When I saw the t-shirt that my wife Anitra had hung up to dry, my first instinct was to throw the “west side” gang sign and yell out “WU-TANG!”

(Clearly I’ve been watching too much Chappelle Show and listening to old-school hip-hop. And hey, I work from home, so I can yell random things whenever I like.)

However, upon closer inspection and a little thought, it occurred to me that the logo on the t-shirt wasn’t that of the Wu-Tang Clan, but of the company she just joined: Malwarebytes, the anti-malware software development company, who have an office in nearby Clearwater.

(By the way: congrats, Anitra, on landing such a sweet gig!)

I think I can be forgiven for making this mistake. Here’s the Wu-Tang Clan logo:

And here’s a close-up of the logo on the t-shirt:

Oddly enough, this close-up photo was taken just before the one at the top of this article using the same phone, but the shirt material now appears to be reddish-brown and the blue logo appears to be white. It’s “the dress” all over again! Wu-Tang!

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FOX News low-bar graphic of the day

by Joey deVilla on February 9, 2017

Chart shown by Tucker Carlson (of course) on FOX News.
Graphic found via Ally Maynard (@MissMayn). Click to see at full size.

Pictured above is a chart comparing White House Chief Strategist/Chief White Nationalist Steve Bannon and ISIS/ISIL/Daesh leader and all-around a-hole Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi. It was used as a talking point on FOX News (of course) by Tucker Carlson (double of course), the guy who pretty much established that men under 50 who wear bow ties are dicks.

The “really-low-bar comparison” is a debating trick that you should remember from high school (and should probably be left there). You could easily substitute Bannon with just about anyone — even someone who plays that most disreputable of instruments:

Photoshoppery by Yours Truly. Click to see at full size.

Ally Maynard took the Photoshoppery in the opposite direction and replaced the right-hand column with an even bigger villain:

Photoshoppery by Ally Maynard (@MissMayn). Click to see at full size.

Thanks to Ally Maynard for the find!

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This happened in the wee hours this morning about a 20-minute drive from my place. The Tampa Bay Times reports:

Officials say the man was sleeping in a Dumpster early Wednesday morning when the waste management driver deposited the contents of the Dumpster into the truck.

The driver was making his rounds when he heard the man’s call for help, officials say.

The man was pulled from the truck and taken to St. Joseph’s Hospital in Tampa, where he is in stable condition, Tampa Fire Rescue spokesman Jason Penny said.

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It’s official: after a 50-50 yea/nay vote in the Senate, Vice President Pence cast the tiebreaking vote, making her the new Secretary of Education. Normally, when someone lands a big job, your first thought might be “well, that person must nailed the job interview!”

Not this time. The Daily Show has a pretty good summary of the Senate confirmation hearings in which she was interviewed about her qualifications and ideas. You’d never be hired if you were this unprepared for the interview or provided such evasive non-answers…unless you had some kind of advantage over the hiring organization:

If you like to dig a little deeper — and as a reader of this blog, the odds of that are good — here are videos featuring her being questioned by Senators Elizabeth Warren, Bernie Sanders, Al Franken, Maggie Hassan, and Chris Murphy at her confirmation hearing. Be very worried, because we’re in for more of this over the next four years.

And in case you were wondering:
I know what a bad job interview looks like, because I’ve interviewed candidates who performed as badly, and hey, I’ve even been one myself.

Elizabeth Warren’s interview questions

Elizabeth Warren noted at the time of the confirmation hearings, Ms. DeVos had neither yet completed the ethics form nor submitted it to the committee for review. She would sign it two days later, after the hearings.

Warren opened with this statement:

The Secretary of Education is essentially responsible for managing a trillion-dollar student loan bank and distributing 30 billion dollars in Pell grants to students each year. The financial futures of an entire generation of young people depend on your department getting that right.

And followed with these questions:

  • Do you have any experience running a loan program of the size that’s were talking about (on the order of a trillion dollars), or even one that is one-thousandth the size (on the order of a billion dollars)?
  • Have you or someone in your family had to take out a student loan?
  • Your boss settled for $25 million in a case in which former students sued him for conning them into going to his fake for-profit university. What are your ideas to prevent federal funding to going to similar diploma mills?
  • There are already laws on the books that prevent career colleges from getting federal funds unless they can prove that they’re actually preparing their students for gainful employment and not cheating them. Will you enforce these laws?

If you want to see some of the worst answers I’ve seen in a job interview, you’ll want to watch this:

Bernie Sanders’ interview questions

  • How much has your family contributed to the Republican Party over the years?
  • Would you even be considered for this position if those contributions were never made?
  • Would you work with me and others to make public colleges tuition-free through federal and state efforts?
  • Would you work with me to make childcare universal for working families?

Al Franken’s interview questions

  • Where do you stand on the debate on testing for proficiency vs. testing for growth?
  • Your family has a history of bankrolling groups that have anti-LGBT agendas and supporting widely-discredited gay-to-straight conversion therapy. Do you still believe in conversion therapy?
  • Do you know how much has student debt increased by in the past 8 years?

Maggie Hassan’s interview questions

  • When students with disabilities get a publicly-funded voucher to attend a private school, they often don’t receive adequate resources, and in some cases have to sign over their legal rights under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act. Do you think that families should have a recourse in the courts if their child’s education does not adequately meet their needs?
  • Will you enforce the laws that require schools to support kids with disabilities?

Christopher Murphy’s interview questions

  • Do you think that guns have any place in or around schools?

Update: A historic first

From Betsy DeVos has won Senate confirmation—after an unprecedented intervention, an article in Quartz:

It’s the first time in US history that a vice president has needed to intervene in a cabinet nominee’s confirmation.

While vice presidents have a constitutional duty to break ties in the Senate, rarely are they actually called upon to intercede. Ties are few and far between; the last one took place in 2008, when vice president Dick Cheney broke a 50-50 vote on a matter related to the federal budget. The last time the Senate was tied over any sort of presidential nomination was three decades ago: In 1986, Ronald Reagan appointed a lawyer to a federal appellate court whom Democrats contested (over his lack of qualifications, much as in DeVos’s case), and vice president George Bush had to step in and push the appointee over the line.

The bitter contest over DeVos’s confirmation may be over, but the tight vote portends a tension-riddled atmosphere greeting the new secretary once she takes office.

 

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I know I’m going to everyone who used to listen to this alt-rock classic or who went to my DJ nights at Crazy Go Nuts University’s Clark Hall Pub feel old, but I can’t let the 25th anniversary of Ministry’s Jesus Built My Hotrod pass without mention. Go ahead: crank up your volume, bang your head, and ding-a-ding-dang your dang-a-long-ling-long!

Here’s the full-length “Redline/Whiteline” version, which used to get the mosh pit (something no longer allowed in the present fun-depleted “Sunday school picnic for Celine Dion fans” version of the pub) going on the dance floor:

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Click the photo to see the ad.

The melodica is a wind instrument for keyboard players. It looks like a small piano keyboard with a plastic tube attached to one end, and as a reed instrument, has a sound similar to the harmonica or accordion. If you’ve never heard one before, here’s “Human Jukebox” playing Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody on the melodica:

A man who lives near Toronto’s Leslieville neighborhood has a melodica made by Hohner (who also make decent harmonicas and accordions), and the ad he placed on Kijiji is a little bit sad and a little bit funny:

Some asshole from NYC came to town, slept with my girlfriend and left the most annoying instrument known to man (and/or woman – it’s 2017) at my house. Don’t ask.

So I want it gone. Much like him, the instrument is useless. But here I am letting my personal bias taint the beauty of this air-blown-key-thing known as the Melodica.

It’s got a nice colour design, which I think is pretty sharp – as well as a strap for your hand to keep it steady while you play. Kind of like how that two-timing discounted pair of yoga pants played me.

I digress.

Come grab it for $100 or best offer.

Also I’ll throw in a MacBook charger, because I’m a good guy.

Here’s the Macbook charger:

Click the photo to see the ad.

The melodica he’s selling is a Hohner AIRBOARD37, and you can get it brand new from Amazon for US$99.99 with free shipping. Asking $100 Canadian for a used one is a bit much, but the deal becomes sweeter with the 85W MacBook Pro MagSafe 2 power adapter, which will set you back US$75 at the Apple Store. I assume that the guy who slept with his girlfriend also left it there.

As I write this, the ad has had over 13,500 views. If you’re in the Toronto area and want a melodica with a free MacBook power adapter (or, if you prefer to think it this was, a MacBook power adapter with a free melodica thrown in), contact this guy now!

(And to the seller: Better luck with the next girlfriend, dude. I’ve been there.)

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The look on his face says: “THIS. IS. MY. MOMENT!”

by Joey deVilla on February 3, 2017

…or, as Jamie Ross (Scotland reporter for Buzzfeed News) tweeted: “Heartfelt congratulations to this guy who must have waited a lifetime for vegetables to become news.”

To save you a step that I know you’re already contemplating: Yes, there is such as thing as the British Leafy Salads Association…

…and there seems to be some kind of fruit and vegetable shortage in the UK at the moment:

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