Categories
Florida Tampa Bay

Opening soon in Seminole Heights: Wicked Oak Barbeque!

Seminole Heights’ seal, which depicts a two-headed alligatorFor the past few months, the Florida Avenue building that housed King of the Coop and what used to be Florida Avenue Eats has been undergoing renovations. The end result is getting close: a side-by-side corner of deliciousness featuring King of the Coop’s Nashville hot chicken and new entrant Wicked Oak Barbeque’s pulled pork, pulled chicken, loaded mac and cheese and BBQ nachos.

They have a phenomenal mango barbecue sauce that works so well with their pulled pork…

…and their loaded mac and cheese is something else:

This locations puts King of the Coop and Wicked Oak a very short stumble away from Revolution Ice Cream and 82° West Distilling for drinks afterwards. I foresee some nice nights out — once we get COVID-19 under control. In the meantime, I know where I’ll be getting some take-out soon!

(For more info, see this article in Creative LoafingWicked Oak Barbecue opening new location in Seminole Heights — and follow Wicked Oak on their Facebook page.)

Categories
Florida Florida of the Day

Central Florida cities, as “Tiger King” characters

Photo collage: Toger

Categories
Florida The Current Situation

The evolution of trash icons

Graphic: “Trash” icons from windows of the years, with Florida Governor Ron DeSantis as the 2020 icon.

(For those of you not from Florida, it’s our toolbag governor.)

Categories
Florida The Current Situation

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis downplays the coronavirus threat. Two months later…

May 20, 2020: Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, toeing the Trump Administration’s line of pretending everything is fine, castigates the media for overhyping the coronavirus threat.

Photo: Governor Ron DeSantis rants at press while VP Mike Pence, behind him silently watches.

An excerpt from his rant:

You got a lot of people in your profession who waxed for weeks and weeks about how Florida was gonna be just like New York.

“Wait two weeks! Florida’s gonna be next! Just like Italy. Wait two weeks.” Well, hell, we’re eight weeks away from that, and it hasn’t happened.

So we’ve succeeded, and I think that people just don’t want to recognize it because it challenges their narrative, it challenges their assumption, so they gotta try to find a bogeyman. Maybe it’s that there are black helicopters circling the Department of Health. If you believe that, I’ve got a bridge in Brooklyn I’d like to sell you.

Graphic: A “SpongeBob SquarePants”-style title card that reads “2 months later...”

Two months after the rant:

Photo: Newscaster reports on Florida’s record-breaking COVID-19 numbers.

Nice going, Governor DeVirus.

Categories
Florida Life

If “Floridian” was a race in Dungeons and Dragons

Photo: “Floridian” as described in a Dungeons and Dragons Player’s Handbook.
It looks just like an entry from the Player’s Handbook! Tap the image to see it at full size.

Why play a human, elf, or dwarf in Dungeons and Dragons, when you can play a race that really knows how to have a good time: a Floridian?

This D&D parody page does a great job of describing the strange race that inhabits the swamps of America’s drainpipe. It’s actually pretty good — I would want to play as a floridian bard in my next D&D campaign!

Here’s its text:

Floridian

Much like tieflings carry the essence of Asmodeus, the floridians are descendants of a human bloodline cursed by the trickery domain. A floridian parent will pass along this curse to any and all offspring they create. Anyone born to at least one floridian parent is destined to become an agent of chaos themselves.

Floridian traits

As a floridian, your traits combine those of a human with uncanny traits provided by your chaotic nature:

  • Ability score increase. Your Constitution score increases by 2, and two other ability scores of your choice increase by 1.
  • Age. Floridians age similar to humans and live less than a century. However, they are likely to perish due to an accidental mishap before they reach old age.
  • Alignment. Floridians are entirely chaotic with no discernible logic to their actions. Their intentions are difficult to discern but can lead to results of any alignment.
  • Size. Floridians are approximately the same height as humans, though their weight is usually above average. Your size is Medium.
  • Speed. Your base walking speed is 30 feet.
  • Hold my Beer. You have the uncanny ability to succeed in the least likely of circumstances. When you fail an attack roll or ability check that you rolled with a disadvantage, you can choose to take the higher of the rolls instead, potentially turning the failure into a success. You must finish a long rest before you can do so again.
  • Muddled Thoughts. You have an advantage on saving throws against being charmed and your mind cannot be read by magic.
  • Reptile Wrangler. Whenever you make a Wisdom (Animal Handling) check to handle a reptilian beats, you are considered proficient in the Animal Handling skill and add double your proficiency bonus to the check, instead of your normal proficiency bonus.
  • Language. You can just barely speak, read, and write Common and one other language of your choice. You can understand the ramblings of intoxicated creatures as long as they’re in a language you know.
Categories
Florida The Current Situation

Disney World’s re-opening ad, but with “Don’t Fear the Reaper” as its soundtrack

Watch this video before Disney issues the takedown notice! It’s the ad for Walt Disney World re-opening, but with the audio track replaced by Blue Oyster Cult’s Don’t Fear the Reaper.

The people who made the video also added some cuts from the film based on Stephen King’s The Stand, but they’re quite unnecessary. The empty Disney World scenes with masked staff are creepy enough, as the stills below will show:

Photo: EPCOT dome, as seen through a nearby triangular window.

Photo: A finger pushing a button labeled “SHOW START” on a control panel labeled “ENCHANTED TIKI ROOM”.

Photo: Close-up of the “SHOW START” button on the “ENCHANTED TIKI ROOM” control panel.

Photo: Woman in surgical mask and Animal Kingdom uniform on a walkie-talkie.

Photo: A hand polishing one of the wristband scanners at the EPCOT entrance.

Photo: The staff of the Enchanted Tiki Room, all in surgical masks, being briefed.

Photo: The giant statue of Woody from “Toy Story” and the sign marking the entrance to Toy Land.

Photo: The cups on the Mad Hatter’s Tea Party ride, all empty.

Photo: Two attendants in surgical masks pushing open the gates to the “Be Our Guest” restaurant.

Photo: The attendants of the πBe Our Guest” restaurant, all in surgical masks, standing in formation at the entrance.

Photo: The entrance to the Magic Kingdom park, with the Walt Disney and Mickey statue in the foreground, overlaid with the text: “Walt Disney World / Come stand with us”.

Categories
Florida Internet Finds Stranger than Fiction

Meanwhile, in Florida…

Tap the photo to see the Florida-ness at full size.