at a Kiwanis Festival in Toronto – and the dredgery of admitting I played the accordion while my buddies played guitars (however I eventually ended up in a garage band with the accordion and playing rhythum guitar – best days of my life – with the exception of my marriage and my first child. I am Ukranian/Polish )heavier on the Ukey part – in our culture when you are born the doctor picks you up by the ankles slaps you on the ass – if you start to cry, he puts you down and IMMEDIATELY puts an accordion on your chest and the first request will probably be a polka or a cholamaka – in time you will learn to down a shot of straight wiskey (eventually to experdience white lighting – HOME BREW!) I can not find an accordion anywhere – not even to borrow – I am retired you know and can’t afford the cost of even a cheap one – I guess I will just have to stare at your picture and remember when I had the similar smile that you possess and you and I can share the same feeling – enchantment. FRANK GULANOWSKI
Jooooowaaayyy, you need to update this list! 2007 was soooo long ago!
{ 1 trackback }