Accordion City has a reputation for its great blend of different nationalities, races and cultures, and it’s one of the reasons I love this place. However, there are times when the folks at City Hall, in their well-intentioned attempts to be inclusive, seem to be trying a little too hard. Case in point: how the stock photo, pictured below on the left, got photoshopped (and quite obviously, too) into the cover of the Toronto Fun Guide, pictured below on the right:

Speaking as a force of darkness – I much prefer being called that to “person of colour” – I find inclusivity-by-editing to be a little silly, if not condescending. C’mon, people! This is Toronto! If you really want a picture of an ethnically diverse family in this city, all you have to do is bring a camera to any busy public place – say any major shopping mall – and wait five minutes.

You could also just use the photo below, which features real Toronto people: a Filipino guy, an American Jewish woman and a giant pita from somewhere in the Mediterranean or Middle East. Three ethnicities, one pic!

The folks at Stillepost have been having fun re-photoshopping the Toronto Fun Guide. Here are my favourites, with my favourite one saved for last:

 Are you sure? Because we’ve got a giant phallic symbol in the middle of the city!

There’s a joke that used to make the rounds at my Catholic high school that went something like this:

A candidate for the priesthood had one final test to take before becoming a full initiate. He was seated in a chair in front of screen and an assistant some electrodes on his forehead.

“It’s pretty simple,” said the bishop administering the tests. “We’re going to show you some pictures, and if you’re sexually aroused by any of them, the electrodes will pick that up and a buzzer will sound.”

The test began. They showed him centerfolds from Playboy. No reaction.

The Penthouse centerfolds got shown. Still no reaction.

Finally, centerfolds from Hustler. Still no reaction.

“Very good!” the bishop said. “Why don’t you go into the next room and join the other priests?”

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT! went the buzzer.

There’s an article by David Topping at Torontoist that points to a BBC story about a rehab clinic for pedophiles that reminded me of the joke. The clinic has a test in which they show patients images and measure their arousal; the difference between the device in the story and the device in the joke is where they attach the probes.

In the clinic’s test, they show different kinds of images to the patients:

• Some are of the “You’re supposed to be aroused” type, namely consenting adults engaging in sex
• Some are of the “If you’re aroused by these, you’re a deviant” variety: violent sex, children eating fruit and running around in bathing suits.
• The rest are what the article describes as “non-suggestive images to establish a baseline of non-arousal”.

What’s funny is what those non-arousing baseline images are: “Photos of the Canadian city of Toronto.”

Photo courtesy of Failblog.
Click the photo to see the original.